General Chat

EOS thanks for the wonderful info. for carers. I am sure a lot of people on these chat boards will find it useful.

You all deserve medals. <3 <3 <3

Great practical advice for all carers EOS.

When reading the accounts of those on here that are full-time carers of family with dementia etc, it is so very sad as I am reminded that my dear brother-in-law cared for my sister for over ten years with this condition and although it was a great struggle for him he made light of it and it wasn't until the final two years he even let on how bad her condition had become.

So I urge anyone who is in the same position to seek all the help that they can get not just for the person with this distressing disease but more importantly for themselves.

Bless you Elizabeth, thanks. Elaine. <3

Dear All

Hello

Here is some information about carers assessment:


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WHAT IS A CARER'S ASSESSMENT?


Basically, this is your chance to tell social services about the things that could make caring easier for you.

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Carers Assessments were first mentioned in the Carers (Recognition and Services) Act 1995.


Carers can ask for an assessment of their own needs when the person they are caring for is having an assessment, or re-assessment, of their needs.


Two late Acts have superseded this Act, but the 1995 Act is the only one that does not restrict Carers Assessments according to age, meaning that young carers can have an assessment under this piece of legislation.

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TO ARRANGE A CARERS ASSESSMENT


You should contact your local authority Social Services Department.


All carers and the tasks they face are different and you may have ideas about the kind of services that would help you.


After the assessment your local social services may be able to provide services, or suggest other agencies that give you a break, additional emotional support from other carers or people who understand, help with household tasks and your caring responsibilities, benefits advice and ideas for activities for the person you care for.

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WHAT YOU CAN TALK ABOUT DURING AN ASSESSMENT


if you are struggling to find any/enough time for yourself,


whether you're able to get out and about,


the affect caring is having on your health,


how it's affecting your relationships with others,


whether the person you're caring for is getting enough help,


sources for additional help via local or national support organisations,


and any employment concerns you may have


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CARERS AND DISABLED CHILDRENS ACT 2000


This Act gives carers the right to ask for an assessment of their own needs to help them to continue to care, irrespective of whether the person they are caring for has had or is having their own needs assessment.


The assessment is available to any carer who provides or is intending to provide regular and substantial care (this is not clearly defined).


The Carers and Disabled Act 2000 also allows, for the first time, Social Service Departments to provide services directly to carers, although whether or not you receive a service is up to the Social Services.


Bear in mind also that if they provide you with a carers service local authority
social service departments can charge you for that service, although many do not actually charge for services provided directly to carers.

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CARERS EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES ACT 2004


This Act is the newest and was implemented in April 2005.


Firstly it places a duty on social services departments to inform carers of their right to an assessment.


Secondly, when the assessment is carried out the purpose of it is not only to help the carer to continue to care, but should also include a discussion on their/your wish to start paid work or to continue to work, their/your wish for further education and their/your wish to engage in leisure pursuits.


Thirdly carers and their needs have previously only been a duty for social service departments, but under this Act social service departments can ask other public bodies including local health organisations to provide services to carers; a request, which these bodies have to consider and make a reply.

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Dear Ladies,

Please remember that you do not have to struggle or feel alone.


People who have caring responsibilities save the government millions of pounds
by caring for loved ones.


It is your legal right to get as much practical help and support as you can.

If you have sought help before from health professionals or social services and not
been helped properly, please try again.

The rights and needs of carers are being highlighted more and more and these
people, employed and paid for by our taxes, have a duty to help.

Don't be put off.


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Hope this helps.


Take gentle care all <3
Very best wishes
Elizabeth, EOS
xx

Shirley. I know what you mean by it being your fault regarding the hearing aid. Everything is my fault so I have come to the conclusion I must accept it is, well as far as he's concerned. I know it's not but go with the flow as to argue only makes him violent. I do wish that it had taken the other route and made him nicer. Elaine. :-S

PAM

You have my understanding. Its very difficult when you know what they are doing is so out of character and others wont know why he is behaving as he does,

Some situations get embarrassing for us , they have no idea they are acting oddly or why folks dont respond the way they want

We had a situation this morning , thankfully was in the house so no one else was involved . He wears hearing aids. got them before his problems developed, cost a fortune as the NHS ones he couldnt wear cos they gave him very sore ears,

I noticed he was only wearing one aid ,as it looked , and thought he had only put one in or the other one had dropped out somewhere After a house search for the missing one and him getting shirty when I suggested it may have got pulled out when he dressed or when I did his medication I did eventually find he had put both aids in the same ear,

Somehow it became my fault cos I found what he had done ,how I dont know !!

He is 79 and most times functions OK so when these outbursts happen they do throw me . I do try to tell myself dont react and make allowances but it is hard more so when its in front of strangers who have no idea he has a problem. Can be embarrassing .

I have just read this thread and I am walking in the same shoes as Shirley and Elaine, my OH has vascular dementia following strokes and Tia's now add to that has vascular Parkinson's which has caused big behavioural changes, he shouts at me and its very difficult to reason with him on times, he has never been violent but his behaviour can be frightening on times, he goes everywhere with me so I don't get any break from him. Whenever we are out he talks to strangers and if they ignore him he keeps on talking to them and I even had to drag him away as he has followed them until he gets a response, it can be quite embarrassing as he tells strangers family secrets he is 71 but doesn't look older than 60 so people don't expect him to behave as he does , it's hard and a struggle and we often feel alone and unsupported but we know we are not alone and others are struggling, take care all of you pam xxxxx

I do feel for you Shirley and Elaine and others who have this to contend with. There doesn't seem to be enough support for carers altho there are websites where you can talk to others who understand, as well as your friends on here and I think carers need to be able to have time out from caring where you can do what you want without feeling the responsibility of the person at home.

Do take care of yourselves as best you can especially Elaine with your poorly leg at the mo.

I have put up with nastiness for ages but my o.h. won't see his doctor about it, despite forgetting things all the time, and getting muddled. Now we are getting problems with his father and stepmother. O.h. won't accept his father is anything but Mr Wonderful but I empathise with step mum, who is at her wit's end. The old man is 82 and keeps driving off alone as she is afraid to go out in the new car with him, he can't figure out the new dashboard and his eyesight is failing. but o.h. chats to him on the phone and when he calls round and says it's the stepmum driving his dad mad. The old man has had several falls and has never been the most pleasant of people, he barks at his wife and others and is most abrupt at times. Heaven help us if he gets worse, as none of his children will accept he is anything other than perfect and are blaming the stepmum and falling out with her. She has three sons but only one locally who is trying to support her.

As for my o.h, well he is now talking about retiring early, he is 60 next Feb. 24/7 of him would drive me nuts.

Lizx

To Shirley and Elaine.

I am also a carer for my husband and I know that it isn't easy. In fact it is draining emotionally, mentally and physically. My heart goes out to you both and I send a hug and hope today is a better day for you two.

I cope by taking each day as it comes...... some days are good and some days are not so good. I try to stay grounded and when I feel anxious or weary I can usually find someone else worse off and plod on like so many who have this demanding carers role.

Be kind to yourselves, because you both deserve it. xx

Thank you all
Hubby is in the early stages. He also has Lewy Body Dementia that affects his balance and his walking ,he shuffles.

He is still able to look after his personal hygiene and potter around doing self appointed chores. His dementia is affecting the speech area of his brain , he has sustained brain cell, loss in that area so he can't remember words or what things are called .he will start to tell you something and its gone

It also then is affecting his mood in the way he speaks its can be very domineering or very irritated . So comes out as very nasty .

He isn't physical or losing his way its his manner at times that's so not him .

I am still able to leave him on his own downstairs whilst I do my family research etc in my little study .

He as now been referred to the falls clinic . He is under a special dementia clinic already who prescribe his medication,

I know he will deteriorate but hopefully the medication. Is slowing that down substantially . It has shown to help in that way but can't stop the progression of the disease .

So I am coping OK at the moment <3

Shirley and Elaine. I hope that you have some help and support - both physical and emotional.
Elaine - has your husband got a diagnosis - is this behaviour new? I don't mean to be nosy but you sound as if you are desperate

My thoughts are with you both - and anyone else in this position - it must be heart breaking as well as worrying and emotionally draining.

Ask at your doctors for any help going. Check with social services - and ask around.

Looking after someone with this terrible disease is (in my opinion) to much for one person to do alone.

Hopefully you are both able to get some respite and can join a support group for carers.

Thinking of you all.

It's a very cruel disease and especially when it changes someone's nature, I have experience from my own family and it is heart breaking.

Don't worry about showing your feelings Shirley and certainly don't feel selfish in any way. It's hard to see a loved one acting out of character from how you remember them.

Take good care of yourself, and kind regards to others who have to bear this burden.
Mau <3

Gentle hugs to Shirley and Elaine.

My fil had Altzheimers but died before I had a chance to meet him , but the story my husband told me about him was very sad. and was nothing like the man before he became ill. My thought are with you Shirley

It must be so hard for you Shirley and they always say that people who have Alzheimers hurt the people they love the most. <3

Oh Shirley, do keep your pecker up, your OH is not well, and does not mean the things that he says. Sending you a big hug. <3

My Aunt Mary had Altzheimers, she was not vocal, but she too had other issues.

She used to go to the loo at the end of the passage, and then could not remember how to get back to the sitting room. My cousin had to go looking for her if she was not back within a few minutes. More often than not Aunt Mary was sitting in the loo crying because she had 'lost her way'. So sad.

Oh Elaine......

Is your husband ill or is that just the way he is ?

M. X

I feel for you as I have the same situation. My OH is so nasty with me all the time, it's as though we are strangers and the 55years of marriage count for nothing. He denies me a daily shower and says I can only have one if I am going to the doctors or hospital. Will not allow me to put the boiler on only on the lowest setting. Calls me some foul names even hits me. I too try not to bite back but it is almost impossible. I have given over being out in company with him, I cannot take it. What can we do ??? Elaine <3 <3 <3

I am so sorry to hear that, Shirley, my Mum said some dreadful things, I grew up with it as she was showing signs of Altzheimers in her 40s, she died at 64.

She really didnt mean any of it, she wasn't herself for a good ten years before she died, she couldn't talk for the last two or three years but the last time I saw her she seemed to know me and said " thank you.". She died the next day.

Take care of yourself. X.

Ann, what to said about thyroid problems interests me. My husband says some awful things to me in front of friends and family. He won't have it but I am sure he has a goitre, he also is losing weight but eats like a horse. I wish he would listen to me, but he always knows best.


M
<3