General Chat

Bless you!! He loved ya sweets no matter what!! xx

END OF STORY Just been to grave,put flowers and a copy of my posting,maybe he will understand now,bit melodramatic,isnt it ,but not very good with words.write as i say,nite nite sleep tight xxx

Oh Gwen Please don't feel that it's your fault. We all say, do or think bad things when we are angry. I lost my mum when I was very young and when she was ill my dad asked me to go to the shops and get her some asprins( children could get then back then) and I refused to go a few days later she went into hospital and I never saw her again. For years I blamed myself thinking if only I got got the bloody tablets she would still be here, but it's not the case. If you can't let go of the blame get intouch with a councillor and try and find peace through talking to them. I wish you peace and love. Lindaxx

Gwen, you poor thing, what a dreadful weight you have been carrying around with you all these years. There's nothing I can say but to reiterate what everyone else has said - this was in no way your fault. I do hope that by talking about this, you at least feel better in your own mind. Bev x

Gwen - I wouldn't be surprised if many of us had had that, or a similar, experience. Please ring me sometime .... or I shall ring you later.

OH Gwen.... if we had that much power in our minds.... I would have got rid of soooooooooo many people. :-0) We have ALL of us thought these things. You stop worrying about that.. Your dad would not give it a second thought. Deanna X

Gwen I was going to say the same as Mags from Bristol. I think something in you already sensed it had happened, but in your stress it came out as that thought. Honey you musn't blame yourself for something that had already happened. Like the others have said, you don't have that power, none of us do. Nobody hates you, you are one of the central characters on these boards, loved by everyone.

Oh Gwen, now I realise why this is your dark time, but don't let it be anymore, concentrate on happy memories of both your mum and your dad, and try to lose that burden of guilt bit by bit. I am sure your father does not blame you in any way and is sad for you feeling the way you do. Take care of yourself, especially this weekend, and well done for having the courage to talk to us about this. Better out in the open now so you can share the load. We are all around for you. love Liz x

I agree with Gwen love....you don't have that power.......this is mine.... Sister discovered through Doctor that Mum's stroke had given her dementia....she was still OK, but forgetful and prone to snappy outbursts (not Mum at all). I said that I wished that the next stroke would take her off - her worst nightmare was to lose her mind - 6 days later she had a pulmonary embolism. I said the same as you - I've killed my Mum. We do not have that power - it is coincidence...... Please be at peace with yourself...you did not do anything wrong...x

Many years when my mum was young and working her boss had a go at one of her colleagues and she said oh drop dead! Sadly he did and the poor girl was never the same. These things happen honey and there's nothing that can be done about it. My thoughts are with you, take care Julie xx

Gwen, The guilt you feel is not your fault. None of us want our loved ones to die while we are mad at them, but that's life. I have always felt a tinge of guilt because my Mother died when I was 3 months old, and I believe it was because she had not recovered from my birth. Now I can accept that I may have been the cause of her death, but it wasn't any willing act of mine, so not my fault..

You know Gwen I always believe you can't go 'before your time' we all have a set time to go and thats it, can't delay it either so no its not your fault Norah

No Gwen, not your fault. Your Dad's time had come, arguments or not. What do you think your Dad will be thinking now, knowing that his Gwen is hurting so much? I'm sure he'd want to put his arms around you and comfort you. Grief is such an awful experience, I do feel for you at the moment. (((HUGE HUGS)))

i didnt mean to ,ooh i dont know what i ment,i wanted to tell after all these years of feeling guilty,i always will,cant help it,i just posted an run if you understand, big conffession.i havnt looked im at work,thanks Polly (Sandra).going to cemetary,new headstone,,,i'll never stop feeling,guilty cant,but i told at last,

I bet your Dad wouldn't want you to have carried this guilt around for 30 years. There aren't many people alive who hasn't had a thought like that at some time. Talk to someone who can help you get over this, you have carried it for too long. Susan xx

Gwen my love, if every adult who had been wished dead, had died.....not one of us would be alive. If every one of us that had wished someone dead, had that come true, everyone of us would feel guilt, because we all do it at some point, in our minds or under our breath. How many of us have thought...'hope he/she doesn' come back' after a bad day with a loved one, and as they leave we take it for granted they will return. The gentlest of us do it......its human nature.....but on the odd occasion like yours when our thoughts or words become reality.....we think its our fault....no love it isn't......thinking it does not make someone die. If your Dad could have a moment back....he would want to tell you 'Gwen, it was not your fault my love. It was my time, is all. Please child of mine do not carry this with you, you have been my baby, my child, my daughter, now let this go' Gwen I bet my kids have wished me dead more than once....I know they don't mean it....I would never want their grief if I did die tainted with a soul destroying guilt, as you carry. I am sorry I did not mean to qwrite so much, as I have to go out, but please think my love.....you would not want your's to carry guilt.....today for your Dad....take the guilt......wrap it in a mental parcel...and get rid of it.....please XXXXXXXXX

If it's your fault DL, then it's my fault that my father died 9 days after my F-i-L, as I was at the hospital bedside and was saying with real conviction, that it should be my father (he was never a dad to me) not my F-i-L whome I loved like a dad, we all some times wish for some thing then it happens, but that is how life is, it's not us wishing that make things happen, they happen for a reason, so time for you to let go of the guilt, and stop beating your self up over some thing you had no control over. Bev

Sweets I have no more words to add than others have already said!! I too in the 6 months I had Daddy lost it once or twice and regret that every single day BUT I can't change it and i know he forgives me..... just as your dad will have forgiven you for your thoughts!! HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS Diana xx

Hi Gwen I live in a similar situation as you did with your Dad, we're with my FIL. I can really understand why you felt like you did, I often think the same (hasn't worked yet though!). It's the logical solution to the situation and nobody wants to live in an unhappy home. It's not healthy for two generations to live together like this, different ideas, different standards, different values etc, add in the kids and what you have is a VERY stressful situation. I agree with Mags about Sixth Sense. I think sometimes we have the ability to tune into something that we don't understand. When I was 9 years old walking home from school, a thought popped into my head that my Mum wouldn't be there as my 12 year old brother had a accident. He had a very serious accident a few days later - he was hit by a coach ended up in Intensive Care and permantly lost the sight of one of his eyes. Thankfully he did survive and has done well in his life. If only I could have warned him. My Dad wouldn't have coped without my Mum, and I said angerly once I hope you go before her - within 6 months he was dead. So Gwen - please do not blame yourself. It's a significant anniversary today for him. Spend today thinking about the good times and lay some flowers on his grave. I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to carry this burden for the rest of your life, enjoy what you have. Look after yourself Rachelxx

Dear Gwen, please do not beat yourself up over something over which you had no control................we all have bad thoughts, do stupid things which we regret, believe me you are not on your own................ Barbara..xx..xx..xx