General Chat

My son

why how old is he

My youngest son (20) has been a worry all his life to us. It got worse as he hit teenage years and at one point he was living rough having 'disappeared'. Shant go into the heartbreak of that. But he came home when he was 17, after a few false starts got a manual job, which isnt what wed hoped for him, but he is extremely dyslexic and this thwarts many a job even in this day of pc etc. (believe me folks, it does and I trained as a special needs assistant to help him). He went a bit doo lally again what with spliffs and raves and stuff and a string of loony girlfriends but he has met this girl about 4 months back and although he didnt bring her home he said she was good and kind and about a month ago he said he was moving in with her at her parents. This worried me sick and I wondered if that would mean he would lose his job - she lives out in the country and no buses etc. and it would be a downward spiral. So off he went and we were a bit cold towards him for a while.(But amazingly, he did up an old bike and he was cycling 5 miles into the nearest town with a train station and has kept on at the same job) BUT a couple of weeks ago he rang and asked if he could bring this girl home. I said of course he could - expecting the worse as all the others have had long black hair, white faces, black clothes - well you know the scene. So he knocks on the door and Im amazed she looks normal. (To be frank, a big girl which surprised me as all the others have been very slim and pretty, but quiet, kind face and respectful.) They went on a holiday together last week and came home early cos they were bored and he rang and said can we come over. Of course I said yes. He seems so changed, thoughtful - he brought home a present for me, they sat down and ate with us. Hubby had to take them back to her place - which he said is a huge country house with three very smart cars including a new Merc in the drive. Well, just this sec son has rung me - I was expecting the worse (after 20 years the phone ringing usually meant he was in trouble) but he just asked me what I thought of the girl. I said she seems very nice. And he said I just want you to know mum that this isnt my usual few weeks relationship. She is really important to me. I know she is a bit big (oh bless him) but I see past that to her personality and I think she is beautiful. I have sat here with tears running down my face. What a wonderful thing to say - he has always had girls chasing him, he is - without any bias - a very handsome boy. But how lovely he could say that and mean it. Oh thank you God, please let this be his turning point in life. My hubby said last night, He is changing so much I think I may offer him to work with me and take over the business when I retire. Up to now hubby said no way he will benefit from my 30 years hard graft. Feel so very happy for once! Wanted to share.

Fingers crossed its nice to hear a happy ending

Such a nice story Heather:)) I don't wan to make anyone bilious but falling in love can do that if we're lucky.

Oh Heather, that's lovely. After the awful year you had last year, it sounds as though this year is so much better. So very happy for you. Vivienne xx

Welcome her with open arms, Heather!!! Sounds like all the love and support you and your husband have given him over the years has finally kicked something into touch. Perhaps he sees caring and stability in her and recognises it for what it is worth, which says a lot about you and husband as parents and role models So pleased for you. Jay

Oh David, I do so hope so. I wont go into the ins and outs, but that boy brought me to the edge of a nervous breakdown and there were months when I didnt know if he was alive or dead or where he was. Id wander the streets of the city just looking for him and glimpsing tall blond boys would hare up the road calling his name just to be embarrassed when it wasnt him. It was a nightmare. I really pray to God this is his turning point. Thanks Jan and Lady - I was, frankly, taken aback when I saw her because she is so not like the girls he usually has. But she could have two heads and I wouldnt care if he is happy with her and she is kind to him. Apparently, she told me, she has no brothers and her father had longed for a son and is over the moon with having my son around with all the women in the house. He actually takes my son golfing (!!!) and fishing (!!!). Things he wouldnt have even contemplated and which would have been 'naff' last year.

Oh Heather that's so lovely. Brought a tear to my eye.! Maybe it just goes to show that they do take on board what you do and say for them. Good luck to him and his new girlfiend. catherine xx

How sweet, wishing you all the very best Lil

Hi Ya Heather, Your wonderful news about your Son was so moving to read throu. Despite the up's & downs that yourself & husband have experienced, it's very clear that you's have always been there for him. Wishing your Son & his girlfriend all the best in the future and that your family relationship goes from strength to strength. Though you sound alittle stunned, I bet your so proud of him...it's normal, you're a MUM...!!! Hope you're keeping well....Take Care. Hugs, Dawn.

And on top of being kind - son said 'Oh she thinks you are brill - really funny'. isnt that great - a girlfriend who actually likes me!

Just to say you don't know how much hope you've given me today :0)))))) Seems like I'm in a similar position as to how you were and so to see a happy outcome is lovely. Thank you for sharing that with us - I wish you all lots of luck. Let us know how the story unfolds wont you - hope you get to meet her parents. Jen

Sounds just like he's finally grown up. He's had his wild years and now he's settling down. Fingers crossed, but it sounds like he's grown into a lovely lad. AL

Thanks everyone, Im sitting here happy and grinning but nervous - just in case it goes bum upwards. The parents seem quite comfortably off and he told me they want him to go on holiday with them after Christmas - the Canaries I think. Theyve just come back from a Caribbean Cruise so at least money isnt a problem for them - I know that sounds awful, but not having money worries does help a lot - doesnt it. Jenn - if you told me 4 years ago that Id have a son who kissed me as he left the house and shouted I love you mum as he got in hubbys car last night I would have never believed you. In fact I thought by now Id have buried him. I had no hope for him at all and I look back and wonder how he ever managed to survive those years. The only calls we got were from police when he was arrested or found sleeping rough and even then they would add, he doesnt want you to come to the station but we have to let you know because of his age. Dont give up hope - hubbys do I know, if yours is anything like mine - but mums cant and wont.

Heather What a lovely story. My eldest girl was the teenager from Hell and at one point it was a toss up which one of us should be sectioned. She is now in her 30s, respectably married with a beautiful house, all of which they have worked for themselves, without any help from anyone at all. I am so proud of the way she has turned into a decent, caring, loving person. She has apologised so many times for the hell she put me through, but believe me, I don't need her apologies, her present life is enough for me. So, anyone going through this at the moment, don't depair - it does get better if you can just sit it out. OC

Well I keep hoping - my son's 27 and still hasn't grown up. Debby

Heather - Thank you :0)) You have really, really given me something to hold on to - yes Hubby has given up and no I won't! It has caused such difficulties and torn us apart but other people just say 'oh its just a stage, it'll be fine!' and yet I dont know of anyone else who has had the problems we have had, and that makes me feel isolated --- until i just read your post I thought it was just me! So thank you again and wish you well for the future - I bet you must feel like you can breathe again!!! gotta go - all the best jen x

Thanks OC - this son has ruled our lives for most of his. I gave up my job/career because no one could or would control him - I then fought the LEA for years until he was given a place at a specialist school. When he wanted to do work experience with planes and everyone said it was impossible I got him a place at Duxford imperial war museum and I stayed in B and B down there and helped in the archives. I trained as a special needs assistant to help him and so on and on and on. After all that, I thought what had been the point when he upped and disappeared one day. It broke my heart. But now, I feel every second of it was worthwhile if he is really this young man he seems to have become. Its beyond my wildest dreams and hopes for him. That kiss on my cheek last night as he left - it was so wonderful and so unexpected. This tall handsome smiling young man - he is hardly recognisable to what he was in those horror years. Anyone else who is going through hell with their youngsters, please do take heart - I and obviously O.C. know the terrible days and nights when your heart feels like it just cant take any more but take courage in the thought that weve been there and come out the other side.

You have always stuck by him Heather and now you should get your reward!! Isn't it lovely??!!!!!! Fingers crossed this lasts, but even if it doesn't he will have seen what it's like to be truly happy and to have others happy with him.....hopefully he will want to keep things that way. What a turn about re your hubby too!!!!!! (One day you may even be able to remove that trip wire?) I have a stupid grin on my face now.....you have made my day! Merry x