General Chat

against my better nature (or is that worst nature) I have tried to convince Mum (81) to sell up on the IOW and move to Spain.

She announced tonight that she is moving *grins and worries*



to sheltered housing in Cornwall ..........WHAT !!!!

At a rent of 400 a month with no garden I think not amigo.
but her friend lives there and didn't get back to the hassle that mum did in April .....
don't care at the rent of 400 a month no way amigo.

I would rather her stay in her 2 bed bungalow with garden in Bembridge then waste money renting an apartment in a classy OAP home in Cornwall.
Maybe the sheltered housing has crib, bridge clubs and all that she likes ...but at that price she is ruddy well paying for friends !

Or working it another way if she sells her home -no mortgage for 250,000 she has about 5 years in rented. Makes her 86 what happens if she lives longer than 86, I can't afford the home heck I might need one myself by then lol. Seriously if she went for that option I couldn't afford to carry it on. So in her senilty years where would she be.
Now I love my Mum butttt we ain't been the best of friends in the past. How do I stop her making a mistake. When I am trying to get her to move to Spain with me.?

I am not sure that you can Uzzi, her bungalow, her move. That is assuming she is of sound mind. You could point out to her that after all her money has gone (don't forget it will make a small amount of interest invested), the local DSS wont keep her in the manner to which she has become accustomed but will put her in a much cheaper place.

Ann cheers I have sort of tried to tell her that (but forgot the DSS thanks)
I do joke with friends saying that her money is mine, but truthfully I don't care what she does with it, if she's happy. If I knew she was going to be gone in 5years then fine (if she can live without a garden) it's her call. It's my call to make her realise that she is wanted out here with me, for herself.

Does she spend a lot of her time in her garden? Maybe it is getting too much for her and she doesn't like to tell you. Would it work if she was living with or near you? Maybe she doesn't think so. Sometimes friends are closer to us than family, maybe she is very close to this friend.

After chat with Mum she is not going on cruise next year just taking a month freebie. So will come out to me (promised) for 2/3 months



shit shit shit shit ....have to find her a gooooood place to stay and maybe buy ........She wants hotel, I want her on the site to see what she could have Crib, bridge.quiz etc

Ann she spends more money on her garden by having a chap come in then she spends sitting out in it. Trust me a garden to Mum is a status of land and the abilty to be able to catch the sun on your own property. Mum has never done her own gardening. The same way as she doesn't and has never done her own cleaning. Even I (who never irons) knows how to plug an iron in AND how to iron a shirt.


But she's me mother and if I really thought she had enough to do the sheltered stuff I would let her. As is she hasn't so all my optipons are telling her to come to me and put in my name ....

By the way I am the only main benifitiary (sp) of her will.


edit to say .I add that because others may dispute

I think that Parents will just do exactly what they want to and blow the consequences(is that the right spelling?)

Mine are both dead but had the chance some years ago to buy their council house at a very good price.
Mother hated any one who was" above their station" ie got a mortgage or had any thing she hadnt.
She refused to buy the house saying she could not afford it.
OH, my Sister and I said we would help, and buy it for them and this would then leave us with a property we could sell when they died
.
My Sister is a single Mum and the kids Dad contributed nothing to their keep and we were pretty hard up at the time but between us we could of scaped up monthly payments which were much cheaper than the rent the Parents paid.

Mother was having none of it!!!! and point blank refused any suggestion of it.

I would have jumped at the chance to help my childrens long term future.

I think Parents as they get older become like sulky children and want to do just what they want and blow everyone else.
My parents had us late in life and were 84 and 89 when they died.It was Mother rather than Dad who was they problem. When she was dying she made my poor Dad promise that he would never move from the 3 bed council house to a bungalow so that rif raff didnt have "her" house.
Poor man would have been so much better off in a bungalow and a family with children could have had the house.

I think it sounds like your Mum has made up her mind and do you really want her in Spain if you have had probs in the past? sounds harsh but I was obliged to keep my Mother happy-ish and toe the line and I left home at 18 and was 40 when she died.

Your Mum is an Adult and if she wants to mess up her life it will be her doing. It sounds like you have tried hard and she still cant see sense.
Hopefully if she does run out of money she wont be turned out on the streets.

Hope all turns out ok, I wont say dont worry because you will.
My Mum caused more agro over the years than my Children ever did(Including the teenage years) lol

Take care

Teresa x

Wow Teresa, it's no secret that me and my mum fight. and do I really want her in Spain ...my 1st answer is NO but when I couldn't find her earlier it proved how much I cared and set the move to Spain up. So yes I want her here. Some may ask do I just want her money and the answer to that is yes (hence the reasopn I have tried to tell sis and nephews how ill she is)

Ofcourse I want her money, I have bloody well worked hard for it, but I would rather she she used it first.

I can't afford to keep her, and not the way she is used to, but I would not see her in a home either.
hence I want her to buy out here where I can look after her

Uzzi I can't ask my friend at the moment as her mum has just died so it wouldn't be terribly tactful...but when her mum sold her bungalow the money was put into some kind of insured fund that would pay out her care home fees if she lived longer than x number of years...it might be worth looking into if your mum decides she really doesn't want to be in Spain?

lol.

You are very good.
We all do things to keep everyone happy, I do miss my Parents (Dad far more than Mum he only died in Feb)

I could kick them for not buying the council house though!!!
Ive told the in laws they can use their house for care home fees if they need to go into one but they are too busy sailing the 7 seas with PandO to worry at the moment.
Hopefully they wont need care homes. I woulnt want to see that happening either.

Teresa:)

Hi Uzzi,
What would be your take on it if mum wanted you to sell up and move back to UK so you could be near her.

Kay I only rent out here but OH has full time work and has had in the same job for 5 years. So what you are asking is would I move to the IOW .....yes if the work and need was there. Welln she's me muver what choice do I have ?

My mum had a similar problem.
She lives in Portugal and 15 years ago wanted her mum to move from the New forest out with her - gran was in her 80's and getting frail.
Mum came over and spoke to gran who seemed to agree.
First thing was a passport. My sister & had the photos taken by a photographer, who sent them to gran. We got the forms etc filled out and found suitable people to sign them.
Went back to gran for the photo's - she said they hadn't arrived. contacted the photographer - he'd sent them Transpires gran hid the photos - she didn't want to go to Portugal!
Gran ended up in a home, which she hated, and died aged 99.

Our mum is now 80 - she was meant to come back to UK when she was 70 - but her husband hadn't got a habitaion on the house they'd had bult!
Eight years now the solicitor has been ripping them off!
We realise mum wants to come back - but her OH doesn't!
Problem is, they're both on medication, live in the middle of nowhere - and he hasn't been able to drive for the past 3 years (mum never drove) .
They now hate the heat, feel unsafe in their house - but still he can't see why they should come back to the UK.
They could ignore the habitation and sell the land - they'd still have enough to buy a house over here - or even rent for the next 20 years - but they won't.
One of the stumbling blocks is their ancient crippled (guard!??) dog - the same dog who hid under the bed when they were burgled in the middle of the night!
Hopefuly, when he pops his clogs they may look at things a bit more rationally!!!

Maggie what a horrendous story and unfortuanatey a common one.
Mum actually owns a place in Spain down near Malaga if she could prove it was hers... What I want Mum to do is buy where I am and in my name (ouch) so it's hers for life. I know asking to put in my name is iffy but I haven't told her that yet.


Kay I have had a real good thought about US going back to the UK rather than her come her.
I have prevously offered to move to the IOW (with a management job with Warner Camps) but she didn't want me there .( Unless Mum buys us a pub, which we have refused ) I fail to see how moving back would help all of us.

My OH is his own keeper and he has a good job, mmm in todays climate

Mean as it seems,your muvva dont want to live in Spain,if she'd be happier in Cornwall? which isnt so far from IOW,then at least she wouldnt have far to go back if she didnt like Cornwall,but if she has friends there she wont be alone.

oh dont come here and buy a pub,you'd find it hard for a living and would need a part time job aswell,,,,,,}}

If she is of sound mind, let her do it - doesn't sound as though you can stop her even if you wanted to.

Its a big move , to up sticks & move to Spain.

BTW £400 isn't outragious for warden accomodation.