General Chat

Years ago, I was friendly with a woman who told me with great emotion that her mother had died when she was a child and she had been brought up by a horrible stepmother. She married and I was invited to the wedding, at which were two sisters of my friend and a lady they called 'Mum'. I remarked to one of the sisters 'Is that lady your stepmother?' She looked astonished and said, 'No, she's my real mum'. I said 'But I thought T's mum died when she was little and she was brought up by her stepmother' Sister looked at me as if I was mad and said 'I don't know where you got that from, but its wrong'. I felt stupid and humiliated. Later, my friend must have got wind of this conversation and said 'That lady we call Mum, she's just a family friend'. I never spoke to her again. OC

Many years ago I knew someone who clearly read those ‘Commando’ type magazines and imagined himself there most of the time. He had clearly crossed the line between this and a fantasy world. Anyone listening to his stories would KNOW that they couldn’t possibly be true – but they were entertaining for all that! Compulsive liars obviously do have a psychological problem of some sort and as like other addicts, they first have to realise and then admit they have a problem before they can do anything about it. Your friend may not appreciate being approached in this way, no matter how well meaning your intentions. You are right about her losing friends, it will happen because people do tire of being lied to even when they know it is happening. What your friend also risks, by living in this fantasy world is that if the real world intrudes and they want to share it too, that won’t be believed either. Compulsive liars can be entertaining – like I said earlier, but the world that man inhabited was his own little world. Attention seeking comes when friends are expected to enter the compulsive liar’s fantasy world and are successfully persuaded into believing those lies. That’s where friends are lost too; they feel betrayed when they find out the truth. I hope you find a way of getting round this problem. To my shame, I would be one of those friends that walked away when the lies got too much. Mags x

Sometimes gentle teasing can help - when they start telling you how they were whisked off in a spaceship by little green men or whatever, laugh uproariously and say 'Honestly, your imagination never stops amusing me'. This gives them a bit of a back out route, if they want it, because I think sometimes compulsive liars don't know how to stop themselves. If they can laugh with you and say 'yeah, ok, maybe it wasnt quite like that' then you have let them know their lies are rumbled, without forcing them to insist it is true. Probably best to do this in a one to one, rather than in a group, though. But how anyone could lie about their daughter having cancer is quite beyond me, and if it proves not to be true, I am afraid I would have to tackle this head on and 'express my disapproval' as it were! OC

I think it most probably a symtom of something more serious, an illness of some kind as Bryan suggests. The question is.................... what lies behind it? To be honest I do not know what to suggest. I wish you luck with your friend. Gerry :-))

Lynda, I agree, I also cringe with embarassment when I hear what's being trotted out lol! I suppose in some ways it must be quite nice to live in fantasy land instead of the real world? Mandy :) x

Bryan, you're so right, that's the problem. She has obviously convinced herself that she's telling the truth. Many of her friends are getting so fed up with it, that I'm afraid she will end up lonely and friendless. I agree with you about the OCD connection. Mandy xx

Led by one Tony Bliar

hi mandy, don't envy you having to discuss it with her, as sometimes it becomes such a habit, that the person actually believes the lies to be true, quite often the person is actually suffering from obsessive compulsive dissorder, and needs councelling. bryan.

I know one. It's called the labour party

Do any of you know one of these? Is it an illness, addiction or simply attention-seeking? I have a friend who is a compulsive liar, she is a lovely, kind person but just can’t help embellishing her life story. It’s got to the stage now where she’s ‘on a roll’ and can’t stop, but she doesn’t realise that everyone knows she doesn’t tell the truth! I was interested in this, so I had a browse on the net and this is what I found: “Compulsive lying is quite common. Medically speaking, compulsive liars can have serious personality disorders. A few are psychopathic, but others are merely suffering from some form of neurosis.” “Being a compulsive liar doesn't necessarily hold people back in their careers. I once worked with a woman who could not help embroidering the most outrageous details of her social life. The sad thing was that though she was successful professionally, it was clear that her lying left her out in the cold socially - and anyone that initially wanted to be her friend soon got pretty fed up with her fantasies and gave up on her”. “Compulsive lying is a form of addictive behaviour.” Any suggestions for how I broach this subject (or not!) with her? Mandy in Somerset :)

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