General Chat

My mum was useless at praise too.
I wasn't allowed to be proud of anything I did.

I think this came home to me when I passed the 11+ in Cornwall - the only one of 4 siblings to do so - then, during the school holidays, the family moved to Hampshire.
I was deposited at my gran's in Cornwall for these 6 weeks. I hadn't even known this gran existed!!
When I got to Hampshire, mum was very annoyed. She'd tried to register me in the local Secondary School, (nearer than the Grammar)but they wouldn't have me, as I'd passed the 11+.
Mum's comment was that 'I wouldn't be able to cope, as the education standard in Cornwall was lower than in Hampshire, and I'd obviously passed an 'easier' 11+'!!

I think I heard every single comment, except for maggiew's wicked one. Thta's terrible

My OH had a similar mother ............. she compared him unfavourably to other family members, most often to her very clever brother who died of pneumonia at age 23 in 1937and was awarded a posthumous PhD.

Poor OH was always being told that "you've done well BUT E did better" ........... even as he got his own PhD

I was there when he was told "you drive very well, but your father is better"

She even carried that on to her grandchildren ........... my daughter was told "you play the piano very well, but R (cousin) is better"

Mind you, she then went to stay with her daughter, and said "R, you play the piano very well but your cousin is better" :-0

I THINK she thought she was encouraging people to do better ........ instead she largely destroyed their belief in themselves


My grandfather was fond of saying "stop pouting or your lip will stay like that and pigeons will land on it"

What I find interesting about this thread is that we are all from different parts of the country, yet we were all told similar things :-D

I remember my mum telling my brothers, If you fall off that wall dont come crying to me or I will give you something to cry for. :-S

How many of you have smacked yourself on the mouth when a Mum/Dad saying came out of your mouth?

I know I have! :-)

Every biscuit I ever asked for was accompanied by "And only one." when I only wanted one anyway but then felt duty bound to have two or three.

Stop crying, or I'll give you something to really cry about

:-(

I always tried not to repeat my mother.
I remember telling one of my children 'If you fall off that and break your leg, don't come running to me'. I realised what I'd said and added: 'You'll be in great pain and will be crawling', and she burst out laughing. :-D
My eldest had a habit of jumping up and down with her hands in front of her, if she didn't get what she wanted. I just used to tell her she looked like a constipated penguin. She soon stopped :-D

That is shocking about the 11 plus, Maggie!

I always remember my Mum spitting on a cotton handkerchief or even the corner of a pair of discarded knickers or clothing and spitting onto it before wiping my face. Ugh! I always hated it! :-0 :-0 :-0 :-0

When ever we actually ate out in tearooms as they were called then, I would invariably choose more that I could eat and got told "your eyes are bigger than your stomach".

I was also forever being told "little children should be seen and not heard".... something we did not say to our children.

Hence my mother telling me that my youngest was "too knowing that child" when my daughter corrected her. BTW my daughter was right.

As I got older there were remarks like "you can't go out looking like that" by today's standards it was very respectable. Funny thing though, was she did not mind me wanting my skirts shorter and shorter till they only just covered my bottom.

There was no praise in our house, for anything.

Remember taking my driving test and passing, and when i told Dad, all he said was 'well the money was not wasted then.' Not one word of congratulation, and nothing from my Mum.

:-| Sue

Going to see maternal grandparents, the rule was

" Little girls are seen but not heard"

Vowed never to be like that...... and never have....
How much I would have missed out on...

Also if sulking getting told " I could sit on that petted lip..."

So many off the previous entries bring back memories.

"Stop encouraging the dog to use the cat-flap"!

I went to Grammar School, but in the April before I took my GCE's, mum moved abroad - dad was already there - and my 19 year old sister and I were moved to a house in Southampton. I was allowed to carry on at the school to take my GCE's, but to take A levels, would have to leave the school (now a 6th form college), and all my friends, and attend a school in Southampton. So, before she left the UK, mum got me enrolled on a Norland Nanny course :-|
I left before it finished. In those times, it was all about 'controlling' children. Probably just as well I left when I did, as, just before what would have been the exams, mum insisted I join her and dad abroad.

When I came back, after 6 months, I b*ggered off to Portsmouth, then the Shetlands. Extremely difficult to contact me there.

I went to Uni when I was 40 - with no A levels. I got a 2:2 - not bad considering I had 2 teenage girls to contend with as well :-S

Mum's comment? 'Why did you want to waste 3 years of your life doing that? What do you need a degree for? Your brothers and sister don't need one'
My reply? 'Because I could - it was MY choice, and no, I don't 'need' a degree, but now I have one!!! :-D Oh - and my G... (my elder brother) went to Art College - he's got a degree, didn't you realise?'

Dermot, you really make me laugh :-D

Persephone - Whenever I've said to my OH that my eyes were bigger than my tummy, he's looked at me up and down and replied, 'I don't think so'! :-0 ;-)

:-) :-) :-)

My mother did the spit on the handkerchief routine regularly. I was well bathed in spit.
She also used to rub butter on your face if you banged your head.. all you got was a greasy face... I suppose that would be an open opportunity for a bit of spit later.

My youngest fell and banged her head when running around and a large lump came up and my mother was visiting at the time and straight away she said quick put some butter on it. My response was "she is not a piece of toast." My older daughter thought that was very funny but my mother was not amused. :-S

I think the butter thing was psychology. You got to kick the last bit of butter and it shut you up bellowing for a bit.

In concluding a bartering deal, it was a custom for both protagonists to spit on their palm before having a good old sturdy handshake agreeing terms.

I used to have to put my Ballet tutu on
and show off my dancing
for my Nana

God I hated it
all I wanted to do was play Rugby in the park with the boys :-( :-(