General Chat

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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:-D :-D :-D

I loved this one:-

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

There was a sign down the road that said "School Go Slow" so I went slow.

This is true. We were out for Sunday lunch a couple of weeks ago. I said to five year old J, "don't eat with your mouth open" . Slight pause J looking confused :-S said " but how do I put food in if its closed. <3 <3 <3

:-D :-D

Paula+ :-D :-D :-D

Teacher said, "Now boys and girls, we are going to use grown-up talk, not baby-talk from now on".

"Jennie, what did you do on Sunday?"
"I went on a choo-choo".
"No,no,no, you went on a train, use grown up words".

"Joseph, what did you do on Sunday?"
"I rode on a gee-gee".
"No, no no, you rode on a pony, use grown up words".

"Millie, what did you do?"
"I played with my bunnies".
"No,no,no, you played with your rabbits, use grown up words".

She turned to Tommy, (its always Tommy).
"What did you do?"
"I read a book miss".
"Oh well done Tommy, you used grown up words. What book did you read?"
" Winnie the Shit " !

Now I am waiting for some prude to report me.

:-D :-D :-D

sally w <3

sooooooooo good
:-D :-D :-D

Lol, Brilliant as always. :-D :-D :-D

Makes a change from me BarnyKent.......... ;-)

:-D :-D :-D Mr M

:-D :-D :-DBarneyKent

Not been reported. Wow, that makes a first, there are quite a few people on these boards whose purpose in life is to report my every discretion.

And I said the common word for brown smelly stuff and got away with it !

I love these Threads :-D Good to start the day with a laugh :-D

In my case the end of the day :-D

lol Barney :-D

I told my Mum the "Winnie" joke a few years ago.

She smacked me!

I think I was 52 at the time.

:-D :-D

This is true..
I used to work in a school and one day a boy of about 8yrs old came over and asked.


How do you spell but?
( He spoke in a local Glasgow accent)

B-U-T ....I responded.
After a pause, he said "Naw! the other but.
B-U-T-T I said.

"Naw Mrs the other other but"

Trying a different tack, I said "What is your sentence"

Answer:
Ma pal's wee dug but me !

Susie and Tommy come into school from play,
hullo Susie and Tommy says the teacher, what have you been doing while out to play, ive been playing in the sand pit says Susie, thats good says teacher can you write sand pit on the board for me?
so Susie writes 'sand pit' on the board, and teacher says excellent! for that you can have a biscuit , Tommy says I've been making sand castles........thats nice, says teacher, can you write sand castles on the board for me?, so Tommy writes
'sand castels'
..well thats not quite right she says but I'll give you a biscuit any way............

turning around she sees little Mustafa looking sheepish, what have you been doing? did you play with Susie and Tommy in the sand pit?

No miss he says they wouldnt let me, they kept throwing sand at me, and demanding I open my shirt to show I am not wearing explosives!!!

Well says teacher, thats definately not nice, that sounds like blatant racial discrimination, to me........tell you what, if you can write racial discrimination on the board, I'll give you a biscuit!!