General Chat

Might be worth contacting the Eating Disorders people for advice too. Good luck.

Hi Jess, There speaks the voice of reason lol. I have to take her to the Dance shop after school today to pick up her Irish shoes (don't ask) and we go past Tesco, so I'll take her in and get her to choose some nice salty fatty junk to eat whist the rest of us eat normal stuff. I so hope this works... Liz x

c&P ''The final straw came this morning when I found yesterday's lunch comprising peanut buttter sandwich on home-made milk bread (her favourite), cereal bar and apple completely uneaten. When I asked what she did eat, she shrugged and said her friend had given her some crisps.'' i think that says it all really - she thinks she has you over a barel - if she was heading towrads anorexia or something similar, she'd have made that food disappear somewhere, and not have an issue made out of it.Especially as it sounds as though you bend over backwards to give her what she likes- except 'forbidden' things, which is what she is 'waving back' at you. Agree with yourself to do a month of junk, then maybe try and alter things a bit, back to your way. Jess

Thanks Angela and Deborah. I do try not to worry but... Liz x

Hi Liz BJ sounds exactly like my daughter. She started picking at the age of 12. Started off with just a yougurt for brekkie, an apple at lunch and picking at her dinner - ate only the meat. However would eat chips, crisps and other high sugar salt food. I'm afraid I let it ride. She soon got fed up with the lack of variety and the sluggishness it all brought. Now aged 14 she eats better , although will binge on rubbish occassionally, most of the time she'll eat her dinner in the evening with us , still has a yogurt for brekkie, but lunch is half a turkey sandwich or a cheese one , eats fruit that she buys herself ( we gave her money to choose her own fruit weekly/daily) makes smoothies and juices apple & oranges regularly........... this way she is in control to a degree. try not to panic..........its prolly a phase............but I know how useless words can be at times like this...........((hugs))

Liz I think that would be a great idea. I'm like you, I don't like to bother people I work with at work by asking advice on medical things even though they are qualified doctors. But you could always broach the subject carefully, saying you hope she doesn't mind you asking and you won't be offended if she would rather not offer any advice but you'd be grateful for her thoughts on whether you should bother your doctor ....... I've always found my colleagues are more than willing to help and its me that worries about asking. Something like this is important and you need to do everything you can for your daughter so its a case needs must. Angela

Thank you for the hug Pink, it is very much appreciated. Hi Angela, I have considered going to the GP (without her), and hubby thinks that is a good idea. I will see how things go over the weekend, and maybe go next week. Its funny, I go to my art class on a Friday with our GP's wife, they are friends from church, and she is a Doctor too, but not working now. I never like to ask her stuff like this though, I think she might think I am being cheeky. Maybe I'll run it by her this Fri and see what she thinks. Liz x

This is the kind of nightmare I dread might happen to us with our kids. I work in the healthy eating field and so have some knowledge but really don't have any answers for this. From what I've read on this thread my instinct is that the problem is pscyhological rather than dietary. I really would suggest talking to someone professional - maybe your gp in the first instance - with or without your daughter present depending on how you think that would work for you. Someone outside of the problem may be able to help you both see beyond your battle of wills and find a way forward. Otherwise I am worried that a solvable problem could become an entrenched one. I wish you luck. Angela

HUGE HUG BABE!! xx

Hi, I make smoothies for myself every morning using fresh or frozen fruit, milk and yogurt. Have offered them to BJ, she won't even take a sip. Just pulls a face and says 'Eewwwww, that's minging' or something similar. Back to the drawing board... Liz

Hi Liz How about trying home made smoothies? i brought a blender from A*gos for £10 and do my own home made smoothies. A nice easy one is 150 ml of milk and a banana. Blend it for about 30 seconds and you get a yummy thick but drinkable smoothie - a good way to get her drinking milk and having fruit. You could get her to watch the film Cocktail with Tom Cruise (no female can resist Tom in that film) :-) and tell her that your doing your own cocktails :-) Karen

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and sensitive replies. I have worried so much about this that I don't think I could think rationally about it anymore, and I really needed to sound off. As I expected, you have all been fantastic. The final straw came this morning when I found yesterday's lunch comprising peanut buttter sandwich on home-made milk bread (her favourite), cereal bar and apple completely uneaten. When I asked what she did eat, she shrugged and said her friend had given her some crisps. i did try school dinners for a while (at her request) but the school contacted me to say she wasn't eating them either. i think I am going to do as suggested and take away all pressure. I will let her pack her own lunchbox, and get a supply of chicken nuggets (cringe) for her tea. She can then choose them or what we are having. Hopefully she will get bored of the c**p before too long. I have just returned with Bj's big bro CJ from the orthodontist who reckons he has one of the worst overbite problems he has seen, and must start major brace work asap, and he will probably need surgery on his jaw when he is 17. CJ was so wonderful, taking it in all in his stride with a shrug and an 'Oh well...' I could cry! Liz x

Can i just say having been a foster carer for 15 years teenagers only, not eating is not always about thinking you are fat it is about the only thing you can be in control of. I would say try not to worry to much, as at least she is eating something even if it is rubbish food. try and take a step back and see where it go's for the next month or so. Tactfully talk to her about things that are going on in her life, she maybe moving schools this year, or she may have just gone on to secondary school, she may have a crush on a boy no end of things could be going on that you may not think could affect her, as they seem so un-affecting to us as adults. Try and point out how it will affect her Hair, skin and teeth saying how beautiful they are now and would like them to stay that way. Eating to much or to less comes from low self asthma and most 10 to 16 year old suffer from this at some point to different degrees. Hopefully it will right its self but if after a month or so she has a dramatic white loss or seems depressed then you will have to take matter in to your own hands and seek profession help. Remember you are the adult she is the child, she may not like it but you have a duty of care for her and in the long run she will realise that every thing you do and say is because you love her and keep telling her that every day as many times as you can. Diane. x

I agree with Jess. Forbidden fruit and all that. My son had a Jewish friend who gobbled bacon sandwiches every time he came round - me like a fool didn't realise his religious persuasion and served them up without any thought at all. I agree too that having a stand off is never going to resolve without compromise. Suggest brown bread or those 2 in 1 breads with her chocolate spread. Making her own milk shakes with pulped fruit and honey might be an alternative she might accept - if not don't worry about it. At least she's getting milk down her. Just casually point out that sugar in the Crusha syrup is not that good for waistline or teeth and let her choose. Let her have her choice for lunch including crisps on the understanding that she at least have a small portion of whatever you have cooked for dinner. At 11, with hormones raging, this is as much about growing up and making her mark as an individual (in her eyes) as anything else. Make it into a battle and you will start the war. I know it's important to make sure your children eat healthily but I think I would be tempted to relax the rules at this age and give her some say. Not to let her have her own way but to give her some freedom to choose. She will be eating that's the main thing. Of course she's going to create merry hell, she's in a corner and doesn't know how to get out of it. Mags xx .

I don't envy you at all..... and as a child who was FUSSY with food I can understand the problem. I wouldn't eat anything other than diet foods as i thought I was fat...... but crisps were my weakness!! I agree with Lindy, let her eat what she wants without comment but when she eats a healthy meal really go overboard on how well she did and she'll realise that its not getting her attention when she eats rubbish!! I still eat like a bird (1 meal a day) but I'm by no means skinny..... I weigh 10 1/2 stone so its done me no harm!! Good luck with it and just keep an eye on her body weight and only react if its bad!! xx

I tend to agree with Lindy. It is turning into a battle and unfortunately there are no winners. Let her choose what she wants for her meal. cook it for her, but cook normally for yourself/rest of family. If she just want crips let her eat them. i think she wll then grow out of it. If you make it into a battle she will become either anorexic or bulemic. You could point out the fact that 'you are what you eat' and rubbish food will probably give her bad skin etc. As a last resort maybe she need to talk to a school psychiatrist to find out why she doesn't like herself enough to put good food into her stomach. Ann Glos

or of course you could always do the complete reverse phsycology bit (hard thought it is).. let her do exactly as she pleases, eat what she wants.She'll soon get bored.her thriving is more important than anything else. If the additives/colouring affect her behavior, then you must then monitor it, and talk with her and make compromises. let her take ritz crackers ham and an apple to school - sounds fine to me

thanks guys, lots more replies, Just briefly (got to take son to orthodontist, will spend more time later) Dairylea spread makes her vomit, she removes the cheese from the lunchables and eats the rest. Have tried letting her cook with me, she loves it but still refuses to eat the end result. I allow her one packet of crisps a day if she eats her packed lunch, but she tries to hide her lunch after school, and then pinches the crisps anyway. I have discussed healthy eating and nutrition with her regularly since she was a little-un. Sjhe knows the facts, but chooses to disregard. She will only eat smooth yogurts with no bits, and then only if she *feels* in a yogurt mood. Like every other year lol And she won't eat cheese. Or potatoes, or eggs. She does like apples though, as long as they are perfect, but she can't live on apples can she? Aaarrggghhhh Liz

Hi Liz I was the same with milk.. I'd only drink milk if it was loaded with strawberry nesquick (more suger than crusher). We realised when I was 14 that dairy made me ill so mum payed to have me desensitised, but it only worked for about 5 years and then the old symptoms returned. I now only drink goats milk as it doesn't make me ill and I don't need the milkshake stuff in it. If BJ wants Dairylea lunchables for lunch, have you considered a comprimise and giving her cheese and crackers? you can then regulate what she's having a bit better. You could also try getting her to make her own sandwiches. If you buy uncut bread you can cut it for her and then let her make the sandwich the way she wants it, she may decide that if she's making them that she'll eat it. Crisps can be tricky, it is possable to buy crisps that are baked so they have less fat or I have seen fruit crisps on sale now too. Is it possable to make a deal with BJ? if she eats the evening meal, she can have a packet of crisps occationally if she is still hungrey. If it is possable get her involved in cooking for the family. Both my brother and me started cooking in primary school, and we became less fussy afterwards. Good luck with BJ.

I would let her eat whatshe wants rather than risk anorexia, she will soon realise home cooked healthy food is better, let her eat whatever ubbish she wants, and don't comment on it at all, she will hopefully realise quite soon that our home cooking does taste better, and if she wants to eat rubbish make her cook it herself xxhugxx it is a form of rebellon