General Chat

In a similar vein...................... You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground, And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round. And he galloped into market street, his badge upon his chest, His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue, She lived all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22. They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic, But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week. They called him Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. She said she'd like to bathe in milk, he said, 'All right, sweetheart,' And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart. He said, 'D'you want it pasturized? 'Cause pasturized is best,' She says, 'Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest.' That tickled old Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. Now Ernie had a rival, an evil-looking man, Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van. He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread, And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head. She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said, 'If you treat me right, You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night.' He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way, And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day. Poor Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. One lunch time Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door, It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four. And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course, And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse. Whose name was Trigger, (Trigger), and he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west. Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hand, He said, 'If you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man.' 'Oh why don't we play cards for her?' he sneeringly replied, 'And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side.' Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun, They stood there face to face, and Ted went for his bun. But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned, And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand. Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart, As Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart. And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust, Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust. Poor Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die, And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky. Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned, And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land. But a woman's needs are many fold and Sue, she married Ted, But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed. Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate? Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate? They won't forget Ernie, (Ernie), and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.

The one most singular thing that may catch one's eye upon entering is the sign declaring in rather large letters of a red hue that smoking is prohibited. Apparently these cigarettes contain tar which is known to build up and ultimately obstruct one's breathing system, creating a thick, sticky, stringy mucous. Upon taking my place on one of the various seats along with many others I become aware that they may think I am there purely to cause mischief or, indeed, worse. Their expressions are those of sadness and worse, even pain, and it occurs to me that they may be here due to ill health for they are surely not here through choice. The elderly ladies to my right are even quietly discussing all manner of medical conditions. Old George then limps through the door, aided by his crutches, to take up his customary place before seeing the doctor to ask once more whether at last, after 20 years, there may be a miracle cure. He may have asked the doctor so many times already but he is still met with affection and a welcome and is told that he is still in one piece. As for me? Well I only wanted a prescription which, as it is ready prepared, I take and leave the others to discuss their pains and grab their potions.

ark at you.........smarty pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;0)xxxx

Well you did want a translation!

Hays, just what I was thinking, lah de dah! Hi Errol! and Sis

Always makes me laugh, Ernie's song! and as for the Wurzels lol

Errol, and a very good one it was too, well done! lol

anyone else need a laugh this morning?

Yes Liz, just say it......you know it already, don't you....

I read it first (mentally)in a West country accent. but then several words didn't quite fir so I thought it was suffolk. Ann Glos

Does anyone know where this is from Linda On Charity Sundee mornin' aw us young uns used walk rind in a procession fer show us new clothes off. Wey set off abite 'afe-past eight an wey walked miles. It's a funny thing but ar never remember it reenin' - it awwees seymed fer bey a roastin' 'ot dee. Ar used bey aw of a sweat in me new serge suit, an' me feyt 'ad blisters on 'em larke 'afe-cryns with me new shoes. Wey 'ad buns an' coffee 'afe wee through th'mornin', an' somebody awwees managed fer sheyd some coffee dine ther new clothes. After us dinner, wey 'ad fer bey in th'Sundee School just turned two o'clock ready fer go on th'steege. Th'wenches 'ad fer wear wheyte frocks on th'steege. Ar remember one yeer when ar was singin' a duet with one o' theyse wenches. Instead o' comin' in a wheyte frock 'er come in a breyght red un. Ee! it was a reyght bobby-dazzler. 'Er stood ite larke a soer thumb an' it fair put me off me singin'. Ther was a bloke neemed Ernie wot used sit on th'bottom row o' th'steege. 'Is job was fer sey we didna talk or fidget too much. But at th'service at neyght ey 'ad 'is 'ands full with them as fell asleyp. Wot with that big walk rind in th'mornin' an' aw th' excitement ther was awwees a little un or two wot fell asleyp on ther perches. Some on 'em coulda dropped off th'steege onter th'floer if Ernie 'adna bin theer fer ketch 'em. Th'Chapel was awwees crammed full. Folks 'ad fer come an' 'our or moer afoer service tarme if thee wanted bey sure o' a seyt. Owd Jim Viggars was a dab-'and at packin' folks in. It's a wonder them Chapel wo's didna start bulgin' ite. Dust know, sirree, ar've seyn 'im tak a fat un ite o' a pew an' put 'im on a cheer an' then put two thin uns in th'pew wheer ey'd 'ad th' fat un frum. Ar remember one yeer when th'minister's weyfe turned up leete - wey were 'afe-wee through th'fost hymn. Th'steward 'adna got a seyt fer 'er but ey didna larke th'idea o' th' minister's weyfe standin' up. Ey tried pushin' 'er inter th'end o' one o' th' pews but 'er said ther wouldna bey room fer everybody when thee sat dine. So ey said: 'Ar'll tell yer wot fer do missus - when yer get ter th'last line o' th'hymm yo meeke sure fer sit dine fost, an' them others'll squeyze thersels in some road or other. An' thee did. But after th'service 'er reckoned 'er'd never bey th'reyght sheepe ever aggen.' A. Scott

Not a clue, Linda, help us out here please. Mine of course was broad Norfolk!

Hi Liz This is how they used to talk in the potteries, my f i l talked a lot like this. I can read it but dont speak it but a lot of the very old people use some of the words now Take Care Linda