General Chat

Dear All,

Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat s*** in the glue on the envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill gates?Microsoft are sending me for participating in their email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died interstate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting under my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes , a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on your head at 5;00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way.....A South American scientist after a lengthly study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

PMSL .....and Thank you ..have a good one

Brilliant!

It's just brought a smile to my miserable mug, after trying to remove my hand from my mouse in time.
x

I know it's a year ago but thought I'd say Thank You again. F.

Its always good for a giggle
xx

Well that have given me a good laugh.Good job I read it now as I was just about to lick all the envelopes for my Xmas Cards lol

lol nice one !!!

LOL, i read this holding my mouse
and let go of it when i read the last paragraph wmsl.:))

Did not see this last year - but glad I did today - still laughing
Love Mary xx

No need for wet sponges cluttering up your desk,use the dogs snotty nose.

You too Frederick? Glad I'm not the only one pmsl.

Good one ;O)

made me smile so thank you

d x

Read it last year but I still laughed this year.

I was too late to take my hand off the mouse!

Birdi

I always hold the mouse when reading emails?????
Liz

4 years on, Merry Christmas again.


F

and a merry Christmas to you too Frederick and thanks for the giggle :-D <3 <3

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D nice one.
Merry Christmas to you also.

:-D :-D :-D ... mouse now stuck to my hand !! :-S

Thanks for the laugh Frederick. :-D :-D