General Chat

I know some one who is very close to me and they where married 16yrs she put up with verbal and physical abuse the whole time is wasn't till he attacked her son that she left, He then went with some else who was the abusive partner though her ex boyfriend warned him what he put up with he didn't believe him till he was scalded with a pot of hot and other beatings then she left him and took their child. I thought what goes around comes around and still think it

It seems the Editor of the Sun is More 'Slap' Than Tickle, Hal.

Alter Ego, I agree that some men are treated badly by the courts. I have little sympathy with the men who dress up as super heroes after reading in depth about one of the leaders of this group. He doesn't see some of his children from his own choice, the mother of those children would love him to see and visit his children but he chooses not to. I can only surmise that his pursuit of access to the other child is a way of getting at the mother rather than any paternal feelings. Some of the men in this group do a disservice to fathers who are trying to get access by legal means. I agree that your friend who was stung for maintenance was put in an impossible position but the courts did sort it out. I have friends who are owed thousands of pounds by their ex-husbands who can well afford to pay what they should but choose not to. I condemn any parent who doesn't financially support his or her children. Deanna, I'm not sure what you mean watch what we are doing to our sons. We should surely want the best for all our children. To me that means equality of opportunity. Our children should be free to live their lives and pursue their dreams whatever sex they are. I can't see anything wrong with that. Gwynne

Hi all I don't think the media handled the story very sensitively and must have undone lots of good work already done in raising awareness of the issues of domestic violence for both genders. By the way, I am going to see Germaine Greer give a talk in a couple of weeks wonder if this issue will get raised? Cheers Kaz

well said dave.x

Personally I feel sorry for both Ross and Steve, They are actors playing parts of hard men. Because the tabloids make them out now that they are wimps because they have allowed their partners to hit them! Perhaps they are just nice blokes who dont hit women no matter what? It is very difficult for a man who is hit by a woman, he is in a no win situation. If a man hits a woman he is a wife beater, a bully, an abuser all quite rightly so. But if the man gets hit by his wife he is a WIMP! not that he has the will power not to hit a woman. Physical abuse within a relationship is not to be tolerated in any way, personally I think once you hit out your argument is lost.But Im sorry I feel so very sorry for men who have to suffer the indignity of this. Davex

Alter ego. I am with you all the way. and for others who may think that women get a raw deal. Not anymore, be very careful just how far we all go with this EQUALITY, watch what we are doing to our sons. This is not said to annoy, but to make you all think, and I am a mother of two girls and two boys, so I'm not biased in that way at least. Deanna X

Guinevere>>> I patently stated that i was not adressing anyone in particular at the beginning of my post. Secondly-dont read the tabloids-and dont presume that I think that GG is necessarily anti-men-I make a point of listening to her. The main point I was making was that the law seems to sympathise with women far more in the circumstances I described- my friend had suffered years of abuse,and for one mistake,he lost everything-her history of violence could not be proven,because it was never reported-the fact that you suggest that he should have had a smarter lawyer,in itself indicates the difficulty men face in these situations. I stand by my stance that the laws are biassed in general towards women - perhaps youd like to explain why men are having to go to ridiculous lenghths ,like dressing up as batman,in order to get the point of inequality across. I'm speaking from experience of seeing so many treated unjustly in the courts,and so many treated unjustly in society. My best friend has a son, and his mother was earning £56,000 a year ,son stays with mother,but sees father regularly because joint custody was granted.Despite the fact that the father,my mate, was earning only £200 a week,he was ordered to pay £120 in maintenance,despite the fact that he bought all his expensive sports gear,and fed him (after son complained of light snacks at his mums).She even wanted the money off him when father and sonwent on holiday together(father paid for everything)----priceless. Only after a lot of wrangling,and stress did he get the maintenance lowered to a sensible amount. Youre surely not telling me that the situation would have been the same if the mother and fathers personal circumstances had been reversed!!!!

Jim - I only hit my hubbie once, he hit me back (I was shocked) and we resorted to verbal fights ever since! It's a fine line between a marriage of passion (not brother/sister relationship) and one of abuse, isn't it? I wanted 'passion' when I was younger - now (happily) settle for the other!! Lily

There really is no excuse for Domestic Violence. It is the worst kind of abuse because the victim is usually tied to the agressor either by the bonds of marriage or of parenthood. It is a shame that men suffering at the hands of violent women feel unable to report it as it would reflect badly on their maleness to admit it. On a lighter note, my ex was cross with me at one time and threw a bag of fish and chips at me but I caught it and threw it back. It calmed her down a lot.

Alter Ego, I don't remember saying I found any humour in the situation. However, your view that society is baised against men is patently untrue. 'Men have no rights anymore'. Ridiculous. If the circumstances you describe happened as you said they did, then the man should have got a better lawyer. I find it hard to believe that he would be denied access by the courts, given the wife's history of violence towards him. But he shouldn't have hit his wife, any more than she was right to assault him. All domestic violence is to be condemned - as I have already said. I do not support women who withold access from their former partners, unless there is a history of abuse (more than one incident). Statistically, women are far more likely to be victims of domestic violence than men which is perhaps why this gets more press coverage. But that is not to say society condones violence to men, quite the contrary. Germaine Greer still has a lot to say because society is still unequal - men still earn more than women, for example. If you bothered to read what she says, rather than talk about what you think she says, or what the tabloids say she says, then you would realise that she is not anti men. Far from it. She is anti inequality. Supporting women doesn't automatically mean condemning men. Although she does criticise particular men and types of men, quite justifiably. There are reasons why men and women are violent and these are put forward in mitigation at trials - no more for women than for men. Gwynne

It's something we'll never know as Alter Ego has pointed out these things go on behind closed doors, everyone knows and no one actually does anything to help!! Alter my heart goes out to your pal. It is unjust ........ men are all to often given the burden to be a MAN ( protect , care & provide ) it starts from birth with comments like : Be a brave solider Don't cry your nearly a man Never hit a girl ( they are the weaker/fairer sex ) I'm sure more can be added. We're all the same inside aren't we? and I think we should start to be treated all the same. Feelings don't change 'cos we're a different sex ....... however our progamming starts as I say from birth!! Much happiness Debi

The Sun says Ms Wake was held but not interviewed after a verbal argument and that Ross incurred his injury while filming. Anyone know any film crew or extras to confirm this story? Beth :)

This isnt a personal reaction against any member,nor am i having a go at any women on this site>>>>>>>>>>> The humour arising from such an episode reminds me of the time when a friend of mine who was regularly attacked over a period of 5 years by his girlfriend.They had 2 small children,but the violence started before they were on the scene-he was quite a macho type,quiet with it,but you knew he could handle himself. He had scalding water thrown over him,charged at with a knife,punched,kicked the lot.On his rounds as a window cleaner,he would turn up regularly with a black eye.The reaction from his regulars was ....... 'fell off the ladder again ,then??' They all knew.......... He shrugged it off with his usual retisence.He put up with this for years,till hed had enough...............and lamped her one. Of course,now hes the bad person,doesnt get to see his kids,his father has no sympathy...blah,blah.......... This goes to illustrate how biassed this society is.Men have no rights anymore.If a woman is violent,theres always a justifiable reason-childhood abuse,hormones,repeated torment from the victim over a long period of time etc. Strange how these considerations are seldom considered or accepted for a male in the same situation,especially in a society where the likes of germaine Greer still feel they have something to say.

I don't really know what this is about - it hasn't appeared in the papers I read. However, I wonder if one reason for some papers finding the story amusing is that it is about Rebecca Wade who edits The Sun and those who work for other papers are happy to see her discomfort. It is the sort of story Ms Wade would have paid a lot of money for were she not involved. In my opinion she deserves all she gets. I have no respect for editors of most tabloids or those who write for them. I must add that I find domestic violence of any kind inexcusable. Gwynne

This was on the 10pm news last night.... and i was disgusted with a comment made by max clifford... he said' well if she did hit him, i am sure he deserved it' I hope that comment comes back to haunt him!!

I find it really weird that the papers and people I've spoken to seem to find it funny. Whether both actors were hit in one offs or not would people think it was funny if it was the actors who had hit the women?

another serious post - violence is not funny between anyone. I have had to take a 3 week old baby from his mother's arms as she was kicking a door in to get at baby's father. He had shut himself in a room to get away from her rage - he'd felt it before. :-((((

Will it be the Sun's headline tomorrow?

Poor man. It says an awful lot for him that he did not hit her back. Had he hit her, would it still be funny?? Deanna X