General Chat

I'd forgotten that Merlin, I have a picture of my grandfather in a velvet dress about 3 years old. I think when his mother shouted 'Walter !' that would be a clue-jl

When they call him do they call .Come here Infant or Hey You?.I think they are very sad people to treat their child like that.Mind ,years ago they used to dress little boys in dresses.**M**.

What occurs to me about this situation is that the child will have experienced being shunned. Not because people want to be anti social towards a child but they themselves wouldn't choose to present themselves, or their children, into an unnecessary awkward situation.

For a start if a stranger asked, is this a boy, or a girl, expecting an answer is a reasonable requirement and a bridge to making friendship,but to get a negative response immediately makes a barrier. The outside world isn't going to bend over backwards to accommodate someones 'experiment' because, this is what it is.

My grandson aged 3 was bought a dolls buggy from the charity shop in preparation for his sisters appearance in the world. He uses it to carry his cars into the garden. I seem to think lads gravitated towards prams in the 1950's usually to remove the wheels and attach to some piece of wood as their first mode of transport.....but thats another story. -jl

All toys are non-gender. It used to stagger me that customers would ask if I thought it was "alright" for their son to want a toy hoover, tea set or their daughter wanting lego or a train set. I grew up playing with both and it didn't influence my view of my gender, any more than playing with both has done with Dan.

For the first 4 or 5 years of Dan's life he was forever being mistaken for a girl by strangers, he had as everyone said "a pretty face for a boy". lol as soon as he could talk he would tell them "I'm a boy", cue profuse apologies and red faces :-D

It's not the clothes or the toys, it's the 'hiding' of his gender in this case that worries me...that's not the same as non-sterotyping, it's making something secretive which shouldn't be... was he never able to run around naked at home or in a pair of knickers in case someone 'found out'?

A child has the right to know their own gender. Gender is a fact of life.

Deliberately keeping a childs gender from them, in this case forcing them to wear girls clothes & referring to them as the infant is not giving them a choice, its setting them up for ridicule & bullying once they engage in the real world.

Toys at a young age will not influence the child into male or female roles as it may of done 50 years ago. Women take on male jobs & visa versa. Woman truck drivers & stay at home dads doing the housework.

Children should be allowed to play with any gender orientated toy they want to and whilst the majority of parents naturally buy their baby / pre schooler gender influenced toys. Once they start school they do play with different gender toys..

Let our kids make their own choices. They will make their own choices. If they are transgender they will realise this themselves who they want to be & will make their own choices. But first they need to know their body gender so they have to make the choices to change who they are..

All the parents need to do is let them know they are accepted and loved in whatever identity they choose to live.. Bring them up to know you accept people whatever orientation they are..

But first nurture them as the sex they appear physically to be, deliberately confusing them is cruel & a form of abuse.

Teresa

I guess that having no TV in the house the parents stopped any association between boys and guns, probably bows and arrows too.

I wonder what books they deemed suitable? Certainly not Thomas the Tank Engine as they are all gender associated through their names, and any Enid Blyton wouldn't have got through the door, nor Roald Dahl nor The Mr. Men.

Sue x

I was putting a smile not because my son made a Lego gun, just the fact that despite all their efforts the nursery staff still could not prevent the boys making guns to play with.

Boys and girls do like different games and toys and with all the will in the world it's very hard to make them do otherwise

Teresa

How strange this is. I wonder what type of family the parents grew up in when they were children.

I remember when my son was at nursery there were all type of toys suitable to boys girls and both sexes. The children played with whatever they liked. The only toys banned were those of a violent nature, guns were one of these things.

I went to pick my son up one day and he was about three. The nursery staff were full of apologies, the boys, my son included had been playing with guns.

Had a child sneaked one in I thought? No they had used their imagination and made them out of lego, :-)
This was a common theme with the boys by all accounts.

It will be very sad if this poor child is bullied at school because children can be unkind if things in their world are not as they know it. This poor boy in girls clothes will be in a very disadvantaged situation all through his school years.

Teresa

I'd like to see how he reacts socially with other children,and his attitude when it becomes boys and girls with different learning lessons in school....which is a fact,,,,,,,,,
boys do this,
girls do that.

as regards the family being kept in the dark,he and them have been restricted with their involvement with each other.grandparents,aunts,uncles cousins have not been allowed single alone access or involvement since birth if they have managed for 5 years to conceal his gender,that I find unbeliveable and unforgiving......being allowed dolls and teaset and to wear pink frills or have a trainset or an electric drill isnt the big issue.


Julia,,,no healthworker or doctor would publicly reveal his gender as the child has all rights to protection,but am suprised that his pre-school HW hasnt been concerned at the lack of his right to knowledge of his gender.if he has?

I do wonder if this story isnt all thats been reported.?

Good Morning Everyone.
I did not read this story in depth yesterday, but scanned the headlines, thus getting the gist of the story.
Now, it is a long time since I was the mother of young children, so am out of touch with the system these days.
But, my first thoughts were that, during his five short years, did he not have to see a doctor, and, did he not have any visits from health workers.
Just something that troubles me, and perhaps someone can explain how the system re childcare works these days.

Julia in Derbyshire

WITH TOYS AGAIN
WHEN YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD
THE YOUNGER (IF LUCKY TO GET A CHANCE) PLAYS WITH TOYS AMED AT OLDER CHILDREN

I WONDER IF SHE ONLY GETS THE RIGHT AGE.

AND NO STATMENT FROM THE DAD
OR DID I MISS IT

I find the whole sorry story disturbing, bordering on cruelty. Poor little chap, being saddled with such an odd-ball, pathetic couple of morons - can't call them parents! I hope all the publicity surrounding the story doesn't do him any further harm and that he has a more 'normal' life now he's starting school.

And some fun!

I agree Dizzi.

I said *let's hope* there's no lasting damage done...not that I didn't think there would be.

Children can be very hurtful to other children who don't fit the criteria of 'normal'. He may well get away with wearing girl's blouses in his current school but certainly not at senior level. The remarks he might encounter don't bear thinking about so he will HAVE to conform by then for his own sanity.

As for toys, all children will explore playing with toys not marketed for their gender, no need to buy 'non gender toys'.

I imagine their house to be a 'fun free zone' but I hope I am wrong. I found the photos quite disturbing TBH.

Sue x

MUFFY
BY GOING PUBLIC NOW THE POOR LITTLE BOY WILL BEWATCHED BY EVERYONE
JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE A MISTAKE
NORMAL LIFE FOR HIM
I REALLY DOUGHT IT

She's already said that none of the others mothers would go round her house for coffee as she was the odd woman who didn't know what sex her child is...so thus far socially she's done him no favours at all whatsoever.

Let's just hope it's not done him any lasting damage now he's starting school.

Personally I think the woman is an attention seeking moron to stigmatise her child like that.

But there you go x

IM JUST COOKING ON MY NON GENDER OVEN
GETTING MILK FROM MY NON GENDER FRIDGE

TOYS WHAT A NUTTER SHE IS
MY DAUGHTER PLAYED WITH CARS ,MY SON
WITH DOLLS
THEY DIONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AT THAT AGE
AND MY DAUGHTER IS NEARLY 43 AND SON 40

AND THE SAME WITH GRANDKIDS
THEY PLAY WITH WHAT EVER THEY WANT

ITS THE PARENTS DICTATING TO THE CHILD
MAKING HIM NON SEXUAL

Wierd, odd.
There was nothing in this world to stop that mother buying blue t shirts and pink t shirts and giving the child choices, likewise toys- many parents wrrite a list of what their young child would like for christmas/birthday to help relatives. Toy ironing board AND a tonka truck could have been on that list without going as far as they have.

Its almost as though she wanted to develop his femine side ( nothing wrong in that) but has taken it to an extreme.

To me, its more about her pre-concieved ideas than anyone elses. 100's of little girls wear blue, 100 of little boys wear pink ( I love men to wear pink, its very flattering on a grey haired man) . If boy wants to choose a flowery top, so be it as long as its HIS choice not his parents.

I really do wonder what ''gender-neutral toys" are! Sounds like they have denied his the pleasures of normal growing up,

''gender-neutral toys"? what are they?

The article didn't say anything about Sasha not knowing if he was a boy or a girl.
So presumably he did know.
He just didn't have restrictions put on his choices.

Not letting other people know, and thereby not influencing the way they treat Sasha should not have a detrimental effect on him.

I still get annoyed when I see toys in catalogues labelled as "girls toys" or "boys toys" instead of just toys.


Tess