General Chat

Although I haven't been through a divorce myself, I have to agree with Elaine, in that divorce divorce may be difficult, painful, but... degrading ? I don't see why that should be the case. Hope you're OK Susie xx

Hi Paul, I think it could be degrading in the sense of having to let strangers (solicitors and judges) into your private life and see them pick over the details of your marriage. I think I would find that degrading, that's not to say I think being divorced in itself is degrading just the process, if you see what I mean. Gwynne

Its the only way if a partnership is on the rocks. Finish it and start afresh. Been there, done it. Like the dentist - painful at the time but not so much as letting the rot go on. len

I agree with you in principle Len, although there's something to be said for perseverence. I take your point too Gwynne, as you know, I've been through that process in other respects, and you're right, its not pleasant having someone go through your private life.

The only painfull part of my divorces was having my kids minds poisoned against me and ended up not seeing either of them for years. They were 3 and 4 years old when we divorced now they both adults seen my youngest but not my eldest all I can say is no matter what either partner has done to cause the divorce please dont poison the kids minds against them. This brings more pain than any solicitor or courts can ever inflict . One more thing why do people always assume its the male at fault in both my divorces it was my partners at fault both had affairs. Remember all members of the family feel the pain even if they dont show it openly. Paul

For me personally.... none!! It was the best thing I ever did. I was, with hindsight, young and stupid when I got married although I couldn't see it at the time. My parents and most other adults more or less predicted the outcome, but you know how it is, you think you know it all. Anyway, after a very short time true colours were shown and everything went downhill fast. I found myself with a young child, an irresponsible, immature and selfish husband who also resorted to violence on occasions. I made the decision at 10.30 one night, got my child up from bed, and walked away to my parents home. I have never looked back since. I cannot deny that I had a hard struggle on my own (this was 1964/5) because no help was offered to anyone on their own in those days. However, I was determined to re-build and I did. Apart from the fact that my child was a victim of only having one 'active' parent, we had a great relationship (and still do) and he enjoyed all the material benefits as a two-parent child - trips abroad with the school, holidays abroad with me and my immediate family, swimming lessons, support for whatever event he took part in, etc. etc. Divorce - and therefore life on your own - isn't something I necessarily advocate, but sometimes for the sake of sanity and survival, it is a necessary evil.

For Me Downside is....realising that the man you loved with all your heart, who would never in a million years hurt you...just did!! Upside is....realising that you never really loved him with all your heart...you only THOUGHT you did!! For Him Upside is...realising that the young slip of a girl who had a passion for life...also had a passion for him!! Downside is...realising that you couldn't possibly keep up with her fast life and would much rather be in front of the TV with the family instead of trying to pretend to love BOOM BOOM music...only to find that the family have moved on without you!! Sue xx

Good luck Susie...just good luck, and a loving thought sent to you xxx

too many to list .I've done it twice and still paying for them but have got 4 lovely kids :-)

Sue from Wakefield, l could'nt agree more with you lol Anne

Feeling like you have failed even if you have tried everything to keep it going!! People presuming you will go back to your maiden name. People putting MS instead of Mrs. Fighting over settlement!! All of the above happening RIGHT NOW!!

it is heartbreaking if you have children.my parents divorced when i was 14 at a time when i needed them both.i did rebel.it is heartbreaking when parents split up not just for them but the children aswell.i think people forget sometimes that the kids are never asked how they feel.that was my experience anywayxxxxx)))):

Divorce is like a death but the other half is still around and even if it is a split that you want it is still weird to see them, especially if they have someone else. Lots of down sides but lots of positive once it is over, I was married 25 years and expected the split, I have now been with my new hubby 10years, it made life quite exciting at the time!!! Janetx