General Chat

I have removed my other comments That were considered arguementative, I have tried hard to keep the thread nice, I have kept my original opinion on here cos i stand by it as it is a fact, and can be checked up on, i won't go any further in trying to justify it cos i don't have to and for the good of the thread i won't I stand by my commets as i have the right to make them Sorry if you disagrees but that's your right too Lilx

Tinkle That is where I, as an adoptee at age 5, come from. I was happy with my adopted parents, but i so wanted to know something about my birth parents. Gerry :-))

When a birth mother gives up her child for adoption, she also gives up any rights she had (unfortunate for some, but that's the way it is). The adoptee is the 'innocent party' in all this, the one who didn't have any choice in the matter. There is an Adoption Contact Register at the GRO, and NORCAP also have one. It would be preferable if contact from the birth family was only facilitated once both parties were on the register. Mandy

surely if the choice is put to both the mother and child,both then have a right to say yes or no.some adopted children are quite happy with there adoptive parents,but would still like to see where they come from.again i feel its down to choice.x

I think the issue is that those that those adoptees are happy with the pieces as they are, may not want the bits all jumbled up again- Is it a birth mothers right to shake the box, as it were? I dont think so.Again I guess( guess because i dont know for a fact) that most knowing adoptees go thru a stage of being confused/wonder about who they are, and either make the choice to find out or not. if they are happy and decide against seeking, why should anyone else have the right to hunt them out?

just adding a little to this thread, i think for children who have been adopted so many feel they want the pieces fitting together,if only for closure. but also the mums who have given children away,not all is black and white.some have choices ,some do not. the more help our government give to help all sides,the lesser the upsets.x

Lil, are you going to tell us then? might just help some of us that find your theory hard to swallow

Thats ok Jerry i accept your appolige Lilx

That's ok Gerry, thank you. Mandy

I am sorry for shouting..............and i have now removed it. Just seemed to me that a row was brewing. Perhaps I was wrong. Sorry David and Lil if i mistook your enthusiasm for the debate. Gerry :-))

I am really sad and upset that this thread has resulted in a very valuable and informed opinion being removed. As I said before, this thread has been going throughout the day, with varying opinions, and it is a bad thing when it degenerates into arguing. Adoption is an extremely emotive subject, especially for those involved, and it is not a subject that can be commented on without careful thought and information. Mandy

Ok Lil it would be interesting to hear your specific view and so understand where you fit in the thinking. I found my birth mother, I chose to My brother has no desire to whatsoever, If his birth mother was to come looking for him she'd get short shrift, actually less than that - she wouldnt even get that How do you feel - in whichever part you play? **David, sorry you are going to do that - i was trying to understand where Lil was approaching this from

Excuse me Mandy read back and i quote 'Between 1936 and 1976 around half a million babies in Britain were given up for adoption, many of them against the wishes of their mothers. Now, as new legislation is introduced giving birth mothers the right to local authority help to find their children, this programme journeys with two women as they embark on the long and emotional search for their missing children' Lilx ps my comment As it says many of them were given up against the Mother wishes which did happen in them days families had a lot more influence in them days and forced unmarried Mothers to get rid of there babies, So from that side of the coin i agree with the change in legisalation, Lilx

Lil Are you an adoptee or a birth mother? Are you connected in a close way to anyone who is either of those? If not, then your opinion is not well-informed. David also asked reasonable questions and stated reasonable facts, as I am doing. It is rather odd that this discussion has lasted throughout the day with mature adults having differing opinions, yet the minute you arrive, it turns sour. Mandy

I strongly believe that adoption is one of those subjects where only those involved in adoption can truly know how it feels. Yes, we are all entitled to an opinion but it should be a well-informed one. Mandy

Why on earth cant we have a disscusion on the general board without it dissolving into a scrap? just agree to differ ,eh?

Going against the general trend of opinion i think......... As an adpopted child some years ago I wish one of my birth parents had made a move to 'find' me again. Dispite my asking and asking and asking my adopted parents about my birth parents they would NOT tell me a thing. It was pure chance I found out my birth parents' surname and my original name. It was not until after my adopted parents died that I got the full info from the papers they kept hidden from me. If only my birth parents............... Gerry :-))

Years ago promiscuity was frowned upon too, as was sex before marriage - it happened though. They had choices , they took them! I would say very few children given for adoption were from a married couple, I guess 80% were illigitimate. Dont suppose their parents approved of sex before marriage either, but they did that!

many of them did so of their own choosing too though. If we supposed it was 50/50, half were forced and half chose too, I wonder how many of those 50% that chose to would SAY they were forced into the decision, to relieve their guilt though? ( or what they might see as guilt?)

Jess, I absolutely agree. My birth mother already had one child, and she was taken back home with her. When she got pregnant again, she was told that she would have to go away and give the baby up, but she could then return home. She tells the story that she wasn't allowed to keep the baby but she doesn't tell the whole story, ie that she never did return home, and stayed on in the same flat with her other daughter, so no need to have given me up after all. Mandy x