General Chat

Lesley I apologise now if I have repeated any from earlier. 1. Two blondes walk into a building...you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message......if you want any marijuana...press the hash key. 3 My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.... a strong current pulled him under. 4. I went to a seafood disco last week..... I pulled a muscle. 5.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire and it sank.....proving once and for all, you can't have your kayak and heat it. 6 Man walks into the doctors and says he has hurt his arm in several places........doctor said not to go there anymore 7. Two fat blokes in a pub...one says ...'your round', the other says, 'so are you you fat ********' 8. Two elephants walk off a cliff .... boom, boom!! 9. Doctor I cant stop singing ' The green green grass of home', doctor says 'it sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome'. Man says, 'Is it common'?.......doc says ' Its not unusual' 10. Icecream man was found lying on the floor inside his van covered with hundreds and thousands.....police said he topped himself. Regards Brian

An old lady in hospital decided to strip off and do a streak down the men's ward just for fun. That night when the lights were turned down low she did the streak. Two men in beds next to each other saw her and one man said 'Who's that woman that's just run down the ward' ? The other guy said, 'I don't know, but her nightie needs ironing'.

what goses uh eck uh eck wrong again!!! the stupid phantom nudger joycexxx

Why did the little boy throw his toast at the window ?? Because he wanted to see the butter fly..

I liked that site .... :-) PS I so wish I could remember the name of that person!!!

lol Joy....... I notice you've got an elephant theme going on. Are you trying to make a point about my poor memory lol

Q: What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? A: About three thousand miles. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do elephants take when they get hysterical? A: Trunkquilizers. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper? A: You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do elephants talk to each other? A: By 'elephone.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments. http://homepage.eircom.net/~cronews/elep/elep.html

Must admit, that last elephant one was a little surreal lol

Thank you .... *bows*. Am still trying to understand the last one!

Thanks Joy - still like the dinosaur one. That's my favourite lol.

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles? A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard? A: No, of course not. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do elephants live in herds? A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border? A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him 'lunch'. ....................................... what ???? .... no more from me ... :-)

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one? A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance? A: 'Look, a herd of elephants in the distance' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance? A: 'Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!'

a man goes to doctor and says he thinks he is a moth, the doctor examines him and says go and see a psychiatrist, the man says i was on my way there when i saw your light on.

Oh I like these jokes lol

What do you call a blind dinosaur? I-don't-think-he-saurus. What do you call shoes made from banana skin? Slippers!

a nice easy one to remember An englishman, a scotsman and an Irishman walked into a pub The barman said Is this some kind of a joke

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill. Why is tennis such a loud game? Because each player raises a racquet. Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled? A: They are too difficult to iron.