General Chat

'You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said 'Did you get my drift?'.' 'So I went down the local supermarket, I said 'I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it', he said 'Those are pickled onions'.

Night Fran, sweet dreams Will add some more for you to enjoy tomorrow love becx

Thanks for all those Bec. PMSL. I'm off to bed now....1.10am here. At least I'll go to bed with a smile on my face. Nite for now, Fran :))))))) xx

I'm ok thanks Natalia, thanks for your kind words last night :-) My dad doesn't do the dad run but I did threaten to run around the dance floor at a wedding last weekend and slide on my knees! PMSL

Just to say Bec pet, I appreciate this thread very much - I'm laughing my back off with every new posting!! Hope you are ok today sweetheart! PS Does anyones dad do the dad run?? My dad doesnt but my granda does a beauty!!! Natalia xx

'A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said 'I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.'' 'There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.' 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, 'But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

I was at that show and appear fleetingly in the audience! He was soooooo funny! Julie xxx PS We weren't really at the top of the tower lol

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

Bec, Thanks for that. Laughing my socks off here. Love Peter Kaye. Jean x.

'So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.' 'He said 'You remind me of a pepper-pot', I said 'I'll take that as a condiment'.'

'But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.'

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.'

'I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought 'he's trying to pull a fast one'.'

'So I said 'Do you want a game of Darts?', he said 'OK then', I said 'Nearest to bull starts'. He said 'Baa', I said 'Moo', he said 'You're closest'.'

'Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.'

LOL at the peice of wood E x

'I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.'

'You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.'

' The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.'

'Some days you see lots of people on crutches.'