General Chat

Bec Can't offer any advice I'm afraid, but hope you sort it soon. Jxx

Daisy - yes it does. And from spending a week with him in Rome, I know he has the potential to drive any normal person MAD! I just feel very helpless right now, he rings me in tears and there's nothing I can do to help him. Unfortunately both my parents have become very selfish and seem to have forgotten he's still a child! I know he's annoying at times... and slams doors etc but he's reached the point of blaming himself for all the tension/bad feeling in the home... and it's not his fault. Will try and speak to Dad, I just know he hates being criticised (like father like daughter!) but he needs to realise how upsetting this situation is. Thanks again Becx

Bec it's natural to want to help your brother but I'm not sure him living with you permanently is the answer and agree with what others have said. I have a 17 year old son (as you know) and although I wouldn't swap him for the world, I wouldn't wish him and his teenage habits/hormones/washing etc on anyone else for too long. However, we all need a bolthole from time to time and it sounds as though that's what he needs occasionally and you could provide it. I would also explain to your parents why you and he feel this is necessary. Don't forget what being a teenager is like though. Not wishing to offend any teenagers on here, I well remember it and thought I was the centre of the universe and the slightest thing my parents said or did could upset me. It never occured to me that my presence and moods might affect their relationship. So, lovely though he is, he may well be causing problems for them and at the end of the day, he will leave home in the next few years and they will still have to live together. Hope that makes sense? Daisy

Realistically (and selfishly) him living with me has the potential to go all wrong. I will ring my Dad later and try to explain things to him. I'm just getting very sick of being the go-between... especially when we're supposed to be adults! Thank you all for your advice, there's so much to consider and so much at stake... Anyone got a magic wand? Becx

you really are a lovely young lady. bryan.

Thanks everyone Hopefully I can speak to Dad and try and get him to see the real situation. Apart from the responsibilty of raising a teenager... there's also the financial implications. I'd have to get a bigger place and would need my Dad to give me some sort of allowance to cover his needs. It's all very frustrating as my Mum lives a couple of miles away from me in a 4 bedroom Townhouse with her fiance.

I have four step kids, we have good releationship, have had two living with us for various long periods in the past. I would and still don't ever discuss their mum in front of them (actually see her every saturday and we are good mates as it can be). So dad and Stepmum are wrong doing that. However seeing a teenager and living with one can be totally different. I think maybe a month in the summer hols is a good idea.......as for him to change where he lives and his life wont be easy for him. Even the best of blood parents can have a rocky road with teenagers, and any kid will tell the story as they see it. Unless his life is totally unbearable he may be best to stay as he hasn't long untill he is at an age he can map his own life. Also it could be if he does come Bec......and it is difficult....it could ruin what you have with him now. Or if you don't cope and he has to go back, it could cause you guilt and him resentment. So think carefully. Sorry for the book, my stepkids range from 26 -35yrs...and the youngest was 2yrs old when I came in to her life, so I know how hard the whole situation can be. Good luck what ever you choose to do XX

Sounds good Bec, but are you prepared to mother a teenage boy with all the problems teenagers have? You're hardly out of your teens & so may be able to empathise but will he listen to what you say. I think it's time for two lists of positives & negatives, being very honest with yourself. I also think you are a smashing sister to even think of it. Good luck Vivienne

Thanks Yvette, xxxx I do need to speak to Dad, it's just so frustrating... he tends to play the victim card. I find it so INCREDULOUS that he doesn't not see my brother as his focus! He's still a baby (well a teenager....) and needs to be their priority! I get very angry at both my parents and my sister for being so selfish and disregarding his happiness! Becx

Hi Bec... Maybe you could suggest that he comes and stops with you for a month.. This way.. you would both be able to see if you having him around, and vice versa works! Tough call really, as much as I love my Brother Pete, I dont think I could live with him... I wish you both the best.. whatever the outcome Maz x

Bec, that would be a big responsiblity for you. Not that you wouldn't be capable of handling it, it just that a teenager can be difficult sometimes no matter how good they are normally. Just weigh the pros and cons and go with your heart. Set some ground rules and stick to them. You know, curfews, school, responsiblilities around your place etc. Good luck and go with whats best for the both of you. Debxxx

Oh Bec, a tough one. Being responsible for a teenager is no easy thing, and it could spoil the relationship you have with your brother,. It really depends on how miserable he is with Dad and S/mum, if it really is too much for him maybe you need a trial run at it. However it may well be worth you having a chat with your Dad to let him know just how much it is all getting to Gav...especially the comments about his mum. Good luck whatever you decide. Yvette

My brother (16) lives with my Dad and Stepmum and has done for 3 years now. Unfortunately it's now making him very unhappy. My Dad and SM argue all the time, often go days without speaking to each other and frequently badmouth my Mother (they even have a nickname for her!) in front of my brother. As I see it, my brother is still a child and his happiness should be paramount... yet my Dad and Stepmum seem to think their relationship and subsequent happiness/unhappiness is more important. He's tried to talk to them but is told that he has a very good life and should put up with occasional problems (they're more than occasional)... they refuse to see that what they're doing is destructive. Realistically he can't move back to my Mum's, she likes her life as it is and would have no time for a teenage boy... so this has left me thinking... would it be better all round if he moves to Essex and lives with me?

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