General Chat

i never got to see my parents grow old found my dad dying when i was just 14yrs he died in 1954 age 57 and my mum died in 1975 she was 67 and i sat by her bed while she was dying of cancer, three weeks later she died and it was very lonely as im only child
joyce from hollandx

well after reading through all the recent replys I guess I am lucky that my mum still has all her facultys.It is just her joint movements that are affected. But it is hard seeing her like that when she has always been so mobile especially when I was growing up she would take us cycling and join in playing rounders etc. And even played on the beach with my own kids.
I have been going around and around trying to get some sort of help for her. I finally got in touch with somebody, not sure which agency they are from but they are going to visit and assess her needs but it will take about 6 weeks before that. They should be able to provide a grant so that she can have a step in bath and handrail and other things to help her get around a bit better at home.
and as you say when you work and have a family and dog that needs walking it all takes time. Not much time left to look after yourself.
I am taking her to get her ears syringed today as since she moved I have been having to write things down or shout at her. She has finally got registered with a doctor. That took more than 3 weeks to sort out.

My father died this day in 1999 - my mother now in wonderful res.care home as she didn't recover from all the years she spent looking after him. I agree life is very cruel but all we can do is try and be strong.

Dad died in 1994 age 67, Mum 2003 age 68....it's no age, and I wasn't ready (not that I would ever have been)...I am 48 and sometimes feel like a small lost child. November my bro died aged 49 (MS)...My sis also is poorly with her MS.....life is sometimes very cruel.

TJ

today is the anniversay of my MiL death and wish both my inlaws were still around.

My mum and dad are still here and can see so many changes in them and dad is getting soo much like my nan I have warned him battling with one stubborn person in the famil is enough so he had better get back to normal.

Am meant to be seeing my nan on Saturday and havnt seen her for 4 years so no doubt will see a change which will be a shock

Yes, some days are just so hard, but you will get through it. Mum has no idea who we are and is now in residential care, but she is still my mum.

I love her to bits and nothing will ever change that......not even alzheimers.

That site has moderators and if you look at the factsheets it has masses of help and information to help all of you.

Good luck and I mean it if you ever need a shoulder, then pm me.

Only another relative of a sufferer can truly understand in my opinion anyway.

xx

Thank you
A special thank you to Kitty for the website I am going to look now! I am so sorry to know that your mum has alzheimers too. It is a dreadful illness. I was feeling really low when I posted that (at my wits end) but we live to fight another day!.
Hope you are coping. Hugs
C

Anon and lost I have the perfect place for you to get all the support you need.........my mum has alzheimers too.

This is my lifeline at times, more so as her AZ has gone to the late stages.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/forumdisplay.php?f=2

copy and paste it into your search engine.

Registration is free.

Pm me anytime, I truly do understand what you are going through.

xx

Just read the reply above mine. Don't know who you are Anon, but no, you are not a whinger.

You have my sympathy and my love (not that it will be much help unfortunately)

love and hugs are all I can offer you and prayers for you all (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
so sad for you,Bunny xxx

Yes it is hard watching parents getting old. Luckily mine are still fairly fit and fairly healthy.

I'm lucky because I still have both parents and both in laws, but it does hurt knowing that one day they won't be there.

It's even harder because I work with the elderly and sort of know what to expect. Must admit that it has made me a bit frightened of getting old.

Can I rage against the aging process? can I say I hate seeing my parents get old, HATE it.
I wake up this morning and thought omg I've got to take my parents to the hairdressers. Can hardly cope.They do not live with me.
Mum is not a shadow of her old self. She can barely walk. If we go far she has a wheel chair. I cannot mange it on my own, getting it in and out of the car. Dads too old to help.She also has alzheimers and doesn't know who I am. Cannot get into the car without step by step specific instructions. Can't understand instructions like put your leg over there. Has to be carefully moved. Cannot undretsand that to get into a car you have to walk round the door. Doesn't know where she is when we get home. Today we had been home for about ten mins. I showed her where the bathroom was, after a while she suddenly said Oh we are home. My dad is her carer and is finding it harder and harder to look after her.He says she has wee d on the settee. She cannot tell the difference between a toilet and a bath or the waste paper bin. She has defecated in the bin. She is not completely continent at night. She takes her clothes off. If I take them out my husband has to help. I like to take them for an outing every week plus other general bits and bobs. If she goes to the toilet when we are out I have to watch her or she will come out with her knickers round her knees.
I feel sick and shaky sometimes when I've visited them or taken them out. Hubby says I should feel pleased I've taken them to have a hair cut today and I am pleased but seeing what my mum has become is a nightmare. If it was someone else it might not matter but as its my own mother it seems worse.
My mother has a BA degree. She was always so prim and proper she waould hate knowing what she was like now. My father is so stressed and has all sorts of things he wants me to do. Cement some steps, take him to buy new curtains. My own house is a tip, I've got a job, husband and son and dog to look after.
Yes, I hate seeing my parents get old. I hate seeing the aging process at work. I hate the government for stopping prescribing Ebixa which might help my mum. Yes seeing them get older is horrible and I want to shout Help!
Rant over.
Love and hugs to anyone who is struggling to come to terms with this 'problem'
Anon in case you think I am a miserable whingeing***

Thanks, Rosie.

Gwynne

omg this thread is just too sad

beautiful poem Gwynne

jet (((hugs))) infact (((hugs))) for you all
Rosex

It's something very close to my heart all the time.

My Dad is 97 and has been living in a nursing home for over a year. He has almost totally lost his mobility and now his hearing is failing. His mind is still as alert as it ever was and he hates what is happening and it's tearing me apart to watch.

This poem by Dylan Thomas keeps whirling around my head -

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Gwynne

HOC, that is so sad. To have a partner and then be in your position... to have, and yet not have. X

Jet, you made me sad too, that was a
nice thought, a last rip to the pub...X

My mum died in 1983, and my dad although he died in 2005(?) might have been 06...... I had not seen him for 50 years. so I have not felt or seen the aging the process, but... my son is watching it and although he never mentions me, he talks, and mourns his dads decline!

Ah well girls, I came on very sad this morning and I've got worse.... so I'm off for a while.
Deanna X

Another scary thing is when you realise you are just like your mum and your grandmum. At 71 I am not ready to get old. Particularly as my OH has Alzheimers and I will be/am caring for him.

Enjoy your family while you have them Id say !! We are now in 70s and will celebrate our Golden Wedding in a couple of weeks Families these days are far more mobile move overseas :( One regret I have is that Family History didnt seem as important when I was younger as tracking would have been a lot easier with a bit more information
Margaret B

LL i they wouldn't need to speak just be there would be enough,

but i would ask all them questions about family, it may help with my brick walls....

honestly, just tell em how much i loved em:)

jetxx

thats a nice dream Jet but what would you honestly say to them.