General Chat

*rushes in - squirts Joanie in the eye with water pistol* Blimey someone turn the heat up - BC looks a mite chilly over there with no clothes on ........... oh no - knows shes running - quick get a blanket PMSL ................ Joanie - a BIG (((hug))) for you honey - you come and moan to me by PM if you want someone to talk to xxxxxxx

Long joke cut short for your benefit …imagine country yokel voices (apologies to all yokels everywhere) Depressed farmer looking over the marvellous herd of prize-winning cows belonging to his next door neighbour… ‘I bin farmin’ years and never ‘ad such ‘erd a cows…’Ow d’yer do it?’ ‘Ah!’ says second farmer…’That be ar’rificial ‘semnation what does that’ ‘Oooooh’ ‘Arrr…You writes t’ministry an’ they’s sends a man down’… So the first farmer does just that…and the man arrives…. ‘You be man from min’stry?’ ‘I am my good man…’ ‘Weeell…cow shed’s over there…anythin’ you might be needin’?’ ‘A bucket of hot water might be handy…’ Farmer toddles off and comes back carrying a bucket…. ‘There’s yer water…cow shed’s over there an’ the nail’s on back o’ door!’ ‘Nail on the back of the door?’ ‘Weeeell…be wantin’ somewhere to ‘ang ‘ee trousers wunt yer?’

Prince Phillip was late for an apopointment and asked his driver to exceed the speed limit. His chauffeur refused, so PP took over the wheel himself They whizzed past a police car with a sergeant and a Pc in it. They overtook PP and pulled him over and the sgt instructed the PC to book the driver. The PC returned and said that he hadn,t booked him because someone in the back seat was too important to upset. The sergeant asked who it was and the PC said, 'Don,t know who it was, but Prince Phillip is his chauffeur.'' Boom boom. Happy days

och Joanie hen....wits up wi' yer lang face doll........ye'll be needing a wee drap banter and blethering happenin' the nicht....michty me!!!!

*shiver.....will do anything for a cheap laugh, me......lol

Ok Joan...just come back and tell us if we worked fuff! BC you must be freezing....I can just see you in your socks, and corn plasters and blue ti....er bits XXX

Joan, can I join you in being miserable??? The first couple of days in January are the worst of the year for me, for many reasons. It was also my first day back at work today, on the way home I got stuck due to defective train, and the kids have played up all evening so I've just sent them to bed. Am sitting here now trying to chill with a bottle of red wine I shouldn't have opened as I' sposed to be trying to be healthy this month. Angela

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. 2. Play must be permitted by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well-formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Angry course owners have been known to damage players' equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection. 10. Players should ensure that the match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course. 11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case. 12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of alignment with, and approach to the hole. 13. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine. 14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request. 15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

I might add I have stuck some corn plasters in strategic places...wouldnt like to cause offence, well not much anyway:)))) BC

Jules that made me smile :-)

Sorry to hear you're down Joan....hope someone has a happy effect on you tonight...??? By the way.....can I use your title in a fun thread..??... :)x

I'm here :0))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) *thinks that should cheer her up........pmsl

you needn't think I am sitting here all night cheering you up :-) I am going to sit here and scowl :-( XXXXX (((()))) thats all you are getting X

*takes off clothes again....OK Our Joanie, just for you, to give you a huge laugh. Have left me knee socks on for special effect:)))) XXXXX and a Hug......BC

Had a b*m day need a little hug or a silly joke, whatever just to kick start me into happy mode cos I feel very miserable tonight...... :0S Joan