General Chat

Hi Pauline, Just popping in to send you my thoughts, sometimes families always expect you to be the strong one,regardless of how ill you are. They cant cope,they fall apart,but there comes a time when someone has to point them in the right direction. Perhaps your OH could talk to the counsellors.It might help. They have to put you first for a change. Sending you lots of hugs. Trish xxxx

Hi there its a ((((((((((((((GIANT HUG)))))))))))))))))) from me Malc xx

BIG HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Pauline There's no rule that says all three of you can't collapse at the same time! Feel you should take to YOUR bed, too, even if its only for a day. That'll surprise them I should think and maybe they'll rally round a bit. Before I got married, my Gran said to me 'Don't be too good at anything, and don't be too strong'. She was right as it happened, my ex was hopeless, acted like a little boy and treated me as his mummy. The one and only time I was ill enough to stay in bed, he went to stay with a friend! My FOUR year old daughter held my head while I threw up, bless her heart. By the time my ex returned, I was so ill I had to be hospitalised and the Doctor didnt half tell him what a selfish PIG he was! I never forgave my ex for his 'neglect' but I think it was what everyone else is saying - I was the strong one in the relationship and he just didnt have any 'coping' skills. I don't usually approve of emotional blackmail, but in your case, I think a bit of hysterical sobbing is called for.(With an audience of course). I wish you the very best of luck with your treatment. OC

Hi Pauline, Sorry to hear your difficulties you are going through and I hope that you're feeling a bit brighter now. My mum went through breast cancer and I know how worrying a time it was for us all as well as her. Sometimes it is hard for the families as they are frightened and worried by the illness but they can't sometimes talk to the person with the illness about their fears and it can make them stressed, grumpy and irritable or hide back and withdraw from showing how they really feel. As Mags said, I think your husband or anyone else in the family, that may want to, may benefit from having a chat with a support counsellor from time to time. There's things they need to say and questions that they may feel they want to ask that they feel awkward in front of the person they love or they may feel embarrased about asking the person or just opening up and showing how much they care if they are such a quiet person. I think talking helps sometimes but it has to be something that they are ready to do as you can't force them to open up. Be honest with them if you're having a rough day and say you need a bit of support as you don't feel up to whatever it is and see if they will help a bit more. Good luck and don't forget us all on here when you need support. Claire

Sending lots of hugs and love.......... love Barbara..xx

Pauline, you should never feel alone we are all here for you whenever needed-please be strong-I know so well how hard that is-but you can do it girl-just remember you have many, many friends here.

Hi Hope you OH uses his time off work wisely , recovers quickly & realises quickly he is the man of the house & where his strengths are needed. In the meantime have a lovely time with your daughter & grandchildren & if you need it when you get back here is a hug (((hug))))) Penny

Oh Bless you Pauline, It sounds like you really do need a huge hug. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGE SQUEEZE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Rosi

No, you are not being selfish. I think sometimes if you have been a strong person in your family, the rest of them don't offer the support as they feel you are still the strong one. I think it is assumed that if you need support or even a hug, you will say. I have had a few health scares and talking to my OH about them afterwards, that is what he said. He thought I was ok about it all and would have said if I felt low. So maybe you do need to just tell them. Good luck and I wish you all the best and hope you soon feel a lot better. Jacky x

Hi Pauline. Some hugs for you (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) I can sympathise with you as I have a friend fighting Multiple myeloma, which is a bone marrow disease I think. He was diagnosed 6 years ago ,had lots of chemo. and they have managed to keep it at bay for a long time now without more chemo. I Hope in telling you this that it will give you a bit of a boost . more Hugs Sunny R

Just on cue - elder daughter who lives across the road has asked me over for tea. She hasn't seen me, so can't know how I'm feeling. I'm off now and will have time with my 2 little grandaughters - always a good time. Mags, you hit the nail on the head!! Might just take up some of your ideas :-) Be back later, hopefully feeling in a more POSITIVE frame of mind! PP xx

You want to scream ‘Hang ON it’s ME that’s ill round here!’?? I am guessing that before this illness, you didn’t ever complain, soldiered on to make sure they were comfortable and happy and like you said ‘a rock’ for them no matter if you were tired or having an off day yourself? I daresay that there could be an element of them ‘not being able to cope’ with your illness but I am very tempted to say they are just being b* selfish! And I bet that’s how you are feeling right now too. It is often those that whinge daily and moan with toe-ache that get the sympathy and solicitous enquiries, people tiptoeing around them because they’re ‘not feeling well’ and it makes you sick and angry that you are not getting that from your family even though you are genuinely ill. I don’t blame you! I’m not saying that you should become one of those whingers, there’s a lot to be said for keeping positive and carrying on as normal as far as possible but they have got to be made to realise that you DO need some love and attention and NOW. If they won’t listen to you or perhaps think you’re just ‘going off on one’ then get your counsellor to suggest someone that could come and talk to them in an official capacity. Tell them how important it is that you have their support. Write buddy great notices and stick them everywhere! : ‘I am CLOSED’ ‘ I am having a bad day so clear off!’ ‘Today I am not cooking’ or even 'I NEED A HUG!' Stop being this rock they all depend on, even for a short while it may give them the wake-up call they need. Love and hugs as always Mags xxx

hi pauline,a big hug for you hun,mail me whenever you want to talk,you take care,xxxxxxxxxxxxjoy

Pauline,,, im sending you a big hug,,,and lots of chocolate brownies,,

Big Hug Pauline. Life can seem so hard, just keep plodding on love. Good luck with your treatment. Granny

Thinking of you Pauline. Take good care of yourself!! Mau ((((XXXX))))

A big hug and my thoughts are with you Pauline hope things improve Twizzle a bloke

Oh Pauline.... ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) Bloody typical bloke, can't deal with it.... gets sick or hides away himself. (I know I sound harsh... but it really is tough sometimes.) Ladies....if you have sons, please teach them some compassion & show them it's OK to care & to SHOW you care. Let's not have another generation of spoilt boys. Thinking of you Pauline. Good Luck.

thinking of you your hubby will be ok the upset tummy is down to the stress he just needs time to get his head round it all,you know what men are like