General Chat

20 best Essex girl jokes (some of these are a bit rude) #1 Q: What's an Essex girls favorite wine? A: aw go-on take me to lakeside please please go-on take me #2 Q: What's an Essex Girls form of protection? A: Bus Shelters #3 Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Bag of Crisps? A: You only get one bang out of a bag of crisps #4 Q: How may Essex girls does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?. A: Five. One to make the mixture and Four to peel the Smarties. #5 Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine? A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it. #6 Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex? A: 'Do you really all play for the same football team?' #7 Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board? A: An ironing boards legs are difficult to part. #8 Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy? A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count. #9 Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her feet. #10 Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti? A: Spaghetti moves when you eat it. #11 Q: What does an Essex girl do with her asshole after sex? A: She takes him down the pub. #12 Q: What makes an Essex girls eyes light up? A: A torch shone in her ear. #13 Q: How do you know when an Essex girl's had an orgasm? A: She drops her bag of chips. #14 Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and the Titanic? A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic. #15 Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl? A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own. #16 An Essex girl is driving along and asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere warm, wet and smelly. He tells her that it's to late to drive to Canvey Island. #17 Q: What do an Essex girl and President Gorbachev have in common? A: They both get ***ed by eight men on holiday. #18 Q: Why do Essex Girls wear knickers? A: To keep their ankles warm #19 Q: How does an Essex girl get light? A: Open a car door. #20 Q: How does an Essex girl turn the light off after sex? A: She closes the car door

Paul An Essex girl is driving down the A13 towards Lakeside when she gets a call from her boyfriend. He says 'be careful some idiot is driving down the wrong way on the the A13' She replies ' You kidding - there are loads of them doing it...... Lynda (an Essex Girl)

Lynda - good one :)

Oh go on then, Paul, hit me with an Irish joke...if you can think of one? lol BC Magillycuddy....

Crystal Palace joke, Paul?! :-) Joy (with bouncebackability)

Joy, I got one Crystal Palace to be promoted this season ! Well it made me laugh ! ;o) Paul

Just for BC Seamus was tending bar when a patron came in and ordered a beer and a shot. A little while later another came in and they struck up a conversation. 'Let me buy you a drink in memory of my mother land, Ireland.' the first said. 'Ireland?, I'm from Ireland too. I come from Dublin. Let's drink to Dublin!' said the second. 'Dublin? Why I grew up there. Went to St. Mary's.' replied the first. 'Me too,' said the second, 'class of '57.' 'Seamus, another round for the Class of '57!' ordered the first. And so it went. A short time later another patron came in and asked, 'Hey Seamus, What's going on in here today?' 'Nothing much,' the bartender replied, 'Just have the O'Reilly twins in drunk again.'

PMSL....even tho I heard it before! LOL BC

good one Paul! :-) Joy (with CPFC's bouncebackability)

Gooners Paul?! :-) Joy

lol Paul ....that was funny :-)))))))))) about crystal palace I meant lol

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.

and another.... Q. 'What does a 3 pin plug and Arsenal Football Club have in common?' A. 'They're both useless in Europe'

LOL More Arsenal jokes please!!!!!!!!!!

Two birds with one stone... (slightly dated this one) Terry Venables and Arsene Wenger are getting interviewed at the end of last season and the interviewer turns to Wenger :'So Arsene after a few disastrous results in the last couple of weeks where do you see Arsenals season going from here?' 'Well, as I said at the start of the season, our main aim is to win the Premier league and I still think we're in with a good chance!' Interviewer turns to Venables: 'So then Terry, what do you think of Palaces prospects then?' 'Well I'm hoping that we'll go up as champions and probably win the FA Cup, then take the Premiership by storm in a couple of years, with a possible Grand Slam of all major domestic trophies!' The interviewer is a bit shocked and turns round to Venables and says: 'You're not serious, surely?' 'Well Arsene bloody started it!!'

Oh no!!!! Now you have overstepped the mark Paul!!! Leave the Arsenal alone!! (especially our Freddie) lol I can stand the Welsh jokes but this is toooooooooo much!!! SMACK!!!!!! :0P Joan

Paul PMSL :-)

*mortally offended by Welsh joke*