General Chat

If I Had my Child To Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars,
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often,
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love

My daughter is so like my late mum. She has to be centre of attention even when she is reading a book. There is somebody on Genes who claims to be a drama queen, but I am sure she would fade into the corner compared to my mum and daughter. Daughter, a primary teacher by day, organises everybody and loves putting on modern dance shows in local theatres which are always sold out.

Son is very sensitive like his mother. Really lovely person who never has a bad word for anything or anyone. Prefers to stay out of the limelight. But all of his work colleagues say things to me like "oh, you're his dad. I would never have guessed. He is such a nice, quiet man"

YTS got so much stick and became so political that various governments had to keep rebranding it, but it was a thoroughly good kickstart. Son went on a Prince's Trust course in Daventry 8 years ago and that was what he needed. His confidence increased enormously and when we saw him present what his team had done (in front of Mayor, MP and about 60 others) it was one of our proudest days :-) Even more than his graduation in 2008.

Yes the good old YTS, brought in by Margaret Thatcher's government. ;-) It gave a lot of youngsters a good start in their working lives. Interestingly, at the time, some criticised it as exploitation, in the same way some do nowadays about work experience.

I forgot to add:
We always knew that my eldest and my youngest were fairly academic and would do well in further education.
We did not have the same vibes re our middle daughter. As a young girl, she simply scraped her way through school achieving basic exam results.
Of the three, this is the one who has attained a 1st class honours degree, was awarded the University Medal for Academic Excellence, and is currently studying for a Masters Degree.
Just goes to show that they don't always turn out as you expected!

Do you know I don't think I have heard anything good said about the YTS since it finished except by me, I always seemed to be a lone voice supporting it. Shame we don't have something like it now.

And it is great to know that all our children are happy in their lives.

that's really nice Anne :-)

I never wanted anything for my 3 girls except that they are happy and healthy.
They are all doing very well but I am so grateful for one simple thing...... they absolutely adore each other!
I can relax in the knowledge that my girls will always be there for each other.
I was also one of 3 sisters and although we rub along OK, we have never had the firm sisterly bond that my own kids have.
I really count my blessings. Xxx

It seems happiness is the key to everything - money comes after, and as you say BC, yours is gloriously happy and fulfilled - sorted then :-D

and well done the YTS

As you know I don´t have children, but I can say that I didn´t turn out as my parents wished. Well not in the early years.
But my Dad loved me, and appreciated me for what I was and what I achieved on my own.
Annoyingly if I had been a boy I would have been trained in Dad´s occupation, which I now wish I had pushed to go into. I always wanted to be an architect, a quantity surveyor, and a master builder. ..

I didn´t achieve what my parents wanted for me, but I made my Dad proud.

Please do not give your children YOUR goals, just be happy and steer them in the way you want but help them when they find another way.

Paula.....I think "loving" is the key word for me......I have a son and daughter. The son was like Ann's son hated school and I used to worry quite a lot about him, my daughter was the opposite.

They are both loving caring popular people with lots of friends etc, my daughter also being a lovely mum herself.

Daughter teaches sec school and son is a electrician. Most important thing for me is that they are both happy :-)

Yes, I believe so, Paula :-)

BC That's all any of us should hope for.

I wanted my son to be safe and solvent! His life has been anything but, and he is gloriously happy and fulfilled.. <3

My son is all I could have hoped he would be. He is very very clever, extremely funny. He works extremely hard, he is senior partner in his own successful law practice; but most of all he is a wonderful loving son, husband and a great father to his three step daughters. I love him and feel so proud of his achievements, but if he were not my son I would honestly say that he was a really decent man.

Your post AnnCardiff reminded me of when OH and I ran a Water Garden Nursery many many moons ago. We had a lovely lad whom came to to us on a YTS scheme aged 16. When we first knew him he was a very shy insecure young man with no qualifications and a bit inarticulate, (nerves), but my goodness he was such a hard worker and so obliging, in fact a smashing lad. At the end of his time with us he had changed out of all recognition, confident, knowledgeable and a pleasure to work with, and more than competent to work on his own. When he left us, OH gave him an excellent reference and he got a gardening job at a very large establishement near us, and is now their head chap with several guys under him. Not long after he left us, young man's parents came to see us to thank us for all we had done for their son, and for the chance that had been given to him. It's not often we felt 'YES', but on that occasion we did!
Our own children were clever and both now run their own successful buisnesses, and yes I am VERY proud of both of them.

Ann in Glos I left school at 15 and walked into a YTS to start when I turned 17 that was in the 80's gave me a start I wouldn't otherwise have been able to have in an age where qualifications were everything x

so far so good they all going to leave school better off than me. They have worked hard which in theory should mean their lives should be much better and easier and hopefully they won't have to make as many sacrifices as I have had to made. Saying that I do hope M hurries up and gets a job. The girls still have some schooling ahead of them, Having said all that I left school with better prospects than my parents and I have been able to do better than they did and do things like buy a house and car and I haven't had to make as many sacrifices as they did so I guess things are getting there. I'm immensely proud of them whichever direction they decide to take and will be there each step of the way for them x

Ann - the YTS was the making of him - within the first few weeks he was awarded a commendation for his actions in extinguishing a fire on a train - he never looked back

and your children have also done very well indeed - great isn't it :-)

Ann it is good to hear something positive about the YTS scheme, I was very much involved with it in my job in the 80s and saw several young people start out well in the world because of it.


Both my children have their father's brains and both have done very well in their line of work. Both work hard, now in his 40s our son has 500+ people working for him, but for that he does and awful ot of travelling as his home base if in Hertfordshire and his other two offices are in Exeter and Bournemouth, both of which he visits every week. Yes I am proud of them both, can't say I had any real plans for them except we tried to instill the work ethic. In turn they have done and are doing with their own children who are so far all doing ok.

Neither of our children went to UNi but son achieved a degree with the open university and daughter passed all her insurance exams by working at home in the evenings.

I used to despair of my son, he hated school from day 1, and never passed an exam - he was passionate about animals and wanted to be a gamekeeper and though we tried to find something in that line for him it was useless - gamekeepers are sons of gamekeepers

Then, when I was giving up hope, he got taken on the YTS scheme with British Rail when he was sixteen - he has been on the railway ever since and at one time was the youngest driver on the rail network in this area - he's in his mid forties now, still driving trains, excellent work record and presently based at Swansea on a course for driving the high speed trains Swansea to Paddington

Considering he never passed an exam in school he is earning twice was his father ever earned and he had engineering qualifications of all sorts

Could I add that my son is not thick in any way, he has amazing general knowledge - sit with him through a quiz and he'll have all the answers - just was never suited to sitting behind a desk in a classroom

I am immensely proud of him, especially as at the moment he has suffered health problems which are hopefully being resolved in the near future and another traumatic event which is hopefully being sorted