General Chat

Well folks, I went in with o.h. to the specialist, he explained that the mri showed up some scabbing/scarring on a few blood vessels in his brain (was amazed they even found one lol). These were probably due to a small seizure at some time but o.h. only had those odd images so hadn't realised anything serious had happened, thought it might have been due to his blood pressure medication. Anyway, the specialist said it is unlikely to happen again altho he is as much at risk as anyone of a stroke or tia at some time later on, he is 54 now, but that taking the soluble aspirin daily will help keep the risk down by thinning the blood enough to get through the few clogged up blood vessels, clogged by an electrical problem in the brain not like arteries furring up. He has suggested he get his cholesterol checked if it hasn't been done lately, but o.h. thinks it was checked last year. Otherwise, all is pretty much ok....
Except.....
the specialist said, now about the driving. I suppose you are still driving even tho I advised you should stop and contact dvla! O.h admitted he was and said it would be a nightmare if he had to stop as he needs to get to work at 6 am one week out of two and couldn't get in by bus as none running early enough. There are buses that go fairly frequently from a stop not two minutes away that go past his place of employment but he wouldn't like not being able to pop into shops and diy places on the way home or as and when he felt like it.
O.h. said, rather unfairly, that if he has to stop driving, I will have to take him to and from work. I declined, there is no way I can drive him back and forth as he demands, sometimes I am not well enough to drive myself anywhere so will stay home rather than risk not being fully with-it as I drive so not going to take a chance for him, when he could get buses. Specialist said he is not supposed to drive from last November, when he last had a 'seizure' (it wasn't a typical epileptic seizure but the images he had count as the same thing) for a whole year. The dvla could write to the specialist and ask how likely he is to have further problems and the specialist said he would say very unlikely, but the trouble is, the dvla don't usually negotiate, it is just cut and dried - a whole year seizure free before you can drive again. Specialist said it should be more open to discussion but it isn't. He said o.h. could take the chance and continue to drive and be safe, but if there was any accident and it came to light that he shouldn't be driving his insurance would be invalid, which is what I have been saying since Dec when we first saw the specialist and he told him then to stop driving. O.h. ignored the direction then. It concerns me more because o.h. drives my car, as a named driver, so if he continues to do that, I will be in trouble too. If I remove his name from insurance so he can't drive that car, he will just drive his own car, the fiesta which I use as the other car is too heavy for me now. So he will still be on the road and I won't - I will be stuck with no transport!
He isn't happy about discussing the situation and will be driving himself to work tomorrow morning and Saturday. The following week he could use the buses but I don't know if he will. Last time his dad and his son both tried to talk sense into him but he ignored them, his son even offered to get him a bike but he refused, he hasn't ridden a bike for donkey's years altho it would do him good as he is very overweight!
It also means we probably can't go on holiday this year, at least not far, as I couldn't do all the packing up and loading the car and driving several hundred miles with no relief driver. Could go somewhere local which would be ok and I could go off on my own later, to a relative as I can manage a journey of 100 miles or so, if I break the journey for a rest.
Will keep you posted, any advice gratefully received!
Lizx

Well I guess it's good and bad news then really.

I remember that mum had problems they thought she was having TIAs but it turned out to be tiny localised electrical shorts, but because they only happened in her sleep, and they gave her pills to stop it, she was allowed to drive again, but the 6 months when she couldn't drive was an absolute nightmare, but she did what the doctors said. Fortunately she's not had another one since then.

Can you not change your car for one that's not as heavy for you? and then change your insurance. He sounds like a stubborn bu**er for sure. Sometimes that's amusing but with your OH it's not really.

As for going on holiday...I could see how that would be a pain. As someone who hates coaches and trains I couldn't bring myself to suggest that you go on one of them LOL I'd suggest breaking up the journey, you can get some good deals if you advance book the travelodges. I'm planning a trip to Stevenage in June and will have to have a halfway over night stop this time as I'm so much worse now.

Liz, I expect we will go to Hunstanton or Heacham, only 40 miles and he can do a lot of walking there which he likes, he goes while I sleep in, also there is a coast hopper bus he can use and go to King's Lynn or up the other way to places, so wouldn't be a problem and I could drive us about there as nowhere is far if you know what I mean.
Might get him to take me abroad again tho, he has gone off flying but if I found us a cheapy and from Norwich airport so easy to up and go, he might say yes.
Hmmm, that's something I hadn't thought of so will have a look in a few weeks and see what I can find.
xx

Wow Liz, this is NOT good. If he even has a minor fender-bender and it comes to light that he shouldn't be driving, it could be considered his fault, regardless of the circumstances.

My daughter Colleen has had a diagnosis of epilepsy for the past 34 years, for several years was very well controlled. She lost her licence for 5 long years, having had her first seizure in 18 years (triggered by childbirth). It meant a change of jobs, and multiple begged rides, but she was safe, and so were her children. She has been back driving now for about 3 years, and no further seizures, thanks to finding the right drug for her multiple types of seizure.
It is just plain foolhardy to drive if advised not to, your OH is not just putting himself at risk, but everyone else on the road. There may be no choice but to notify the DMV (or whatever it's called) and they will deal with him. The doctor has a legal obligation to report anyone whom he feels is unsafe behind the wheel.

I also work with a young man who is a very brittle epileptic. He thought it was fine for him to drive because "I only have seizures at night". Until he had a major one at work and we called an ambulance, which led to proper assessment by a neurologist immediately. His licence was under review, he continued to drive while awaiting a decision, and one evening on the way home from work, wrapped his vehicle round a tree while having a seizure. His licence was taken for a year. The requirement to return to driving was an EEG which showed good control.

It is just not worth the risk.

Seizures, small or big, dramatic or barely noticeable, are an assault on the brain and as such, should never be taken lightly. The brain takes approx 18 months, following any seizure, for the irritation to settle down, and is left vulnerable to another seizure..

I'd be ready to pound some sense into him.
Good luck, stand your ground.
hugs
Mary

Hi Mary, he is the only person to decide, if I take matters into my own hands I will suffer. The doctor said he is won't be contacting the dvla but if they contact him, he would say he thinks o.h. is ok to drive, so it seems a bit unfair that they don't take the docs advice before stopping the driving. I have to leave it to him tho. If I get rid of the other car, would only get a few bob for it, it is an old Sierra and is the workhorse car, big boot for carting stuff about. I wouldn't have the money for another one, in fact, he bought it for me, I just tax and insure it, he pays everything else so would be really stuck. Will see what he says over the next few days, I will talk to his father again about it and see if he can make him see sense. I think he was just really peed off when we got home and wanted to put it out of his mind for a bit. The doc said that lots of people take the chance and don't tell dvla. He also said it is up to you what you do altho obviously he warned him his insurance would be invalid if there was an accident. Always something to worry about.

Hope you are ok.
have to get to bed soon - this has been a hard week.
you take care hon, is the snow gone?
Lizxxx

Liz, I really don't feel that he is getting good advice from the doctor who seems to be condoning him breaking the law. I know he feels the risk is small but the law is there to protect people like you and I from that small risk. I appreciate there is nothing you can do and I also appreciate the inconvenience and intransigence of the DVLA. My son in law lost his licence for a year when he had his head injury, even though nothing was likely to happen according to the doctor. DVLA go by ticks in boxes. if you tick the wrong (right) one you lose your license. and they are quicker to take it off you than hand it back too.

If he is caught driving your car (if he has a knock) and he should have stopped driving you will both get a big fine and points on your license because of the insurance being invalid. And if it is with another driver, that poor driver wont be able to claim either.

It is a big dilemma, but nothing you can do about it except organise yourself a car you can drive and leave him to only negate his own license.

Ann
Glos

Oh Liz, I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. It's a catch 22 situation for you but it's your OH that has to see the moral side of the situation. Hopefully with help form his Dad he will eventually see sense.

Take care of yourself.

Tina x

I'm really sorry....................but I think he has to stop driving, why risk killing himself or an innocent pedestrian or motorist?

His insurance being invalid is the least of the worries................having an episode and having his car hurtling along out of control doesn't bear thinking about.

Just my opinion, sorry if I sound uncaring...................I've seen the result of an elderly lady driving when she was medically unfit.

She ploughed into two ladies coming out of church.................killing one and severly injuring the other.

xx

Oh Liz, it is just one thing after another for you, isn't it?
I really don't have any constructive advice to give you that hasn't already been said.
I think you need to get his Dad to help.
Perhaps you could at least persuade K to take the bus during the weeks when he doesn't need to be at work so early?
I can appreciate how depressing it will be for him to have to wait around for buses when he is used to driving himself. It is a rotten situation for both of you.
Any time you need to talk ......

Jo x

can't you hide his car keys? drastic I know, but if he shouldn't be on the road, better to be safe than sorry.

nudge for support for Liz

Thanks all you lovely people. I haven't had a chance to talk to his father or son but will try today, Saturday, while he's at work. He only has a short drive to work, a couple of miles maybe but on Friday went to several diy shops on the way home. He just won't discuss it! I just cannot be a chauffeur for him, haven't the energy some days.
I can't hide the car keys, he would just raise hell and turn everywhere inside out to find one, for whichever car.
He is one of those people who thinks laws and rules are for others. I wish the specialist had said he was honour bound to notify dvla, then there would have been no option but to comply. I have to say he has had no further episodes since early November and they had only been going on for 6 months, mostly when he was relaxed and not concentrating on anything.
He is not a person who believes in spiritualism but I found out an old friend he worked with years ago, had died around the time of his last episode. O.h. had been meaning to go to visit his friend as he had been ill for some time, and was sort of housebound. He phoned once and left a message on the ansaphone, but never got a call back, and kept putting off going to see him. At the funeral, his family told us this poor chap had suffered several strokes which left him more and more disabled, finally resulting in his death alone in his flat. O.h. realised that the images he had been 'seeing' had related to that chap and the place they worked at together many years ago.
He actually said that he felt the images came from his friend, and it is strange that had he not had those images and gone to the doctors, he would not now be on aspirin to thin his blood and be aware of the problem with his blood pressure and blood vessels. Was it M. telling him to be checked out? Strange that once his pal died and he arranged the apptmt at the doctor's, the images stopped.
Will keep you posted on situation.
Jo, Mary, and everyone, thanks for support.
Lizxx

If he has an accident (his fault) his insurance could well be invalid. He would then be responsible finance wise for repairs to other persons car, payment of medical fees, could be sued for compensation so if house in his name could end up losing house

Ronald, I have told him all that, and it doesn't seem to register. Strange really, as he has always been paranoid about losing his house if he gets made redundant again, and has been working all hours to try and pay off more of the mortgage.
Still no decision made, will talk to his dad today.
He called him on Sat evening and asked him round to talk to him about things, on Sunday morning. Doh, he had to drive himself there ! He didn't tell me much of what his dad said so i will call him and ask.
Now I know where he gets it from lol
Lizx

Hi Gail, nice to see you around.

I am going to talk to his dad later today and will be ringing the dvla to discuss hypothetically with them how this can be dealt with. I won't give any details at the mo but can tell him if they say it is open to discussion. The Specialist says it is a rule that is too cut and dried and if they were to ring him or write to him he would say he thinks it most unlikely o.h. will have any problems driving, so he obviously isn't too worried. However, if this rule is to be used correctly then I think the specialist should be the one to contact dvla first.
He doesn't drive long distances often, maybe once a year, if that, and doesn't use motorways unless going on hols. When he travelled to visit his son, he went by train and would use that method again as he enjoyed it more than the hassle of driving anyway. If we go out anywhere it is almost always me driving, so it is only the small trip to work and back and around the city, when he drives.
I can quite understand your views Gail, don't think I am not sympathetic. I have been saying from the first time his doctor told him to stop driving when the tests weren't done, that he shouldn't drive, but altho his son offered to get him a bike for work and his dad spoke to him then, he ignored us all. I just don't know how I can sort it out - me stopping him using my car for work will cause me problems and wouldn't stop him from driving, he would just use his car that I usually drive so no difference.
Will let you know what happens. I already contacted his gp when he wouldn't stop on the first warning and he didn't do anything.
Take care,
Lizx

Well would you Christmas Eve it?

Phew!! I just called the dvla, pretended I was a friend of mine, if you catch my drift, and explained the situation. The chap said there would be very little likelihood of his licence being taken away, they would probably not even contact the specialist for comfirmation but they would just make a note on his records and of course if further problems occurred he would have to let them know.
So seems like it will all be ok, I will still be mobile, so will he and legally too! Just have to get him to call tomorrow morning now.
What a relief!
Lizx

You sound relieved Liz, and I'm so glad. It sounds like you have had a horrid time of it. At least you remain independant - a huge relief.

Take care.

Tina x

GREAT NEWS , Liz ,
Ros xxxxxxxxxxx

My father in law had to surrender his driving licence for a year after having a small seizure, he is due to go for his medical in june to see if he can get it back.

I felt the standard of my driving was not as good as it was and stopped driving.

James