|
Suzanne,what a sad story.I wonder why your sister turned so nasty?
Nolls-I guess that you have to do what you feel is right at the time,according to your conscience.The fact that your husband had your full support says volumes-you sound like a lovely couple.
Liz-as GeordieinNorfolk says,sometimes there's advantages in being an only child! Maybe you had better get started in sorting out your things in storage.It is very emotional and difficult going through a loved ones possessions after they die.Luckily I had my lovely sister to help me when I had to do it,she was great.Lots of laughter,and some occasional tears!!
Not all families have awful experiences after a loved one dies-when my MIL died,the 3 brothers and their wives and the sister and her husband
divided up everything very fairly and evenly,taking turns to choose what item they would like, and everyone without exception was happy.That's the way it should be! The local op-shops benefited also. :-) :-) :-D :-D
|
|
My parents had the three of us who they adored, they both worked hard to buy their home.
I have been through a very tough few years during Mum's struggle with Alzheimers and, as she was self-funding, her money from the income of her house sale were eaten up quickly.
Brother, who has mental health issues, was not happy and many arguments ensued over the next 71/2 years, but we did the best we could under the circumstances.
At the time of Mum's death,my sister and brother weren't speaking and my brother and I were barely civil to each other, we worked together to organise her funeral...............me being piggy in the middle.
I stood next to her coffin at her funeral and said to my brother, who was looking like a lost sulky child.
" This stops now, Mum and Dad loved each other and all 3 of us, we should be standing together to honour them. They would have banged our heads together at times over the last few years, we need to put the past behind us and move on."
Sister came up and we had a group hug, brother even went to his daughter he hadn't spoken to for 8 years and said he was sorry and loved her.
22 months on, I have spoken to brother just the once, sister and he not at all, but there is no more nastiness in the air.
Niece has had no further contact with her Dad, but is so happy that she knows he loves her and wishes him happiness in his somewhat troubled mind.
As for things left by Mum and Dad...............they only serve to keep their memories alive, but as both of them live in my heart and are part of my soul, they really don't matter much in the end.
People are far more precious than any amount of possessions............no families ever fall out of the death of a penniless loved one, do they.
xx
|
|
I have a Sister who did much worse than that, I no longer have anything to do with her.Even her Daughter told her she was wrong to do it,to no avail she told her to mind her own business and not interfere or she would write her out of her will,My niece told her to stuff it as she did,nt want anything which she had wrongfully got.As has been said, you never know what comes out of the woodwork when some one dies.**M**.
|
|
when my husbands aunt died she left everything to my butler and me
we spllt the money with the neice and nephews
and gave all the rest to people who helped her
other peoples teasures are not always of value to others
we had our own treasures
i would of gave the world to have auntie betty back
no possesions where to me worth faling out over
but i did keep a ugly old trolley thing that belonged to her dad
as i had promised
the butler and i had many a fight since over where it should rest
at the moment i am winning and its in the garage lol :-D
|
|
They say you should never row over an open grave ( before the funneral) .
My Mum has caused enough ill feeling between my sisters and I over money and her belongings, and she is still alive.
My mum had her own and my Grans wedding ring, she gave each to my sisters. Years later she brough her own wedding ring a much cheaper 9KT one a( the orignals were 22KT) I brought her a gold emerald engagment ring for her 80th birthday as she has never had an egagement ring and always wanted one, not so long ago she annouced at a family gathering that when she dies she is giving her rings to my niece. I bit and said I missed out the last time, she repiled I had enough diamonds I repiled " true I dont need yours" :-D not happy with this she then went on to say that she was changing her will in favour of 1 of my sisters, seeing her game now I instructed her to please change her will as anything I had I had worked for and provided myself, and anyway if she did leave me anything I would make sure every penny went to charity ........... I then listed a few of my choices......she asked what about your children, I said ohhhhhh dont worry they will have enough off me ;-) and I wont hold them to ramson over it either.....she hasnt mentioned it in a long while funny enough. :-D
|
|
Kitty-thank you for your comments.It was great that you stepped in and cleared the air with some plain talking at your Mother's funeral.
Your final two sentences are very true-especially the last one.Unfortunately my sister is very stubborn and will never contact my either me or my other sister again. :-(
Merlin-very true-it's usually to do with greed or money.
Joy-"No possessions were to me worth falling out over"-that's true,but in our case it's not only that,it's the lies and the deceit and the complete
disregard for the values that our parents instilled into us-we feel betrayed,and that's what really hurts.
Our parents,particularly our Dad,were honest to a fault.My Dad once insisted in walking back two city blocks in Perth to a shop where the assistant had overpaid him, to repay the princely sum of .5c!!
Hayley,it sounds as if you have worked out how to treat the antics of your mischievous Mum when she tries to rock the boat in your family-good for you!
:-D :-D :-D :-D
|
|
I'm off to work now,and will not be back on here until later. xx
|
|
Margaretta - and others, you've opened my eyes!!
My mother and her 2 siblings fell out - not sure why, could have been jealously. When Gran went into hospital, mum, sister and I went down to clean it up a bit for her return. When she went into a home, we went down to clear it out, and invited mums siblings to anything they wanted. Mum & sister were staying at my brother's house, I was travelling down by train every day. Sister appeared to take what she wanted, I had to take anything home on the train, and mum accused me of 'being greedy'.(sister was mum's favourite - but it's not sister's fault)
Gran was a hoarder. Mum was about to throw out damp cards she had found, I dried them out (Christmas/birthday cards from gran's gran etc), and mum took them!! I was somewhat peed off by this.
We also had to change the locks, as someone got in - found out it was mum's siblings. Couldn't be bothered helping us clear the house, just used their key to take what they wanted.
Gran died a few years later, aunt & uncle were as mean as they could be to mum at the funeral.
Over the years, stuff that my sister took from Gran's house is slowly moving my way. I'm a hoarder, she isn't. I have asked that, before she throws out anything that was gran's she offers it to me.
My computer desk has been thrown out, I now use my g gran's sewing desk, and sit on one of the two piano stools gran had.
My mum died suddenly, and totally unexpectedly in December 2012, just before Christmas. She felt ill on 18th, and was dead by 22nd.
We couldn't get a flight out to Portugal, where she lived, until late January. Her friends dealt with her cremation for us (for which we're eternally grateful), and me, my sister and 2 brothers went out in February, to have a memorial service, collect her ashes, (and distribute some with her dead dogs and late husband's ashes) clear her stuff and see her solicitor.
Her house also had to be sold. She'd made a will (of which my sister had a copy), sister and younger of the brother's were executors - which pleased me and other brother no end!! Honestly, we could think of nothing worse.
I was to get the genealogy stuff, (which included gran's cards) - in fact it was 8 huge boxes of 'stuff' which no-one else wanted anyway - and I still haven't gone through them, but I know a lot of it is what I already have.
House to be sold and proceeds shared between the 4 of us, and the grandchildren (3 of us have 2 children each) were to get what was in her bank accounts.
Now, I knew mum had a Japanese doll's tea set given to gran by g granddad. This I regarded as a family heirloom. No-one else wanted it, but sister thought it may be worth something, so wanted it valued and sold. I was happy to have it valued and pay the going rate for it, but pointed out that, it may have the lids, but the teapot was held together with metal solders!!
Brothers agreed I should just have it.
We then came across a very old Apothecary set, that my elder (childless) brother took a fancy to (it was lovely, even had the chemicals in the bottles!!) Sister, yet again wanted it valued etc. I pointed out that we had never seen it before, it may have belonged to mum's (late) husband (who we couldn't stand) and that said brother had no children. Our children were getting a nice wodge of pocket money - let him have it!
Other brother (the other executor) agreed with me. Eldest brother got it.
I can see how things can go wrong. Fortunately, sister was the only one with the 'official' hat on, the rest of us were pretty laid back.
We also didn't want the same scenario our mum had with her siblings.
Actually, her husband had siblings. Not one had visited him in Portugal - they'd lived there over 25 years - and when we informed them he had died, they weren't interested!!
House was sold at a knock-down price - a cheque in the hand is worth more than a vandalised empty house - cheques distributed to all and sundry at a final service to our mum /family gathering near her birthday, where a meal was eaten, and the remainder of her ashes scattered in a woodland burial ground, where she wanted to be buried.
Siblings and I had a 'get together' a month ago. We went down to a Smithy in Somerset my elder brother (a London-based artist) has been renovating for about 3 years, to help him with the laying of a concrete floor!! :-D
We know how to have a 'get together'!!!
:-S :-S :-D :-D
|
