General Chat

No Susan it isn't going to get better, all you can do is give your dad the support and love he needs be there for him............

thoughts and prayers Susan, for you and your mum, hope you can get thru these troubles with love and guideance. Deb

It's such a cruel, cruel illness, and one that helped to take my beloved maternal Nan. One of the most intelligent people I've ever known. I really feel for you and your family Susan, and can understand a bit of how helpless you must be feeling. Mercifully, my Grandad had died a few years before Nan (it would have broken his heart); it was his funeral that set the wheels in motion for Nan's decline. Huge hugs for your poor Mum, and hugs for you all, Glenys x

I used to work with people with dementia, and I used to find that the relatives suffered the most, I know this sounds silly, but their feelings for the person suffering and their desire to do everything for the loved one made it even more difficult for them, and since with some authoritys help is not easily forthcoming, its after all much cheaper if the sufferer stays at home and is cared for by the family, I know this sounds awful but it is I am afraid, true....it is very necessary to consider the welfare of mum and dad because she will not be able to, and if necessary fight like a tiger for both of them.......my love and good wishes go with all of you....Barbara.............

You are all wonderful. I knew that before, but the outpouring of love and support through replies and PM's is incredible. Thank you so much all of you and I will also think of you who are going through or have gone through a similar experience. Being the eldest I often feel responsible for my Mum, brother and sister. Well, my brother said to me yesterday, 'who put you in charge? We all pull together, no-one takes this on alone'. I felt so much better. We all have supportive spouses, but in a case like this you seem to need to your siblings to get through this and support Mum. Thank you all again. Love Susan xxx

susan the people on here are fantastic and so supportive,arent they? i wouldnt have got through the last 5 weeks if it wasnt for the support i have had on here. stay strong for your mum .sadly your dad wont realise that anything is wrong with him,its always the family that suffer in dementia cases. love to you and your family. susie xxx

Susan So sad for you all, sending you a (hug) as i know just how heartbreaking this can be. Thinking of you all. Yvette

susan all i can say is i send you a hug, its a cruel thing when t his happens to someone, have a girl i work with, she had a right year of it, she diagnosed with breast cancer, thats been caught in time, while shes been coping with helping her inlaws, as her mother in law is suffering alzheimers, i feel for you i really do, give your mum a hug too, hope you can get comfort from the bits in between when your dad will have the good days, thinking of you

Hi Susan, I haven't any advice, but you have my sympathy, bug hugs, and prayers that you will keep strong for your Mum and your Dad. It's hard watching our parents age and especially hard as we see them get ill, the two people who were always our invincible leaders.... My Dad's been ill for the past year - in and out of hospital, test after test, and a mountain of medication....I can't believe how much this has affected my Mum, the person I always saw as the strongest in the family. They're both approaching 80, and it isn't going to get easier. I have seen such huge changes in them both during this past year. I live overseas, but have spent more time with them this last year than I probably have in the last 10. All we can do is stay strong for them. I guess it's nature's way of telling us that's its now our turn to be a rock for them to lean on. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts...... (((((((((hugs))))))))) Karen x

thoughts and prayers for you and your family tina x

So sorry your family is having to deal with this illness and hope you get as much help as you can so your mum doesn't wear herself into the ground. I am sure you have already said this to her, but whilst it is honourable of her to try to keep her wedding vows, she has to ask herself if your dad could evaluate the situation would he want her to make herself ill caring for him, when a lot of the time he won't recognise her and could become aggressive or violent. He also made those vows and wouldn't want to be causing her more pain or worry than he could help, bless him. I was lucky in that altho my parents both died at 79 years of age, they died from heart attack (Mum) and lung cancer (Dad) and were both very much aware to the end. I helped with my elderly neighbours, one of whom had a husband who was getting very confused and driving her up the wall sometimes, and another who cared for her sister with Alzheimers and then suffered from it herself after her sister had died. She had already nursed her husband who also had Alzheimers prior to her sister coming to live with her. A cruel illness and very much the Long Goodbye. Will be thinking of you. Liz

sending big hugs ((((((((()))))))))

Sending you all ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bren, convincing my Mum to accept help is proving difficult. She feels she is failing him and told us that her vows said 'for better for worse, in sickness and health'. We are gently working on her! We are only just finding out what resources are available as we hit crisis point on Wednesday. This is all new for us. Again, thank you all for your support. Susan xx

No Susan It won't get better but with help from your Gp and the social worker things can be made easier to cope with. See what help can be given ,then the hard part will be getting your mother to accept some help In my experience women are very reluctant to hand over part of the care to someone else , they always think that they can and should be able to cope ,even when the odds are stacked against them If your dad is offered respite care to give your mum a rest let it be just that for her There's no need for her to visit all the time You and your family are going to need all the patience and tolerance you can find but somehow you will My thoughts are with you and your mum & dad Love Bren (Rtd Ward Sister ) .

Thank you everyone. Your PM's and replies are helping more than you know. What a terrible disease this is, it takes them away before you actually lose them. Again thank you so much. Susan

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm afraid I haven't any advice, but would just like to send you postive thoughts and best wishes xx

susan my heart goes out you and your family. thinking of you love susie xx

That's ok Susan. There are many of us in the same position on here, you are not alone, never forget that, and most are more than happy to lend an ear if you are having a bad day. It doesn't sound promising, I admit it does get easier for a little while when they don't know what's wrong with them, it's worse when they are aware, but sadly I can't lie & say that it gets better with time for those of us in the horrible postion of being able to do nothing but watch. It really is the 'Long Goodbye' illness. Try to push as hard as you can for the drugs that are available, they could give you your old Dad back for just a little while longer. All the best & contact me if you like, I don't mind. Take care Joan xxxxxx

Joan, Dad is 79. He has been through a lot of illness and his doctor told us that dementia can take hold very quickly when a person's defences are down. We have a meeting with a social worker after the weekend. She will be telling us all the resources we will have. Dad being in hospital at the moment is helping Mum to get some good sleep. The doctor told us that they can admit him to hospital and tell him he needs some tests so that Mum can have a break from him in future. Thank you all for your support, although it is nothing more than I expected. You are always ready with the right words. Susan