General Chat

I saw a Dutch guy with shoes that had built in satnav. Bl**dy clever clogs

Doctors at hospitals across Merseyside have defended the practice of slapping newborn babies twice when they are born . A spokesman said , " The first time is to clear their airways , and the second , to make them let go of the midwife's watch !"

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder if they could still get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out." and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait they discuss the eternal aspect of it all... "What if it doesn't work," they wondered. "would we be stuck together forever?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled... "Yes" he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" says the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground!!

"What's wrong?" ask the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON !!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"