General Chat

Helen, if he is only working part time what else is he doing? I would charge him the same as your daughter is paying at uni. My son moved out cos he didn't want to help round the house, and had to pay £60 a week just to rent a room in a shared house, although that included the gas and elec. Now at 23 he rents a flat from a housing association and has had to furnish that, he pays I think £68 rent weekly, gas, elec, telephone and internet etc, mobile, water on a meter, Council tax, and food etc etc. My o.h.'s son wasn't charged by his mother but bought a house with his girlfriend and had no idea how to manage - they split because he was always spending his money on himself, and not paying the mortgage etc and he owes thousands still altho he is back at his mother's, using the place as a hotel, and guess what, she is still not charging him board. He is coming up to 22 and will not pay his debts off - where will he end up? Bankrupt I suppose the way he is going. Kids need to learn where the money goes, it does them no favours to be mollycoddled.

When I had graduated and made the decision to defer going back to uni for a year (although I actually never went back in the end, I got a job in my chosen profession instead!) my parents charged me rent/household contribution. I don't remember what I paid them, some sort of percentage I'm sure. It was only fair, even if I was on the minimum wage, to contribute to the food & bills. I have always been brought up with some responsiblity though. I've always done chores round the house etc. It really used to drive me mad that my then bf came from a family where he wasn't expected to do anything round the house, and when he was working after uni his parents never charged him rent. At university he would go out and spend loads on DVDs and then have panics about being in his over draft. He'd never worked a day in his life til he had to get a job after university, not even a paper round. He was not prepared for life at all, his parents had mollycoddled him something rotten. Needless to say it was one of the contributing factors to us splitting. Regardless of how he initially reacts you have to do this, for his sake if not yours. He needs the responsibility. You are doing him a favour.

I think i used to pay my mum 25% of my wages, and didnt think it unfair at the time :))

Interesting comments. I think the majority agree on 25%. I have a prodigal daughter that always seems to return home when things go bad. She knows how hard it is to budget as she is a single mum on benefits. When we rescued her and had her and child here she decided to give us £20 per week which I just accepted cos we didnt want any arguing in the house as with her it blows up out of all proportion but then when she started going to asda and stocking up on a load of chocolate and junk foods I decided enough was enough and found her a place to live. I am the bread winner in our house and as she did nothing to help I felt she was taking the piss so more or less had to throw her out. Made sure I found somewhere suitable for her to go though and she definately aint coming back again as much as we love them.

It's times like this I am glad mine have flown the nest . What ever you do dont let him way with paying nothing,he has to learn. If he moans suggest he buy's his own food, give him a cupboard and shelf in the fridge and does all his own washing and ironing.That wil let him see how well off he really is,that's after he has tried it out lol. Marion

When our two started work, they were 'charged' a third of what they were earning for board and lodging and that increased proprtionately when they got pay rises. My daughter even paid me something from her bursary when she was a student nurse, not a third by any means but the gesture was there and at her suggestion. When our son was made redundant and went back to college to gain more trade qualifications he didn't pay board but our dinner was waiting on the table when we came in from work! I think paying board is the first real step in learning how to budget and it's essential for them to realise that life isn't a joy ride at their parent's expense. As far as the tidying up after him is concerned, I wouldn't. I used to have 'black bag days' where if anything was left strewn around it used to get bagged and they had to pay to get it out again - but then they weren't eighteen and the 'fine' was a nominal sum taken from their pocket money - at eighteen he should know better! Let him flip his lid - but don't feed him, wash or iron his clothes or let him wash himself, use the phone or computer, turn a light on or have heat in his room unless he pre-pays a set sum. He may prefer to pay board after all. Mags x

When I was still in high school with a casual job I payed $50 a week and so did my brother it went up as we got older and earned more money. I say definatly stop washing his clothes he won't do it till he realises you mean business (when he has not clean clothes) Bag anything he leaves around and when he asks about it say you figured he didn't want it so you donated it to charity. When I was at home I was chief cook, and my brother use to be a careless in reguard to considering others, so if he wasn't home by the time I started preparing dinner or if he didn't let me know he would be home and just a little late, then I wouldn't cook him anything. At first he didn't believe me until he came home asked about dinner and then got the poops with me bacause I said there was none. It wasn't long before he let me know. If he wants you to iron something get him to pay you on the spot, my brother wanted me to iron a pair of jeans for him once I said sure for a bottle of Malibu, he said ok here are the jeans I said where's the malibu, in the end he ironed his own jeans and never asked me again. I know people who's parents just packed their things for them kicking them out of home for not helping out. So pick you options, but remember whatever you do don't back down, follow the threat through. I was at home till I joined the military so you could always pic up information and joining forms for that, it would do him good. Jo

I charge son about a quarter of his take home money (£50). That covers his food, cleaning, ironing, washing, taxi service, electricity and heating and to be honest he gets about £20 a week back in subs and in 'can you just buy me some lynx africa mum' (I just had a phone call from him 'Can you do me a big favour mum, buy me two valentine cards, one funny, one more 'heartfelt'' (So heartfelt he is asking is mum to get it, eh)

I always had to pay 25% of what I earnt to my parents and I would expect nothing less if I had children. I suggest maybe you sit him down and explain the bills you pay and ask what he thinks is acceptable! It will be a shock to him to realise what things cost!