General Chat

Hi Shimms

Who says your not special... you are more than special as you survived and "broken the Chains"

Take care and have a super christmas...

Valerie x

Hi Natasha


Thank you for sharing your info with me, please remember no ones abuse is worse than anyone elses, what you experience/experienced is special to you,

I do empathise with you and it is very hard living with someone who drinks. It can be lonely and scary.

You need to trying to understand none of tis is your fault, your parents chose to have you and they chose how to bring you up, Now you are a young adult with a wonderful future ahead of you. You have special choices to make in your adult journey.

You may make the wrong choices and need a mum to help, but as we have experienced our mums are not always there, so find people you can trust and network a special group of friends who are there for you and vise versa.

I can only say I have groen into a stronger woman for the life expereinces I have had to endure, I would not change anything about my childhood, because I have survived and I am proud of who I am.

So take your life with both hands and make the right choices and have a wonderful future, there are peeps who love and care for you and you accept you are worth loving.

When your mum is ready, then you may have a relationship with her, in the mean time she is having a relationship with the bottle, you can write to her etc, but you need to keep yourself safe, so maybe it is worth having little contact with your mum, until she is stronger in her self.

Who is supporting your sisters?

Please remember I am always here if you need to chat and thank you again for sharing your story.

Love 'n' hugs
Valerie x x

For me, I forgave then took back control of my own life.

Everyone here has in my humble opinion and I am no-one special, stopped the circle and for that they should hold their heads high, remember that they are special people and I leave each and everyone of you a hug,

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

We each follow our own path, yet please believe me when I say, you are all special.

xxx Shimms xxx

Hi Paddi

I have had nowhere near as bad an experience as you but this Christmas is going to be very different for me too.

I'm 22 and up until August lived with my parents and 2 younger sisters.

My mum has been an alcoholic since as long as I can remember so our relationship has always been strained especially as I got older.

She was sober for 2 years, but then when she found out my dad had been messing around on the internet it started back up again.

Things got very bad between me and my mum and I ended up going to see a counsellor for 6 weeks. She made me realise that I had no control over my mum's behaviour over the years, I shouldn't have to take responsibility for her actions and that I needed to take care of myself

Shortly after my sessions had finished things finally came to a head, after years of some pretty vile verbal abuse (thing a mother should never say to a daughter) as well as occassional physical abuse, my mum decided to kick me out! Fortunately my boyfriends mum gave me an olive branch and invited me to go and stay with them.

It hasn't been easy, 2 weeks after I moved out, my dad had enough as well and so they are now seperated.

It's funny really, me and my mum only got speaking again a few weeks ago after I found out some info on here relating to her side of the family, so while we are on speaking terms, it's just that...being civil.

My mum is still a heavy drinker and will be spending the majority of Christmas alone as my sisters are going to see my dad and his relatives.

I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful and understanding boyfriend. So Christmas this year is going to be spent with his family, and luckily they're all lovely too!

To Paddi and everyone else who dreads this time of year due to the past just remember that things come along to test us , but there's always light at the end of the tunnel and maybe in years to come you'll be able to enjoy Christmas again :D

Merry Christmas and all the best for 2009

nudge

If you need an ear or just a chat please PM me

Valerie x

Hi All
Just like to say thank you for all your kind words, support and encouragement.

Huggles to everyone

Valerie x

what a fantstic thread, so uplifting to know that no one has to be alone
((((((((((HUGS & KISSES TO ALL))))))))))

Paddi ,you are going to do so much good by putting this thread up.Even if someone reads it but doesn't add to it,they will know they are not alone and maybe in time they may open up to someone.
Well done.
Helen x

n

Hi Lilymoon

My congrats to you, wow what a very brave and special person you are. If you need to chat PM, you are not alone, let the tears come when they need to fall and let some person you trust, like hubby to huggle and make you feel safe again darling.

Have a super christmas and lets hope 2009 brings you and your family special happy memories.

Love 'n' hugs to you darling
Valerie x

hi i paddi i to was abused as was my sister and brother from an early age i felt old at 4 years old like you say its a life sentance i thank god for my husband as he suppored me and still dose even after all these years sometimes the hurt rears its ugley head my father served five years inprison but me and my siblings still serve time

Hi Ann

Thank you for you kind words, it is wonderful for people to know that there are kind people out there who support them, the abusers may go but the memories are a life sentence.

I hope people are able to use their voices as it is the most powerful tool they will ever have, my motto is "He Who Shouts The Loudest, Gets Heard" by joining voices together it helps those where ever they are in their journey of recovery.

If people are worried about sharing info,worries or concerns please PM me and I will anwser them as soon as possible.

Thank you again Ann for your kind words.

Valerie x

I think it helps us all knowing we are not alone,

It just didnt happen to us others have had to cope with it as well and still having to cope with it because its still going on out there.

((((((((((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))))))

this is one of those threads that is both sad and uplifting - i was fortunate I know to have had a carefree childhood, not much money but love by the bucketload. All of you who have bared your souls on here are to be congratulated for having the courage to speak out and that in turn will encourage others to do likewise. So much is swept under the carpet so to speak where it just festers. Get it all out and that way hopefully you can move on - donlt let those b------ds who blighted your life have a hold on you in any way or they will have won. You were the victims but you can become the victors and hopefully they will rot in hellfire and damnation and never find peace. You are all so brave and you have my total admiration

Ann XXXXXXX

Hi Helen

I could not agree with you more, talking helps a great deal and that is wonderful you can otfer this support, thank you darling..

Love Valerie x

I just meant Talk about things and not keep things bottled up.I am a good listener if anyone feel the need to unload.
Helen x

Hi Helen

There are so many sad cases, and what is even more tragic is there are so many children still suffering and no one can hear their voices, I hope to give people a voice and hopefully start their journey to freedom.

Love Valerie x

A few months ago a woman took her father to court accusing him of raping her as a child.She was going through Chemo at the time of the court case.Her Father was found guilty and sentenced to life (I think).Sadly she died last month.She had the guts to do it..I am so pleased that some of you are speaking out.Go for it girls it what I say!!!!!!!

Hi Helen

Thank you for for words of encouragement, I have to agree because it is anonymous, I hope people can share their feelings and thoughts and no they are not alone.

Thank you again helen, heres wishing you a wonderful christmas and may 2009 bring you some special memories.

love'n' hugs

Valerie x