General Chat

......and thats exactly what's happening to me all the time. I've a little story to tell and then perhaps its easier to understand what's happened and why I feel the way I do.
On 25th September 1957 I met a girl on the train bound for Nottingham, Sheffield and beyond but the train was late and should have left London over half an hour before it did. This was my first lucky break.
I went to see her at her home the following Saturday and spent every Saturday/Sunday with her after that until we GOT MARRIED on 21st December that year. That was my second lucky break.
My third lucky break was the 52yrs 2months 3days and 9hrs we spent together which included my 22years Army service and the of bringing up 4 great kids before she was taken away from me on 23rd Feb 2010.
Oh yes we had our arguments but believe me, they were settled 'before bedtime', but I miss her so much and really feel for all the other guys and gals who lose their partners after long and happy marriages.
She was that SOMEONE SPECIAL and always will be, but when will the pain start to diminish. Sometimes I just cant wait to hold her hand again.

On 23 Feb

I agree with Motown, The pain doesnt go away, but you will feel more able to recall the good times and be thankful that you had her company for so long. Memories will come flooding back at the slightest little thing, most good.

I can't tell you how long the pain will last - there is no time limit on grieving. I know my mother still feels so lonely - despite having her family around - after the death of my father four years ago but it easier for her now. She still misses dad but she can think about him with a smile and remember the good times.

The first year is the hardest - the first anniversaries without your lovely wife. Christmas definately highlights that loss but I hope you have your family around you as my mother does including little great grandchildren. Take heart in that you will meet again.

Sue xx

thinking of u ronald, i can see the pain in my mums eyes and ive struggled over christmas , i know from losing my first dad pain gets easier to cope with but it never goes xxxx

Dear Ronald - you have all my best wishes and hopes that life does get easier for you. You will never forget all the things you and your lovely wife shared but gradually, very gradually it will be less painful when you recall all that you have done together.

Recently I had cramp in my stomach and I fainted, nothing more, but when I came round my husband was in bits because he had found me lying on the floor and he thought that he had lost me. Neither of us can bare the thought of being without the other but we know that one day it will happen. I hope the new year brings you happiness and less pain.

Wendy x

It will never go Ronald, but if you think of all the good times and wonderful things you did together, it does become a little easyer.

I know what it is to lose a parent too young and dear friends and that has been hard enough. Six years ago I lost a very dear friend and every day I think of her and can see her coming in through my back gate. I can think of her now without weeping but it took time, her husband was devastated like you and now we can talk and laugh about her.

I can only think that with time it will be the same for you, and as someone else has said the first year is the worst with birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. Your children will have part of your dear wife in them and I expect you have gchildren - they are and can be a great joy.

One day you will laugh again at happy memories.

Ronald,
I sort of lost my soul mate through divorce, but he's till here, and I still see him.
My sister lost her soul mate (best friend of my ex) through death 3 years ago - a couple of months after his first grandchild was born.
As her sister, I never shrink from talking about my lovely brother in law.
We go places and say D would have loved this - he's still in our hearts, his likes and dislikes are still discussed, and his (and my sister's) grand daughter is the apple of my sister's eye.
His memory will last - she will be told about her grandfather.
Look to the future - you can tell your children/grandchildren so much about their wonderful mother/grandmother - it's the little things that mean so much!

Aww Ronald! ye'rve got me weepy eyed now.

God Bless

Susan
x

Ronald, how lucky indeed were you that fate cast you the hand that made the train late so you met your special lady. Many people never find that certain someone, you were meant to and did and enjoyed all those Golden years together and produced 4 lovely children who will continue yours and your wife's looks, mannerisms and loving ways down a long line of young people hopefully, on into great great great great grandchildren and beyond. That is what you have done together and they are the hope of the future.

You have a lot of firsts under your belt but time will go slowly on and sometime you will feel guilty because for those few hours your loved one was out of your mind, the time between thoughts of her will increase and then it will be a few days when she wasn't constantly in your thoughts, and again you feel guilty. Don't be tho as it's life's way of easing your pain and loss and it doesn't decrease the love you felt for her and still feel, it just helps you cope without her physically around you.

Your love will always be in your heart and one day I am sure you will be together again as things progress, meanwhile think of the lovely and loving things you shared, and the life you built together. Spend time with other people if you can, keep busy if you are able and come and talk to us if you need to offload or share a memory.

The pain you feel now is sadly the price you have to pay for the wonderful life you shared with her and talk about her, talk to her if you want to, and laugh when you do something daft, say to her Now look what I have done and smile, she will be smiling at you, she will always be watching out for you and knowing she was truly loved and gave you true love as well.

Don't try to put on a brave face, let the tears flow if need be, or have a good blow and a sniffle and stick your chin in the air, try to continue as she would wish you to, go out, see friends or whatever makes life worthwhile and you will be honouring her memory. She wouldn't want you sad and lonely so talk to others, who knows, chatting to someone you have never met in a supermarket queue or whereever, could make their day as they could be missing a loved one also.

Stay warm and safe and have a few (( hugs))

Lizx

I, too, married my soulmate in 1957, but we only had 34 years together before I lost him, so you have that advantage over me, of having your soulmate for those extra years.

The first year is the worst, because the reason (illness details, etc.) is still fresh and you think of what was happening 'this time last year'. After that, you gradually get on with your life and accept the way things are NOW until you can laugh at the funny things that happened while you were together.

The pain never goes away, but becomes bearable as time goes on while you wish they could still be here to see what is happening now with life revolving around the younger ones. Your loved one will always be on your mind, but moves to the back of the mind, making way for what is going on around you. Only time can make this happen.

I can't find anything to add Ronald, it has all been said here. Liz especially has put it very well. This is just to let you know, as somebody who has been married to her soul-mate for 50 years, that I can't imagine (and don't want to) how it would be to lose him, the love of my life. I can see you are so very lonely and I hope the comradeship on here may help you a little. I am thinking about you.

Yesterday I read your messages and today I reread them again.

Please dont think I'm ungrateful because I haven't responded today but I defintely will - I PROMISE.

Lotsa hugs

Ron

Ron, again - we neither expect or want a response.

Hi Ron, in the word's of my late "Precious Pa" You just do wotcha gotta do, in your own sweet time! My heart goes out to you and even though you wont believe me now, i promise you from the bottom of my heart, that time, makes it easier to bare.. Susan xxx

No we don't need a response. We just need you to know that you can (if you want or need to) come on here and talk to us at any time.

Just saying
A BIG, BIG THANKYOU
for all your understanding and support doesn't seem to be enough to me.
However................
I now realise that by opening my thoughts to you really has helped and even though I've always had loving support from my family I now no longer feel alone. I now also understand even more why I should continue talking to 'My Mavis'. Today I told her that when my time comes she'd better have the kettle on, and I know she will.

When or if the time comes and I need to talk again, I know that I wont be alone. MANY, MANY THANKS - AND BIG HUGS!!!

Ron xx

Well done Ronald for opening up to us and glad it helped a bit. I am usually around late at night altho a bit rough with a bad cold at the mo so not here as much, but normally I am on the computer through the night so if you can't sleep and want company, give me a shout via a pm.

I always picture my Mum ready with the cakes and sausage rolls (her trademarks when she welcomed anyone and everyone to our home) and with the tea brewing, when anyone we know passes on.

Lizxx

glad its been a help ron, there are some wonderful people on here , there is nothing worse than keeping ur worries bottled up, really feel for people who fin it hard to express there worries anywhere xx

Hi all you folks out there, I'm back!!!!

Its just a few days over a year, 23 February 2010, since 'MY MAVIS' physically left my side but you can be sure that her presence still lingers on whether I'm at home or elsewhere.

I've just re-read your heartwarming words that came after my 'cry for help' appeared that started this thread. All of your comments were, and still are appreciated so how I feel right now and how I have coped since last Dec really has been down to my 4 kids AND YOU ALL.

Believe it or not, I flew to Belfast and spent a few days with my grandchildren and great grandchildren. It was brilliant and so relieving to know how much they wanted to see me if only for a few days. My youngest daughter, of course, accompanied me; not wanting me to get lost. I had been sleeping badly at nights and falling asleep during the daytime ....and then after one night away from my own bed, my body clock seemed to have been reset. Like I said, it did me good and, love them, I appreciated being taken care of for a change.

I still (and wont ever stop) talk to her and laugh when I 'mess up' and still say sorry and pay my dues when I sometimes cuss, its more like the good old days than I care to think. There's nothing to stop me from talking to her, even when my kids are around, cos they laugh with me at my 'mess-ups', bless em!

No, I'm not 'over it' but I understand 'it' better and am now coping better than I was. Still get the odd twinge now and again and I know that there maybe a couple more 'hard days' to come in my life.

As for you folks out there, here comes a big THANKYOU for helping me through a really bad time. The only thing I can get my head round is 'How is it possible for total strangers to help me see things clearer and feel good about life after my loss?" You really are a wonderful understanding bunch. If I could send flowers to you all, I definitely would, simply to express how I feel.

I really shouldn't say this, but what the heck. My hugs, love and friendship go out to you all. Bless you, each and everyone of you and I mean that most sincerely.

Your friend
Ron