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My friend bought me a book as part of my christmas present called Change the world for a fiver. It gives you 50 actions to change the world and make you feel good. Action 19 is Learn one good joke (and it gives lots of reasons why this is good) I'm useless at telling jokes and I always seem to forget them after people tell me.........so I thought I would start with this. Can anyone give me their best/favourite clean joke that is guaranteed to make people laugh no matter how poor the delivery lol. Much appreciated.

Oh I doubt that very much TW ;-)

Why not have a scroll through threads on here, there are loads of joke threads, some of them are even clean jokes lol

I don't know what you mean Lesley *flutters eyelashes innocently*

lol TW. You're right there are some very funny jokes on here, but I wanted one that Ican 'deliver' well and is guaranteed to make people laugh because I really am that BAD at telling jokes lol

Hmmm sounds like you need some one-liners then.... I'll have a look..

You can't beat Tommy Cooper for good (and silly) one-liners, so nudged a thread up for you.

Thanks Tw - I'll have a read through them.

Here's one... A man goes into a bar and asks for a brandy, 10 brandies later the barman says 'I have never seen anyone drink like that' The man says 'you would if you had got what I have got' 'Whats that then?' the man says - '50p'

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?' He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: 'An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?' The computer guy grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?' 'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, ' and I think you'll figure it out.' So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

Just sat here laughing at the ID 10 T joke, o.h. asked why I was laughing so I said, this joke amused me, listen, and read it out to him. He kept saying yes but what was the error? Doh, it's a JOKE! I said. Yes but, didn't he tell her what the error was? IT'S A JOKE! He just couldn't get this - now you know why I come on here for light relief and intelligent conversation! Liz

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?' The blond replies.....'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?'

Did you get him to write it down Liz? I actually used that on one of my team when I was working.....I got chased around the office for that one lol

Oh yes, Teresa, but he still wasn't with it!! I give up!

There was an old man in France who used to get up every morning at five A.M. He would then go and sprinkle a white powder on the roads. When he was asked what he was sprinkling on the roads, he answered that it was elephant powder. The person then remarked 'But everybody knows that there are no elephants in France!' to which he answered 'I guess it must be working then!'

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled? A: They are too difficult to iron.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill. Why is tennis such a loud game? Because each player raises a racquet. Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.

a nice easy one to remember An englishman, a scotsman and an Irishman walked into a pub The barman said Is this some kind of a joke

What do you call a blind dinosaur? I-don't-think-he-saurus. What do you call shoes made from banana skin? Slippers!