General Chat

Just how do you get someone assessed. My oh after 54 years of marriage is trying to force me out of my home. He says it is his house and technically it is as his mum gave each of the four children a house, we had been married about ten years then. He won't allow me to garden the walled garden( I loved gardening) he is systematically squeezing me out of the house by taking down the shelves that housed my beloved ornements( these are all boxed up) and banning me from touching or moving to clean any of his things. He has amassed things all around his chair in the room, I mustn't move them to vac. He screams and shouts at me and I must not answer him back. It is making me ill. Has anyone any advice. Elaine. :-S

Talk to your GP.
Try to get some advice/support from Age UK or a similar organisation. They will be able to advise you about getting your OH assessed.

Thank you,I will try anything to get to the bottom of the problem.I have written a letter to his GP but he cannot reply due to patient confidetiallity. I just don't know where to turn.

I went with hubby to the docs and voiced my concerns on his general health. he has had several falls and his memory is getting increasingly bad . The doc listened and referred him to hospital and he has had several on gong tests. The surgery seem quite happy to talk to me about his health problems.

Could you get an appointment with your doctor and see what he says. He may be able to put something in motion like getting someone to call Or maybe he would make a house call and assess whats going on

I changed Dr's because our GP was more interested in oh than my health. I was told to do as my husband asked and not to argue with him. A year ago I changed so that the new GP would see to my health problems, my husband is with the previous GP.He would not let me go with him anyway.

Elaine, that is so difficult. I first noticed my OH had a problem when he got lost 5 weekends in a row on a route he had been driving for many years, so I insisted he go to the doc to get checked out. I went with him. He was given blood tests in case it was just a chemical imbalance, and sent for a brain scan which showed cerebral atrophy - the brain cells shrinking.

It sounds as if it is too late for you to help your OH. He has reached a stage where he will resist anything you suggest. I do hope you can find somebody who can help to get him assessed.

Huia.

I should have added that I suggested my OH should give up driving. I did it very tactfully by saying that while his driving might be fine, in an emergency his brain might not react fast enough to avoid trouble. He saw the sense in that and didnt drive any more, except to back the car out of the garage if he wanted more room in his workshop.

Please, everybody, be alert to aging partners, and try to notice anything that might be an indicator of something not well. Persuade them to go to the doc, and go with them so you know what is happening. If the partner does not want you to go, point out that it is a part of your health and well-being as well as his.

Best of luck to everybody.

Huia.

Elaine Thats a shame. Seems your OH doc isnt interested in how your OH 's actions affect you. Would your own doctor give you some advice. I know he cant interfere with another doctors patient but he may be able to help you.

I would also contact age concern to see if they can give any advice,

Technically your hubby may own the home but as his wife you do have some legal rights especially as its been your home too for many years

I am a full time worker but carer at the weekends and Carers Uk is a bit of a lifeline... more peope on there to share stories and all as lovely as the support that you are getting here. One day at a time works for me and a bit of escapism with crime thrillers!

Elaine, I am sorry things have taken such a turn, I think you need to see a Solicitor and make sure your o.h. can't sell the house from under you as you must have a right to a home somehow and his behaviour is not right altho you know that anyway. Talk to your new doctor and see if he can contact your o.h.'s doctor to pass on the information that he is behaving in this way. There doesn't have to be any breach of confidentiality by his doctor just listening. The letter you sent should make the doctor look into his health more if he has an appointment soon.
Try and safeguard your things so he can't destroy them, you could also talk to your local council about getting rehoused as you could say you fear for your safety at the house, it does sound as if your o.h. might get angry and maybe violent if crossed.

I do feel fo you, I was worried yesterday as o.h. had forgotten several things we had spoken about the evening before and his behavious was more extreme than usual, he even started telling me something about his visit to his father yesterday morning and he had only told me an hour previously. However I know he is very tired from working a lot of overtime, mostly his choice altho some demanded by his company and now his father who is ill has asked him to go round and do some gardening, digging and such one morning before he goes in to do a late shift. His father doesn't seem to realised he works six days a week regularly and isn't well himself, but I am not allowed to say anything, there are no grandsons nearby to help out, and only one slightly helpful son in law who is on holiday abroad at the mo so no one to help out.

You take care Elaine, and just look after your own interests, let o.h. get on with his nastiness and just try and keep things calm while you sort out your situation.

love
Lizxx

Sorry Uzzi, sort of took over your thread there.

I think you are doing the best thing, bringing over as much of your Mum's stuff if you can so she has the final say on things, but you know you can't do right anyway so if you do leave stuff behind to get rid of maybe take pictures of it so you can remind her where it is etc and she can't argue with the evidence in front of her.

When I helped an old lady move into sheltered accommodation I made sure I wrote down everything I helped sell for her and the prices, anything I bought I wrote down and paid by cheque so her nephew who appeared on the scene after all the hard work was done, and sold the house at a loss to his friend, couldn't say I had stolen or cheated her out of anything.

I do hope things go well and you can gradually get things sorted out, life won't be the same for a while but just take a day or week at a time and try not to feel bad about what you do, you are doing your best and can do no more.

Good luck

Love
Lizxx