General Chat

Hi Ron,

Mavis would be proud of the way you are coping and even more proud of the grandsons who paid such touching tribute to her as they did. I bet Mavis had a hand in helping your grandson decide on his wedding date!

I am sure she enjoys hearing from you as you find comfort in talking to her and those smiles you see are for you and you alone.

Keep up the good work, be positive, be friendly to those you meet outside, you never know if someone else is hurting inside too and a smile or hello can help someone's day go better for your effort and make you feel good too.

When the time comes, I am sure Mavis will have the kettle on ready and while it's boiling, she will come to help you move on, but the time's not yet, you have a family who love and need you still.

Stay well and enjoy life as much as you can

Lizx

I have read this for the first time Ron and I'm happy to learn that you're now at peace with yourself,and the picture you describe of your grandsons' weddings has made me smile.

The many years you spent with your Mavis will have given you beautiful memories to cherish,a blessing not everyone can receive.

Can I send my best wishes and love to you and your family
Mau (X)

Thank you for the update Ron, so pleased that you are coping well and adjusting to your "new" life without your very special person beside you.

Take good care

Annx

Ron,
I am so pleased that you have reached a level of acceptance. I am sure that your Mavis would be so proud of how you have coped. Keep watching those photos, one day you may see a wink of approval as well as the smile. Bless you and thank you for the update. stay in touch.

Dear Ron
I have just read this for the first time, and from your first entry.
I have not lost a spouse from death but I did loose my first husband through divorce..

Mavis will be with you for ever, for true Love does not end when someone leaves you but continues forever, through your children, grandchildren etc.

I feel that Mavis will be ebbing you on all the time, guiding you to do what she knows is good for you, and when the right time comes you will be with her again.

You have wonderful children and grandchildren and I expect that you see Mavis in them every day. enjoy every moment of every day.


Your openess, your way of writing is also an inspiration to others, and I hope perhaps others,but particularly men will feel able to do the same. So often the bereaved, and especially men feel that they should manage the grief alone.

Bridget in Spain

07.18 hrs

Cant believe nearly EIGHTEEN months has gone by since My Mavis took her leave and has now gone on to become a loving memory in the hearts of all those she gave her heart and love to so freely.

With the passing of time, I've begun to understand that inside the protective blanket of my immediate (and "outlaw") family I am just one of number who miss her so much in our own special way. My family, bless them, have been brilliant by just doing things as they did when their mother and grandmother was alive.

I talk to others as though she was looking over my shoulder, I smile at her pictures, (and there's at least two in every room in the house) and I'm sure she smiles back when I "burn the toast" so to speak. I, wrong, WE find it a lot easier to talk about her and have got to the stage where what she did, said, or got involved in has brought smiles and some tears to all our faces; me most of all.

Miss her, of course I do and always will even though there are times I wake during the night and occasionally put my hand out to touch her. She was and always will be the most important thing that happened in my life, and we still talk. Yes I know, perhaps I do the talking and she does the listening nowadays, and that cant be a bad thing (uh hum, sorry love I didn't really mean that).

Anyway, to all of you who gave me your words of hope, your time and understanding, it's helped me along no end, so thanks a lot,...... NO........ thanks a million!!!!!!!

Here's just a couple of real tear jerker's I've had to "endure".
One grandson, without knowing it, decided to get married on 25th September, the date I first met my wife, how strange cos I never told him about that date. The second was when another grandson got married and tied an Everton scarf to a vacant chair and mentioned Mavis in his speech. Can't fault the boys, they were brilliant. (Everton were Mave's team)

I've just cast a glancing eye on her picture and smiled at her. She approves of what I do, when I do it now; if she didn't, I'm sure she'd tell me.

Once again, thanks and big hugs to all.

Ron

Well done Ron at facing things and making that trip, I am sure it meant a great deal to your family too to see you shaking yourself up and visiting loved ones, I bet your Mavis was with you all the way and was making sure you got your sleep pattern back on track too.

Now make the most of the brighter longer days coming and get out a bit when you can, maybe find a club you can join or a class or something, where you can make new friends who will understand how you feel but will enrich your life in a new and different way.

All power to you and if you should feel down, and of course you will have difficult days, do come and talk to us again, in fact, come and let us know how you are getting on anyway. Who knows, you might be just the person around at a time someone else needs an ear and a shoulder, cyber or not!

All the best
Lizx

hi ronald
i know just how you feel after i lost my mam and best friend.
i was given some advise at the time which has really helped me now end,so i thought i'd pass it on.
i was told to buy a miniature rose of the colour she would like,and when i feel down go and talk to it.i know this sounds daft but it has helped me no end.i even give it a right odd row now when it has weeds,and think of my mam laughing at me as we used to have rows like it.you can tell it thinks that only you and you wife could talk about.
i hope you get back on your feet soon but remember she's always with you . best wishes lynne

Bless you Ron.

The "firsts" are always the worst to get over. Birthdays, Christmas, Anniversaries etc.

Your children, grandchildren and gr grandchildren are all "Mavis". She lives on in all of them and will always be with you. I bet you can see some of her in all of them.

My first husband was taken from me after only 12 years of marriage but I can see so much of him in my two sons, now both of them in their late twenties.

I am so proud of all three of them as you must be in your Mavis and your children.

You and your Mavis will live on and your love will endure.

Love and hugs. xx

Hello Ron,

As your thread has just resurfaced, I have read your original post for the first time......how lovely to see you have started to enjoy your life once again and spending time with your much loved family.

My dad lost my mum several years ago, they were away on a cruise celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary......she never came back to her home after being flown to the UK. My dad was devastated as well as being in shock.......to watch him go down hill over the next year was crushing for myself and two brothers, like you he slept most of the day and could not muster much energy for anything, until we sat him down and told him how WE were feeling at the sudden loss of our lovely mum and how much WE were hurting seeing his decline. I think it was a bot of a jolt for him, he then dusted off his camper van and drove to Portugal to meet with their friends as they usually did. I was so proud of him! He is 81 this year and has a new lady in his life who shares his joy for travel, and although I know she will never replace my mum in his heart.......he has now a good & full life.

So there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just seems a little dark sometimes. Please take care of yourself & enjoy your lovely family!

Annx

Hi all you folks out there, I'm back!!!!

Its just a few days over a year, 23 February 2010, since 'MY MAVIS' physically left my side but you can be sure that her presence still lingers on whether I'm at home or elsewhere.

I've just re-read your heartwarming words that came after my 'cry for help' appeared that started this thread. All of your comments were, and still are appreciated so how I feel right now and how I have coped since last Dec really has been down to my 4 kids AND YOU ALL.

Believe it or not, I flew to Belfast and spent a few days with my grandchildren and great grandchildren. It was brilliant and so relieving to know how much they wanted to see me if only for a few days. My youngest daughter, of course, accompanied me; not wanting me to get lost. I had been sleeping badly at nights and falling asleep during the daytime ....and then after one night away from my own bed, my body clock seemed to have been reset. Like I said, it did me good and, love them, I appreciated being taken care of for a change.

I still (and wont ever stop) talk to her and laugh when I 'mess up' and still say sorry and pay my dues when I sometimes cuss, its more like the good old days than I care to think. There's nothing to stop me from talking to her, even when my kids are around, cos they laugh with me at my 'mess-ups', bless em!

No, I'm not 'over it' but I understand 'it' better and am now coping better than I was. Still get the odd twinge now and again and I know that there maybe a couple more 'hard days' to come in my life.

As for you folks out there, here comes a big THANKYOU for helping me through a really bad time. The only thing I can get my head round is 'How is it possible for total strangers to help me see things clearer and feel good about life after my loss?" You really are a wonderful understanding bunch. If I could send flowers to you all, I definitely would, simply to express how I feel.

I really shouldn't say this, but what the heck. My hugs, love and friendship go out to you all. Bless you, each and everyone of you and I mean that most sincerely.

Your friend
Ron

glad its been a help ron, there are some wonderful people on here , there is nothing worse than keeping ur worries bottled up, really feel for people who fin it hard to express there worries anywhere xx

Well done Ronald for opening up to us and glad it helped a bit. I am usually around late at night altho a bit rough with a bad cold at the mo so not here as much, but normally I am on the computer through the night so if you can't sleep and want company, give me a shout via a pm.

I always picture my Mum ready with the cakes and sausage rolls (her trademarks when she welcomed anyone and everyone to our home) and with the tea brewing, when anyone we know passes on.

Lizxx

Just saying
A BIG, BIG THANKYOU
for all your understanding and support doesn't seem to be enough to me.
However................
I now realise that by opening my thoughts to you really has helped and even though I've always had loving support from my family I now no longer feel alone. I now also understand even more why I should continue talking to 'My Mavis'. Today I told her that when my time comes she'd better have the kettle on, and I know she will.

When or if the time comes and I need to talk again, I know that I wont be alone. MANY, MANY THANKS - AND BIG HUGS!!!

Ron xx

No we don't need a response. We just need you to know that you can (if you want or need to) come on here and talk to us at any time.

Hi Ron, in the word's of my late "Precious Pa" You just do wotcha gotta do, in your own sweet time! My heart goes out to you and even though you wont believe me now, i promise you from the bottom of my heart, that time, makes it easier to bare.. Susan xxx

Ron, again - we neither expect or want a response.

Yesterday I read your messages and today I reread them again.

Please dont think I'm ungrateful because I haven't responded today but I defintely will - I PROMISE.

Lotsa hugs

Ron

I can't find anything to add Ronald, it has all been said here. Liz especially has put it very well. This is just to let you know, as somebody who has been married to her soul-mate for 50 years, that I can't imagine (and don't want to) how it would be to lose him, the love of my life. I can see you are so very lonely and I hope the comradeship on here may help you a little. I am thinking about you.

I, too, married my soulmate in 1957, but we only had 34 years together before I lost him, so you have that advantage over me, of having your soulmate for those extra years.

The first year is the worst, because the reason (illness details, etc.) is still fresh and you think of what was happening 'this time last year'. After that, you gradually get on with your life and accept the way things are NOW until you can laugh at the funny things that happened while you were together.

The pain never goes away, but becomes bearable as time goes on while you wish they could still be here to see what is happening now with life revolving around the younger ones. Your loved one will always be on your mind, but moves to the back of the mind, making way for what is going on around you. Only time can make this happen.