General Chat

I have an assignment to hand in by the end of the week for my college course - feel really unsure about that too - managed to read a couple of others efforts this morning - all about on a par , and yet still dont feel mine is good enough. Yes, submit it and fail or try and make it better before i do, Not sure how to do that though. Again, its just OK, not GOOD- how do i make it good?

Jess, You may say that others could do what you do on here... but they don't, do they - you do ! I know its not easy though, no matter how highly other people think of you (and, you should know, most of us DO think highly of you), doesn't mean you automatically agree :) Hope you 'see the light' soon though :) Paul x

Jess, You should be extremely proud of everything that you have attempted, whether you have succeeded or not. There are only 24 hours in a day ... and yet you have attempted and acheived things in the last few years, that most folks wouldn't even bother thinking about let alone 'having a go at'. I know some men who wouldn't have a go at building a wall, be proud to be an independent woman !!! I'm certainly glad that we have met, and I'm proud to call you a friend ( what's the phone number ? ....... only joking lol !) I think that there is a little doubt in all of us, at some point. If your wall does the job it was intended to do, then just keep thinking about that £600 that you still have !!! :-))) Elaine ;-))

Jess, Stop being so 'Self Critical' I could,nt build a wall,I,d have to get a Builder to do it.Hence it would cost me that £600 Quid you saved yourself.So celebrate that fact and consider what you coulod spend it on. Be Happy. Best wishes, Hal.

Jess, I am sorry you are feeling rotten at the moment. I always feel that I am not good enough as well. I could not contemplate building a wall - I sit in admiration of you. I have never even put up a shelf! And if I did it would fall down! Liz

I was pleased i got as far as i did with the wall - i only set about it because the brickkie wanted £600 + to do it, I knew it wouldn't be perfect - far from it - but its not bad...even for me.But still i'm feeling down in the dumps about it. it is actually quite comforting to know i am not the only person that feel hopeless and helpless though

I think that we all feel like this sometimes...but in the end... we can only do our very best...we can't do more than that. Hetty

Just been thinking about this Jess and I wondered if you have the same problem as me, which is sort of related. Although I have quite a lot of friends I find it very hard to believe that anyone really likes me and if I'm going to meet someone new I'm convinced that they won't. Also, as happened yesterday, if I come across a nasty receptionist etc, I let them walk all over me instead of standing up for myself. This morning I had to give myself a talking to, then pick up the phone again and 'pleasantly' state clearly what I wanted in a voice that sounded confident. It worked and I got what I should have got yesterday:)) Chrissie xx p.s. Got to dash now before I'm caught on here lol - so not ignoring you:))

I sympathise, Jess - I'm the same. My trouble is I can't say no and I can't delegate - the two things I advise others to do! I do know, though, I would never tackle building a wall and am full of admiration that you even know how to start let alone achieve your goal. Well done, you! And that is praise, I would never patronise. Christine

Jess There is a lot of truth in what Barbara has said, if you can accept that your are an ok person then things will be ok. Humans have a negative habit of setting really high standards for themselves, these standards are impossible to meet because everyones idea of what is good or bad is percieved so differently, in other words if you can be happy with your work then that makes it ok, if im happy with mine thats ok too, so in a nut shell your ok im ok..... Libby :))

Jess I am sure many of us would like to have the confidence to even tackle building a wall. It sounds more as if you are a perfectionist. or else when you were younger somebody was aways telling you that what you had done was not good enough. When people say you have done well, if you trust them normally to be honest people, then you have to tell yourself to believe them. I know it is easy to say but I am sure nobody is patronising you. Do you think it is tied up with the adoption issue because the member of my family who is adopted has similar lack of self esteem sometimes, although they are getting better. People on here like and admire you, I am sure the same could be said of your friends off the boards, it seems you have to learn to like yourself. Ann Glos

I can be a bit of a perfectionist, but I'm getting better - you have to learn to accept that good is fine. With your garden wall it doesn't have to be perfect - if you needed it to be you would have got a trained person in to do it wouldn't you? If you consider the fact that you are not a bricky then maybe you'll look at your achievement a bit differently? I try to focus on my good qualities and work on the not so good ones, or forget them if there's nothing I can do about them. None of us are perfect, but all of us have lots of good qualities - you included. Kaye x

That's where you are wrong Jess. Anybody couldn't do what you do on here. As for the wall, obviously you are a perfectionist. Remember, nothing is ever perfect and I'm sure you have made a very good job of it. I wouldn't even know how to lay the first brick:) Listen to Barbara, she makes a very good point. Chrissie x

Not really Chrissie, i mean, what i do on here, anyone could do. i spent ages and ages building a brick wall last week - its not bad, he says it good, I know its 'good enough for the job' and yet i am not satisified with it. how do you cure that?

Jess, I felt like you for years, took me a long time and a wake up call to realise I am okay, in fact I am just fine, you have always struck me, in our short acquaintance on these boards as a witty, kind and competent lady, and I do not hand out compliments lightly I'm fine and youre fine..............love Barbara..xx

Join the club Jess. Thing is ... are you happy with what you have acheived ? I always make a list of everything that I have acheived for myself .... and then read it back to myself !! Usually works :-))) Elaine ;-))

If you find out Jess please let me know. I get similar feelings myself. I don't feel as though they are being patronising but I do always suspect they are being kind. I know that you do some brilliant work on here - surely you are proud of that? Chrissie x

struggling with myself at the moment, always do to a certain extent but seems especially bad at the moment. I take things on and do them , but only 'reasonably'. I never feel what i have done is good enough, and if someone tells me it is good , then i feel they are being patronising. jess