General Chat

I think the daughter sounds a greedy madam and if she is using her mother's card, then shame on her. As much as you are old friends, it is not for you to have to worry so much about your neighbour, she has to sort herself out and to put pressure on you is very unfair.

I think you have to develop a thick skin where all this is concerned, you have enough to deal with and have had before, so put yourself and your own family first and don't feel guilty doing it.

It is a good idea to contact the hospital social services as they may be able to sort things out for your friend and make sure she is getting the money and help she needs.

Good luck and enjoy any breaks you get

Lizx

Print off this thread and give it to the daughter!!!!

No don't, but heavens I would be very tempted.

take the cot back and give her nothink
as it is only the daugher of your friend i carnt see why she would have the cheek to ask for a £80 gift
a small gift of £15 is more than enuth

and i no your friend is very ill and you are doing all you can to help but i think it is now time for her fmily to take over weather thay are bizzy people or not
and has you say you have your own family to see to

I would contact the hospital social services department and voice your fears about the daughter have the bank card. Certainly in Wales my husband was taken back and forth by hospital voluntary transport who were wonderful.

As for the travel cot - words fail me!

Best of lucy with moving forward

If you have been close friends for all of these years cannot you say to her you receive mobility allowances etc and that these are for such trips as taxis and why is she not using it? She may then tell you if her daughter is using it - though where you go from there I do not know. You will know best.

However, you have done more than your share - your family and problems must come first.

family has too come first always
dont know how they dare they have some cheek
take care

Can't she arrange hospital transport?
If you can sit in a car it's not usually an ambulance they send,I know,as when I have to go to the eye hospital and can't drive because of eyes being dilated,and my OH housebound,instead of asking neighbours to go out of their way,I arrange transport and apart from a bit of a wait after treatment it is very good.
YOU live your life and let her daughter sort it.
Enjoy your break and DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!!

Brenda x

Oh no, now I am worrying about the woman!

What is the daughter up to?

Thanks everyone for all your comments, I am as many of you suggested going to return the cot and just get a gift voucher and let them get the cot they want , as for taking Pauline back and forth to the hospital I am in the nicest posible way I can explain to her that I will be there for her WHEN I CAN BE and take her to the hospital when I can without her making me feel guilty when I cant as she did yesterday after I told her I was going to the caravan yesterday for the weekend and she said that she had expected me to take her today and even asked if I could come home from the van and take her as she had to take taxis back and forth and it had been very expensive, she does get both DLA mobility and care allowance but things that Pauline has said makes me think her daughter has her bank card and is using the money for herself and that is why Pauline is finding it hard to fund taxis etc.

Thank you everyone for showing what surportive caring people you are

Pam XX

Bl@@dy Hell...............................

Take the cot back to the shop and get gift token and send them to her.
I do agree with takeing the petrol money out of that money for taking her mum to and from the doctors ..But I guess you wish to stay friends of a sort!! BUT please dont keep going out your way to help she has 3 children whom could help some and if thats totally impossible she will have to have an NHS taxi

NOW look after you and do what you can for this lady but DONT put your family at risk in anyway for someone else!

I'm another who agrees with all that has been said....
Please do NOT lose any sleep over a few white lies you have had to give to keep peace and sanity.

I did like the advise about the travel cot to give her the receipt and tell her to change it herself AT HER cost mind ...then I also like the idea of getting a refund and sending the odd bib or 3, whatever you decide to do on that score please don't feel pushed into paying the £80 that has been demanded.

Look after your family 1st.
(((hugs)))

Dear Pam, I can only add my agreement with what has been written so well above. I have been in a similar situation, being used because I kept helping. It caused us to end a friendship, but in retrospect it needn't have ended that way, had I had the gumption to speak my mind!! I was focused on the hurt, instead of being part of the solution, I was exacerbating the problem. It can be very difficult to say 'no' but there are many ways to say it!!
Giving, caring people have the habit of giving to their limits, because it's the right thing to do, or because they feel it's their mission to help. One runs the risk of being taken advantage of, but it is hard to change one's nature. Now please, look after YOU for a change, you have more than enough on your plate. Love your Dad while you have him, he and your hubby must be your priority. You are a saint.
Hugs
Mary <3

Agree with all Merlin says and everyone else. The carrycot was not accepted graciously so hard cheese - buy your own.

Personally I would inform them ( Including your Friend???? ) that its the end of the road for you giving your services,they will have to make alternate arrangements as you have far to much to do for your own family,they are your priority.regarding the Carry Cot,Take it back ,get a refund and keep it, they seem to think you are a one person Social Services Department,time they learnt you are not.End it now. Take Care. **M**

I can't add any more that hasn't already been said Pam, other than you are clearly taken for granted by all the family. I think you really need to step back and let them realise just how much you actually do for them all, and they only way they will realise that is for you to stop doing it.

They may fall out with you initially, but they will soon come round again when they have to do it all themselves.

As for the cot...like others have said, give them the amount you are prepared to pay, and let them make the rest up.

Look after yourself and your own, like they should be doing.

one of my ex foster kids used to try and tell me what to buy her 4 kids
so i just used to buy them what i wanted them to have
she soon got the message
i think you do far to much for your neighbor anyway
time to have some me time me thinks
some people the more you do the more they exspect
would they be running around after you
if the boot was on the other foot i doubt it

i cant really add to what advice has been given,

i know shes your friend but shes asking to much of you, her family need to help more and if shes that bad she should have a career,


start looking after number 1, and if you feel like helping help but dnt feel beat up if you dnt want to help her,

as for the daughter n the £80 cot, tell her to buy it herself, how rude of her!

sending my love

I m just left appalled by this,

Pam, read this bit back that you have written

"but I have a 89 year old father who's in a wheelchair and I look after him a 69 year old husband who has just been diagnosed with parkinsons as well as having memory problems folowing strokes, I have COPD and I have a small business working from home so my life is busy anyway"

Now what would you say to one of us on here in that position?

Look after yourself and family first, give your friend your friendship but NOT your services as a taxi driver,nurse, child support etc etc.

Personally I wouldn't tell the white lies, I would say "this is MY situation, I can't do these things for you, physically or financially, but I will help you find the people who can'"
( transport to hosp' can usually be organised either through the hosp', or British red cross, other voluntary groups...or a taxi!)

As to the cot business !!! I would do exactly what Spanish Eyes suggested!

Good luck, xx

Take the cot back and buy some petrol with the refund. Don't even mention the cot again. Then, when the daughter has the audacity to ask you about it you can tell her or you can tell your neighbour when she asks.

At least that way the daughter will have paid in a roundabout way for some of your petrol.

I think everything has been said - I agree with al lo these comments. What a cheeky daughter your friend has. When you have your refund, buy a set of bibs for the baby and keep the rest of the money for yourself. She should get the picture then.

Earlier this year I offered to accompany my m-i-l's 80 year old neighbour to some hospital appointments. She is not English and was in pain and a little scared, I think. The hospital was in London - where she lives - and each time it cost me up to £60 in train fares and three hours travelling. I was happy to help her but, with treatment succeeding, I thought of her own 4 daughters and wondered what on earth they were doing all this time.

I actually don't think my friend told her daughters about the appointments because the girls, who are all bright and very polite, haven't said a word.