General Chat

A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the
motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, & everything,
but something happened.

I'm trying to break this gently, but your willy was chopped off in
the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got
£9000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to
build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did,
better in fact.

But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an
inch.'

The bloke perks up at this. 'So the thing is' the doctor says,
'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's
something you'd better discuss with your wife.

I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for
a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine
inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this
time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a
role in helping you make the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back
the next day.

'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have.' says the fellow.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has' says the bloke.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . ........

'We're having a new kitchen'.

See you later Chef
have a good one
xx

wish i could join you, but w--k calls, back for lunch at oneish xxx

It sure is !
Have to help yourself though
I'm having a lazy day today
xx

morning all, if the kitchen is still open, I'll have
coffee and pancakes pleaze.

xx

dry toast, fraid not.

Morning Chef
Thanks I might just do that
xx

Yes I don't like soggy toast either
Don't think I could swallow it though
xx

morning clueless, why donn,t you try writting these into a book, i,d buy it, i just cann,t wait for my morning dose .Morning all

dry toast doesn't sound good lol
dunk it in the coffee Ellan
xx

You're welcome Ellan
Think there's some biccies there too
xx

Hello all

Coffee and tea is all ready
help yourselves.

I hit a rough one last night
so I'm gonna wrap the duvet round me
and sit in the corner
xx

What did the tooth brush want to become when he grew older?


A broom.





My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.





Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?


So she could draw blood.





What do you give a sick budgie?




I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?"


She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.





Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.


One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"


The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"



I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day.


Yes, I was dicing with death


Q: What do pilots eat?


A: Plane biscuits.



A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.


He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"


The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."


The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."