General Chat

Thank you hazel & Ann. Life is extremely difficult for all of us.

Am trying to get back on an even keel. mostly by translating a lot of recipes for one of my daughters, from Dutch to English.Many words cannot be translated, so it is a big challenge, maybe a good thing!!. Have done about 5, another 8-9 to go.Phew!!

It is a very difficult time of the year for very many people, of this I am veyy aware, so will keep them all in mind, during the worst periods.

Eileen

so pleased to see this thread is still going after such a long time - I've changed my board name from Ann of Green Gables by the way!!!

not sure if any of you have heard the sad news today that Wales football captain, Gary Speed aged 42, was found dead this morning having committed suicide - everyone is devastated.

However, I am hopeful that some good will come out of this terrible sadness in that it will highlight the plight of those suffering from depression and any form of mental illness - it must be talked about, not spoken about behind closed doors but out in the open as any other illness would be discussed

Gary was on a BBC sports TV programme and looked fine so I suspect he was suffering from clinical depression - something which I have but control with medication. Clinical depression sufferers generally donlt know they have it - I certainly didn't - they go around with a happy face and a cheerful demeanour but inside things are quite diffrerent

I attempted suicide back in 1996 - failed obviously - but it was only then I knew I had clinical depression - so you always have to be looking beneath the veneer of the happy face

hope I've not upset anyone here - not my intention :-D

Thanks for the kind words, Carole. Today's news about the footballer highlights how treacherous depression is. Many of us will understand how 'easy' it would be to suddenly act out on the feeling and also how having been behaving relatively normally, others after the tragedy would fail to comprehend the inner turmoil that had been endured.

It is important for carers and sufferers to know that the most dangerous periods, as far as depression and suicidal thinking are concerned, are I believe, just as one is going down and right at the end of the depression, probably because it is at such times that one has slightly more energy.

Keep safe everybody, not wishing to cause offence to anybody, but safety through understanding.

Good words, Lavender. Glad to see you back.

Wend x

(Will pm you tomorow)

Very courageous of you Ann to mention suicide. It is a hidden disease that takes too many young men and women.
While I have not made any serious attempts I have had thoughts of suicide in the past.
My theory for what it is worth is that no-one or very few people kill themselves because they have been brought into disgrace, to me suicidal thoughts are a symptom of a badly functioning mind and with care lives can be saved.
Too many people I have known have died this way, including a close relative.

Recently a well known cricket commentator died tragically in South Africa while covering the Australia-South Africa test matches. He was originally a South African, played for Somerset at one time and has lived in Austtralia for quite a few years.

The thing that I think is so wrong is that the way he killed himself has been publicised widely. Surely we do not want to tempt others? Also, all sorts of allegations about mis-behaviour have surfaced. Is it really necessary to drag these up? A man is dead. That should be enough.

Hi Lavender, I have watched your progress and think that you are doing well.

Also, hello to old acquaintances on this board- Carole, Mary, Hazel, Eileen and Ann (Glos). I haven't been on much for a combinaation of reasons. It is the middle of the night here and I am at work, about to go to a job site to collect some dust monitoring equipment I set up earlier, while asbestos is being removed.

It was 30 degrees today apparently, 86F. Glad I slept through the worst of it.

xx to all. Colin

Hello Colin, good to see you on here again. I often wonder why they publicise the way people take their own lives. It must give others ideas. We too have a suicide in the family, albeit my daughters in laws side, not direct family. It is so upsetting for those left behind wondering if they could have done something to prevent it. It must be so much worse if it is very public. I feel for Gary Speed's family.

I have e mailed Ann, not heard back yet.

Welcome back Colin, we've missed you!! As we have opened the door to mention of suicide, I will admit that I tried twice, once in my mid- teens, and once during a dreadful time with my ex-husband. Enough said. I can assure you that I am grateful now that I didn't succeed either time, and have gone on to develop more strength than I had at the time. That doesn't mean that those thoughts are obliterated forever, but I am more intellectually aware of what to do if they recur. To me there is a battle between emotional and intellectual self, reason goes quickly out the window if one doesn't have the strength to tackle the feeling. I should also add that consuming alcohol when one is down, only serves to exacerbate the negativity and despair. My ex was an alcoholic and the ready availablity of a lot of alcohol can be very tempting when one is vulnerable, and definitely led to my second attempt. For one's own protection when depressed, a well-stocked bar is not a good idea.
I feel for the families of those who succeed, the guilt and regret they may feel - I have also been in the position of having one of my adult children call me when he was feeling suicidal, and spent well over an hour talking him through, before it was safe to end the call. Never in my life have I been so terrified, but my own life experiences gave me insight into his emotions at the time. Mercifully he has been through counselling and medication, and is now better equipped to handle the dark hole when it recurs.
I am grateful for this thread, as are many of us. dear Carole who had the courage to post the initial thoughts, it's almost 4 years this thread has been going strong. I hope we can continue supporting each other, in good times and bad. Group hug . . .
Mary

hi Ann,..I found the thread..been reading quite a few .. i certainly dont feel like im on my own struggling with anxiety/depression. like i said on the other thread ive had it since i was 28 im 42 now...been on most anitdepessants..when i had my first panic/anxiety attack i thought i was dying...that rush of dreaded nasty adrenalin hit me from top of my head and whoosed down my body..hadnt a clue what was happening..at the time i was sitting with my friend..she rushed me to the doctors and i ran in the gps room!! all i could explain was someone had threw a bucket of dread and fear over me....i later had to see 5 gps to convince me i wasnt dying. i used to sit and watch my two toddlers sleeping thinking i wasnt going to see them again..I told my husband to find someone else as i didnt think he would lve me being as i was,..he turned out to be the best husband i could of wished for x i dropped down to under 7 stone. couldnt eat..felt constantly sick..darnt leave the house incase i had an anxiety attack....i still dont like to go out without anyone with me..i can nip out to the shop in the village as i know most people..but anywhere else my girls come with me or hubby does when hes back from work,,i dont mind staying at home its my comfort zone,,i potter around and i have my animals to take care of which hepls me so much. i used to say to my sis i want to feel NORMAL again! like she said what is normal !! since ive had this i never realised how many sufferers there are...i wish i could wave a magic wand and cure us all of it :-)

I am pleased that you have found your way onto this thread Psalms. Feel free to return at any time. There are many people on here who will listen.

Thanks again Ann x

Hello Colin, I haven't been around for a while and only just found your kind mention.

I do acknowledge that I used to be seriously unwell for a very long time and am generally much better nowadays but just going through a bit of a patch, disordered eating, mild depression, anxiety... just wondering whether to get counselling whilst I await my psychotherapy.

Take care, Lavender :-)

Psalms welcome to this thread. You put into words very well the feeling of an anxiety attack.
I remember the first's, thinking I would die from it! Looking at my children and not wanting to leave them to another woman to bring up. I thought my husband would find someone else!
Years on I don't get them any more I (well rarely)
My kids are grown up and now I worry they will inherit my problems with anxiety and depression.
Colin it's great to see you post again. How are you keeping?
Mary I can't believe this has been going nearly four years. I must admit I don't check in so often.
Been checking out the new newspaper web site. One line has made more than it's fair share of appearences over the years. They have gone down in my estimations!! Drunks, to having a gun go missing and posibly being used in a murder. Well must get off this computer and attemt some jobs round the house.

Psalms welcome to this thread. You put into words very well the feeling of an anxiety attack.
I remember the first's, thinking I would die from it! Looking at my children and not wanting to leave them to another woman to bring up. I thought my husband would find someone else!
Years on I don't get them any more I (well rarely)
My kids are grown up and now I worry they will inherit my problems with anxiety and depression.
Colin it's great to see you post again. How are you keeping?
Mary I can't believe this has been going nearly four years. I must admit I don't check in so often.
Been checking out the new newspaper web site. One line has made more than it's fair share of appearences over the years. They have gone down in my estimations!! Drunks, to having a gun go missing and posibly being used in a murder. Well must get off this computer and attemt some jobs round the house.

I don't know whether to be glad or sorry that this thread slides so far down the list. Glad because it probably means that people don't need it as much but sorry because I don't get to chat to so many people.

Anyway hope everyone is feeling OK and ready for Christmas. :-D

I haven't added anything to this thread for a long while but have been reading it. I am going through it again and Psalms puts it so well. I am back on anti depressants but not feeling any better with them, I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep the day away so that I don't have to live throught it. I hate waking up in the morning and thinking 'oh G*d another day to get through, how'. It isn't as if I could take myself off to the village, with being disabled and can't walk very well, theres no chance without OH, and if he's there we go in the car.
I'm not one to be happy doing nothing but if I try to do a bit of housework I fall over and hurt myself so it's not worth it, I leave it to my cleaner.
I hate this big black cloud but can never find my way out of it.

Ann I haven't got the first thing in for Christmas that's how down I am, I got my cards but not written any yet.
Sorry to moan girls.

Caz

Caz sorry to hear that your feeling so down
just a suggestion but have you thought about getting a mobility scooter, that would enable you to get out and about during the day even if it was for 5 minutes, as you know when Eddie had his accident he was so down but since getting his scooter he goes all over the place in it, even does the shopping for me and when he is out he often has a cup of tea / coffee with a slice of cake and talks to so many people when he is out and about . Best thing we done buying it and now l have one very happy husband :-D

Caz, I am so sorry to hear how down you are. I do so wish that there was something I could do for you. do you have anyone to visit and chat to you? Please don't worry about having a moan that is what Carole put this thread up for. Is Mummo's idea at all feasible do you think?

Mummo, I am so pleased to hear that Eddie's mobility scooter has given him a new lease of life. Well done to him for getting out and about.

Hi Psalms and welcome, we are a motley crew but combined are strong in our determination to help each other beat anxiety and the blues. I hear your thoughts so loud and clear, been on a slump myself several times this year when stress takes over and one truly only wants to sleep all day (and does). One summer I could not even go out the door into the garden. I use a SADD light for the past several winters which does help and my doctor wrote a prescription for my unit so I was able to claim it as a medical expense on my income tax return.
Dear Caz, I wish I could pop over and take you for a rolling stroll,, feel dreadful that you have had such a rotten time for so long, just know you are cared for and are surrounded by a virtual hug.
In my last post I mentioned suicidal thoughts, this week a friend is asking for help as she has multiple physical issues, among them diabetes,cancer, fibromyalgia, all exacerbated by a car accident where her vehicle dropped 2 feet into an unmarked hole in the road, and left her with unstable neck and migraines. It has seemed to me for some months that depression has been raising it's ugly head and taking over, numerous doctor visits later she is all but screaming for help, at which point her husband walked out, calling her a hypochondriac and a variety of other derogatory names which has sent her further down. I think she should be in hospital under close observation, but I am nobody in this situation. I am petrified that one day I will learn that she has ended it all.
Another friend is recovering from both West nile virus and viral meningitis, in her 60's and thin as a stick now, but here she is, only a month out of hospital after being close to death initially, volunteering to help with photos of pets and Santa, to raise money for one of the local animal welfare centres. The exact opposite of my other friend, this one also has survived cancer, has chronic lung disease, severe arthritis, but she's "not going to be beaten by soimething that cannot talk back". She WILL get better because of her attitude, where the other continues in the deep hole. My complaints are trivialised when I see this friend taking photos of dogs and cats today, weak as can be, but fighting back. Though I am well familiar with the black hole, and feel dreadful for my other friend who is suffering, I must just stand by and listen, when permitted, goodness knows people have listened to me when I was on my back emotionally.
My daughter Megan's boyfriend and she are anxious today as his dad has had a lung and several ribs removed surgically this morning for cancer. His wife is supportive but angry that she feels it was self-inflicted from 40 years of smoking heavily. I listen to her too, but hope she can focus on what a heavy price he is paying, without being reminded- he is well aware of the probable cause for his illness and today if fighting for his life, needing encouragement not condemnation.
Ok back to my marathon of daily life, sorry to ramble.
Mary

hello Carole :-)
gosh some days i feel a total failiure and wonder what the heck ive ever done so wrong to have this depression/anxiety take over my life,some g.ps ive been to see look at me with pity..i dont need that..i need a cure!
i think what totaly shook me was a letter from councilor from g.ps and it had mental health on the letter. i thought well thats it im going to be sectioned :-( that sent me into a panic attack.... at the moment i dont feel like doing anything but i push my self.... i have got into the habbit though of cleaning the house and having to have everything perfect..i know i have mild ocd....thats came with part n parcel of my anxiety..either clean or i would sleep 18 hrs a day...i can have 10 hrs sleep..get up and be totaly shatterd again an hour later,..and i am serious when i say i can go to sleep as if hadnt slept....so i keep busy...then toataly shatter myself out :-( but i keep plodding ....i have got s.a.d too. but im so relieved there are people on here who understand how it feels...but im still waiting to find that cure!! xx