General Chat

thank's ann

I think she is away on holiday that was planned some time before.

hi neubie,
how are you doing,how is your friend,has she got a date to have her radium treatment yet,hope all is well.

sue

Just adding to what Pamela said. Make sure that what she wants as far as funeral arrangements, etc. are concerned, are known to whoever will actually be arranging the funeral.
Another lady on this thread did all the visiting and clearing out of her father's things, but when her brothers heard of his death, they wanted things to be different and she wasn't able to carry out all of what her Dad would have wanted.

If you know the next of kin, I'm sure you will be able to let them know - even if only a little at a time - what her wishes are. That way, there won't be any worries when the time comes. Get it sorted now and put it behind you while you spend as much time caring as you can. My thoughts go with you.

Kim,

I know just how difficult this can be, many members on here know what I attempted to do in helping Daff last year. I also nursed my sister in her home until she passed away.

No details on here but if you want to pm me please do. I had more coping skills than I could have imagined and you will too.

Sue x

KIM MY FRIEND
ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS MAKE HER SMILE A LOT
THEN YOU WILL HAVE THAT SMILE TO REMEMBER

I HAVE MET YOUR FRIEND I KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU ARE
AND ,KIM I KNOW YOUR A STRONG GAL,BUT I KNOW
THERE IS ALSO THE KIM WHO NEEDS US TO BE STRONG ,FOR HER
AND WE WILL.DAY OR NIGHT WE WILL BE HERE FOR YOU,
AN YOU GOT MY NUMBER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

SO YOU SMILE AND SHE WILL SMILE
AND YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT SMILE , ALWAYS XX

LOVE TO YOU MY FRIEND XXXX

Hi
This is such a tough thing for you to go through
We went through it last year with my dad he died of lung cancer we had 12 weeks with him
The only advice I can give is be yourself the friend she loves
Cry together and laugh together talk or just sit and listen she will guide you
And most important cherish every single moment you spend together for these will be your memories after she has gone
My heart goes out to you
PP x <3

RR ..it's not over till the fat lady sings ;-)
<3
TY
Edit , sorry that sounds weird but thats our latest mantra and we don't know many fat lady singers in our village ..
:-D

just ((((hugs)))) Neubie, I can't think of anyone who would be a better friend to have than you at such a time. Be gentle with yourself also.

Rose xxxx

neubie,
one day at a time,let her choose,SIL wanted to thing's as she alway's did,
shopping etc,
one of the thing's she worried about most was her home,was it clean, what about the washing & ironing,it mean't a lot to her she did not want to let her standard's down,silly i know but it was how she coped with it,just go with the flow and let her express herself how she want's.

hope you have a lovely night out under the star's.
sue,

my SIL was so calm it was scary,i was with her when she went,it was very peaceful for her,it came very quick at the end so enjoy your time together & laugh,that will be important to her if you alway's had a laugh,don't change or she will feel she is putting on you.

This is just to say thank you for just being here
Yesterday was a really bad day as we were told the results of the biopsy.
She will have five consecutive days of radiotherapy next week maybe followed by Chemo for the lung cancer
This afternoon we have been sitting in the garden (having a few glasses of wine) and we have been laughing our socks off.
She told me again, no Hymes but wants Bright Eyes to be played at the funeral .. I said Great .. that will leave me thinking about rabbits being run over :-S
The brain tumour means I will lose the friend I know before she dies but we have a load of things planned for the next 2 months. If I get arrested , could someone bail me out?
This is time for fun. memories and probably Xmas in October this year.
Thank you
XXXXX

Kim, I am so sorry to read this and hope you and your friend can reap the benefits of your long and close friendship in the time you have left, you by being there for her and she by sharing her memories with you to hold on to.

I too think it's very important to have things written down, preferably in her handwriting if possible or signed by her so there is no disagreement when the time comes for the funeral etc. It might also be nice if you helped her write special letters to her close family to give them at the appropriate time, knowing you have helped her do that will aid you in supporting them later on as well.

I wonder if there are things she might want to say and sometimes can't, even to you. Maybe a lockable diary or just a notebook that she can write her really private thoughts down or things she can't say to you but wants you to know, things that would get too emotional being said out loud. She could then ask you to read the entries as and when she thinks or later on.

It's going to be a hard time for you, and I am glad you will get back up from the MacMillan nurses - they will help you with things even this early on and you will have a good source for information on assistance available.

As well as keeping things light and trying to laugh sometimes, do help her express her anger if she feels like it, maybe both get some playdough and bash hell out of it or something.

I hope your friend can pack a lot into these months she has and your time under canvas goes well and is fun. Photos and mini videos will be good to show others later and soon after the camping too, if she wants to share her adventure.

You know we are always here to listen and support, my thoughts will be with you and your friend as you walk this tough road together. Let us know how things go when you can

Lizxx

Joeva,
Thanks .. but this is why I posted on here.
The people on here know me
Also I want to work with the MacMillan nurse at the end of care..

The Fags are out of the window on Monday for me.. I now ****** hate the damned things..

Neubie

When this gets too much for you to bear, for your own sake phone The Samaritans.
I have been through a similar situation and at that time found that being able to talk to someone outside the circle of friends and family very, very helpful.

Jo <3

Pam .. we discussed this tonight .. no hymns ..and a few other things
people were phoning and I was warding them off as she didn't wanty to deal with them just yet
I haven't cried yet with her .. as I said , you are not dead yet
We are off to a hill in the area in a few weeks .. the men will pitch a tent then leave us to drink a 'few' bevies , watch the stars and the the men will come back in the morning..to take the tent down.

I want to make these next few months about being alive (hope this makes sense) not a funeral before it's time where people are grieving before the person has died.

my heart goes out to you newbie
what you are about to embark on is going to be very hard
nothing worse than helping somebody deal with cancer
and its never an easy road for you both
all you can do is be there

theres no right way and no wrong way to deal with this
every case is diffrent
just do your best xx
:-( :-(

and when all else fails kick a door xx

You already have so much good advice on here Kim, As she is such a good friend and you know her so well your instinct will kick in and you won't get it wrong. Let her talk it out if she wants to, or not talk about it if she doesn't. But, as others have said, you have a hard task ahead so make sure you lean on somebody yourself. She trusts you to cope, so you will.

As you can see, people will be here for you. <3 <3 <3

Neubie, just make sure your friend writes down her funeral wishes for her family, they will be devestated if you tell them that she told you what she wanted and she didn't leave them instructions.
Cry with her when necessary, laugh with her when you can and enjoy all your old memories together while you can and make the most of her wish list as soon as you can.

Pam

Hayley ..
That means a lot
Thanks
XXX

Ann .. I try to be the toughie on these boards .. not this time , Thank you very much xx
Diz .. we talked on the phone a few days ago so you know xx
Just
Thanks for letting me vent on here