General Chat

and this is a favourite song lol, because it reminds me of someone :-)


It's over, we've missed the bus,
A nice idea, but not for us;
We didn't click, let's make it quick
And say goodbye;
Don't hold me hand and don't demand
A reason why...
No loving looks... No fond regards...
Tonight, was always on the cards..

I like big muscles, you were thin and lanky;
I like nice manners, you were far too cranky;
You blew your nose and then looked in your hanky;
Things would never have worked.

The day I met you was a real heart-wrencher;
I thought that love would be a big adventure;
Then saw the spinach on your bottom denture;
Things would never have worked.

I wanted champagne and oysters,
'Cos that's the way I am;
You gave me Vimto... tinned carrots...
And spam.

I wanted love to come and knock our blocks off;
But even Venus takes her card and clocks off;
Your idea of foreplay was to take your socks off;
Things would never have worked.

Raport's a thing you just can't manufacture;
You had your pin-up girl... I couldn't match her;
I didn't want to, it was Mrs Thatcher;
Things would never have worked.

I wanted moonlight, and roses,
And all that silly tosh;
You want gerbils... A whippet...
A wash.

I wanted love poems, you couldn't write them;
My earlobes nibbled, but you wouldn't bite them;
You would fart and then attempt to light them;
Things would never have worked.

We're not compatible, let's not get blue, dear;
At least we see each other's point of view, dear;
I like big hunky men, and so do you dear;
Things would never have worked! "

She's brilliant!!! :-D :-D

She is a superb entertainer and I can watch dinner laddies over and over again and Acorn Antiques was wonderful

That's funny Rose :-D

Rose I absolutely love Victoria Wood :-D have a dvd of her onstage and doesn't matter how many times I watch her I always laugh me socks off :-D such a clever writer :-D

Mau x

Freda and Barry sat one night;
The sky was clear, the stars were bright;
The wind was soft, the moon was up;
Freda drained her cocoa cup.

She licked her lips; she felt sublime!
She switched off Gardener’s Question Time.
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie and said:

“Let’s do it, let’s do it, do it while the mood is right!
I’m feeling
Appealing,
I’ve really got an appetite.
I’m on fire
With desire —
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!”


But he said:


“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,
I don’t believe in too much sex.
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.
No derision,
My decision:
I’d rather watch the Spinners on the television.
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.”

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,
I’m not exactly Russell Brand.
You’re thwarted:
I’m sorted,
Got the evening’s telly planned;
It’s a pity;
The nitty-gritty:
I’ve taped eleven episodes of Holby City.
I can’t do it, can’t do it tonight.”


So she said


“Let’s do it, let’s do it, do it till our hearts go boom
Go native,
Creative,
Living in the living room.
This folly
Is jolly;
Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley!
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.


But he said:


“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,
My heavy-breathing days are gone.
I’m older,
Feel colder;
It’s other things that turn me on.
I’m imploring —
I’m boring —
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring!
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.”

“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,
My heavy-breathing days are gone.
Niagara,
Viagra,
Nothing really turns me on.
Stop stewing —
Pooh-poohing —
I’ve had a good look down there and there’s nothing doing.
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.”


Then she said


“Let’s do it, let’s do it, have a crazy night of love!
I’ll strip bare,
I’ll just wear
Stilettos and an oven glove!
Don’t starve a
Girl of a palaver,
Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava.
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!”

“Let’s do it, let’s do it, while I’m really in the mood ...
Three cheers!
It’s years
Since I caught you even semi-nude.
Get drastic,
Gymnastic —
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic but
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!”


But he said


“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,
I know I’ll only get it wrong.
Don’t angle
For me to dangle,
My arms have never been that strong;
Stop pouting!
Stop shouting —
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
Let's do it Let's do it tonight"

....and there's so much more:-D

Thank you,Rambling Rose and Mauonthe coast for those little gems.I haven't heard of anything from Victoria Wood for a long time- I had a book called "Thoughts of a Late Night Knitter", or something similar,I think it was a book of her poems,from memory,but it was a long time ago.

Margot.

:-D :-D I loved that Mau lol.

I think her humour ages very well, sometimes you watch comedy shows that were good at the time and they have lost topical relevance a bit, but I still think of her
' Welcome to the world of Sasharel' every time I go past the cosmetics counters of a big store :-)

Love VW, never tire of watching her and that is one of my favourites Mau.

hahaha "this is Madeline speaking" :-D priceless timing :-D


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1RUpcxq92o

ROSE you've started me off on YTube :-D....now what was I supposed to be doing ;-)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKRcm5v30tw

MAU, LOLOL it's all your fault ;-)

I hadn't heard that one, and then couldn't resist listening to more including another I hadn't heard...which is not going to have it's lyrics posted here :-0 :-D

'political correctness gone mad 'song.... but oh it did make me laugh :-)

and I am supposed to be hoovering or going to the post if it has stopped raining

Thanks for those Mau very funny. I have done my hoovering Rose *feeling smug!

Well girls been out to the washing line (in the rain) and carried back in soggy troosers and meself :-| :-(

Shall we put the pc one on Rose? that'll get the rrer twitching lolol.......Ann you're smirking ;-)

I think it might give the rrer a seizure Mau!

I haven't bothered to try and get wshing out, it has rained all day...but I have done some hoovering :-)