General Chat

Jess, a brickie will build a wall because it is his job and he has been trained to build that wall a certain way. People passing by don't look at it critically, they just think 'Oh here's a new wall'. You, on the other hand, built your wall for different reasons, one being that it was a money saver for you to do it, and two, because you were fairly certain you could make a good job of it. Now your wall does its job and anyone passing if they saw it would think as before, Oh, here's a new wall' If they hadn't seen you building it, they wouldn't know it wasn't built by a brickie who had been trained for the job and earned his living doing it. I am sure if we inspected many a 'professionally built' brick wall there would be slight inaccuracies in it, but whether in yours or the brickies wall, any slight wobbles or wrinkles, are all part of the character of it. So just tick the box that says 'wall' on your to-do list and be proud of the confidence you had to give it a go. Well done, Liz

Jess - I too struggle with self esteem about my own achievements. But I think I'm beginning to learn that I have different skills to other people - after all if I was good with cars I'd be a mechanic! Try looking at every brick in that wall as all the things you like about yourself. Don't compare yourself against others your perception of them is not always a reality. I know that there are many facets to my personality and at times some shine brighter than others but fundamentally I'm still a diamond x There now - that's my David Brent bit issued in an unpatronising way x Dianna

Jess Its good to strive for your best - YOUR best, no-one else's. But you also need to know your limitations and have realistic expectations of yourself. I take it you have never built a wall before? Can you not see that it would have been a miracle (LOL, the headscarf woman again) if you had got it perfect first time? Bricklayers have a two-year apprenticeship you know! You could knock it down and start again. This time you might get a different brick crooked. You could go on for ever like that. Look at your wall proudly and think 'I did that, all by myself'. I know a woman who is supremely self confident, never has the slightest doubts about herself and thinks the whole world is as enchanted with her as she is herself. She is an insufferable pain. OC

He and I have just been 'round' the wall again. I'm reasonably pleased with what i managed , despite his critisism as i built it. the reason he says he critisised ( although it irritated me at the time) was because he knew i'd not be satisfied with a brick squew-whiff 3 courses down- which is true!! I wasn't raised particually with critisism, the middle child of 3, my older brother didnt really achieve , my younger one had disabilities, so maybe i did think it was all up to me to get it right, dont know what the answer is really! if i dont try things, and hope for satisafaction, then there is little point in even trying, yet i want to try and get things right! blimey, i am a confused bunny! Jess

Not everyone is good at everything. Most of us are bad at a few things, mediocre at a lot of things, and blooming brilliant at one or two things. At the end of the day its up to you where you focus - there are some things that make you feel like you're walking on air if you get them perfect and that's a wonderful feeling to get - like getting something right family-wise, doing a good deed for a friend etc, so work for it. But lots of the time you just have to do a job that's fit for purpose and that's enough. Making a wall that does everything a wall does is one of those things I imagine. If its looks like a wall and behaves like a wall then its a wall and very well done! Just because it isn't the prettiest wall in the world (if it isn't!) doesn't matter. Especially if you don't normally make walls. There are lots of people who wouldn't even know where to start - my hubby included. Angela

I know what you mean. I hope it gets better for you. x

Hi Jess Much as I hate to bring up the 'A' word, I do think that a lot of our self-esteem/self-confidence issues are a throwback to it. You and I both had good placements and happy childhoods, yet I'm the same as you now; any work I produce isn't as good as anyone else's, I can never do enough for other people, etc. Just always desperate to please and make everyone happy! You've done brilliantly to even attempt building a wall, and not everybody could do the work you do on here. Mandy :) x

I don't know. I have always aimed to do better, but failed. Don't think I have ever reached goals. Joy

Jess Are you a Virgo, by any chance? My beautiful, clever, kind and funny daughter is a Virgo. She is never satified with anything she has done, never thinks its 'good enough'. This really worries me and I think, is it my fault, did I not praise her enough when she was a child? But I know I did - and that even then she was never pleased with anything she had done. I think its to do with being very clever - when you are very clever (like you are, Jess) you can see that there are a few people who are even cleverer than you and that makes you critical of yourself, because there is always a higher standard to be achieved. If you were thick as bricks, you'd be thrilled skinny with your wall, never mind what lukewarm praise your husband gave it. If you were thick, you would realise that you are not a SKILLED bricklayer and therefore be very pleased with your efforts, as an unskilled woman!!! When I was a child, it was considered a very bad idea to praise children for anything - they would get big-headed and start showing off. So I grew up in an atmosphere where I did not know where I was 'placed' in life - there were always children cleverer than me at school, so I just assumed I was thick and incapable of doing anything of much worth. It wasnt until I started work that I realised I was a lot better at a lot of things than other people - and that they admired me for it. It's the same with you Jess - I know I speak for many on these boards - you are a lot better at a lot of things than many of us! Take pride in what you have achieved, and what you achieve every day on here. If you don't think your achievements on here are worthy, well, um, that's rather insulting to us thickies! OC

small joke......... I always say that our cat's been to female empowerment classes.......... Barbara..xx

Jess, you are WODERFUL!! You just built a wall, managed NOT to be rude to some woman who told you that God had done it for you ... LOL, and made me laugh instead of making me feel bad when I told you to let your husband do it!! Do you remember that?? I still tell people about it... and make THEM laugh! You are , as far as I am concerned, a well rounded nice capable woman. Bet you're good looking too?? Deanna X

Repeat after me - 'Good enough for the purpose is good enough for the purpose and nothing is or can be perfect in everyone's eyes.' x

A quick reply cos I am supposed to be elsewhere but I had to read your thread twice, Jess. I had forgotten about your bricklaying talents, and thought to myself 'why is she taking ages to build a wall when I see everyone else getting upset when they come up against one, and try to knock it down!' Doh! I am like you, and many others on here and in the world, in that I try to be a perfectionist, and then when I don't think I have done well enough, get upset. I think that is where my ocd came from. Many of us in our group are perfectionists. When I was young I never got praise just always try harder etc and even when as an adult my parents never praised me for my achievements. You do wonders in many ways and maybe o.h. is just a bit envious cos he couldn't do the wall, and is one of those people who only give praise grudgingly or not at all. I bet your wall looks fine and what an achievement to say ' I built that' - well done and don't get downhearted. Multi tasking is an achievement in itself and you are master of that art so blow your own trumpet and don't let the b*****s get you down. Liz (who can never do a quick reply!!) lol

Maybe some positive thinking books from the library may help you to think differently. I have read some,and find myself more confident these days, so they do help.

lol Polly......

Sally, echoed what I was trying to say !!

Look at your life See what you have achieved Be proud of how far you have come despite setbacks Look at your family If they are proud of you, and your friends think you are great. ......then guess what......you are.......

Could you hand your assignment to a Uni student and ask them how they might 'fluff' it up a bit ? Just to get idea's .... I'm NOT suggesting you cheat or ask anyone for help ..... just get someone else's perspective on it ... If you have read a couple of others, and they seem ok, then you may already have a couple of idea's on how yours may read better ??? Having no idea to what you are referring, makes it almost impossible to help from a distance peeps ! Elaine ;-))

JESS. I have the same problem with self esteem. I think mine stems from the fact that I was in my brother's shadow, so to speak. I now accept that people think i am fairly clever, do lovely crosstitch and knit well. BUT It irks me that I can't crochet, but hey, we can't be good at everything. I could never build a wall, maybe i should have a go, I've watched my hubby do so many things, I just lack the confidence. When i read your thread when you were building your wall, I was wishing I could attempt that. I still have a water feature to install in the garden and hubby is still not well enough to begin the work, do you reckon I could build a cairn to sit the water feature on? I could have a try.!!!! Don't put yourself down, you have been a godsend on the boards in lots of ways. xxx Rosy

Positive thinking. Someone took offence at this once, but 'give your brain a shampoo' drain out all negative thoughts and think positive. Needs a bit of effort though. Happy days