General Chat

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Friday evening I was out with a group of friends when my friends husband said something about another friend (not with us at the time) it was truthful but referred to a very private matter. I knew it would have repercussions not only to the individual but to her family. I thought it was a mean and nasty thing to do. I spoke to my friends husband later about what he said and he said “You should always tell the truth”

Is it always the best to tell the truth?

definitely not - truth can be extremely hurtful sometimes - that's where white lies come in very handy

And when he said "You should always tell the truth", - there is an alternative which is "say nothing"

I don't think you should lie but i think its better to say nothing at all, especially if it will later cause hurt or pain to other people, is perhaps a better idea.

I probably would have tried to change the subject without getting too involved.

I said nothing at the time; neither did anyone else, but the damage had been done.

I think you did the best thing by saying nothing at the time. He was wrong, very wrong to mention it at all. I hope the possible upset from this is minimal :-(

My partners mother is a poser who tries to be somebody she is not but would like you to think she is. He was brought up to tell people what they want to hear and always agree with them.

I hate it!

It makes me feel uncertain. I can't ask his opinion because I never know if it is true.

There is a kind of gossipy knowledge of truth within a village community. It is an oddly intangible thing in which we run each other down within ourselves but,if somebody is kicked down the pub, every one of us in the community limps a bit.

There are times, and there are times.
If it's going to cause unecessary hurt/pain/embarassment with not tangible result, escept urt/pain or embarassment, why bother? That's just nasty.
Somethng I taught my girls when they were young, the phrases 'Out of this world' and 'Like nothing on Earth' as words, mean similar things, but actually the opposite!!
So, if someone had bought (and was wearing) a new outfit that looked awful, it's better to use the phrase 'Out of this world'. The person had bought the outfit, was wearing it, obviously liked it - so why burst their bubble?

Mind you - they weren't allowed to use this tactic with me - and never do :-P

I think that telling the truth should be on a right to know basis.

Anything that is private should be kept private, unless not telling shoul have dire consequenses.

Saying things in a social situation, when the person involved isn't there has to be wrong.

If the man involved was asked directly about a situation, he should have said "You should ask ------ about that.


I would be loathe to let this man know anything about me, just in case he spread it around. Would not trust him to be discrete.

Would he have opened his Mouth about the subject in front of the people concerned?Probably not.**M**.

Tess you are so right, it's exactly what OH said.

Further to what I was saying about village talk. The landlady of the local pub some years ago had come from somewhere in a town I believe and she appalled that a group of locals would stand at the bar drinking and, as soon as one left, the others would be talking about them and not always in a very charitable way.

We know we will be talked about and we are all part of the nattering, backbiting crew at the bar. Sometimes, I think, when a personal comment about somebody who is not there is made, it is a way of introducing the worry that you have about them to the group.

It makes all the group aware and able to look out in their own way for the problem but doesn't make anybody responsible.

Sharon I understand what you mean, I think your village sounds really a great place to live. Unfortunately the comments made on Friday were just nasty and totally uncalled for. I have had two phone calls today from friends who were more annoyed at my friends husband comments, and what the effects will be on the people concerned.

Paula, will the people concerned definitely find out what was said? From what you say it appears you and your friends all wish it hadn't been said - is there any chance it can be kept from them, (though the elephant in the room every time you meet will be enormous)

But now you are all aware of the problem, whatever it may be, and will be ready if you should be consulted about it at any time.

Once something has been said, it can't be unsaid. Some really good friends, but you can't vouch for everyone. The two I spoke to today are not going to repeat anything nor will I. Just wait and see what hits the fan.

If you can't say anything good about folks ...Say nowt!

That might work in Yorkshire but it doesn't round here.

We had a truly filthy woman lived in the village, really vile, and, of course, we all used to talk about her behind her back, just as we do everybody else.

Then a woman who had moved into the next village said something derogatory, very true but derogatory all the same, about her.

I was surprised at how affronted I was. That was one of ours she was maligning! How dare she!?