General Chat

Maggie,It sounds to me as if your children have been very lucky to have a mum who managed divorce so fairly.
My twin sons have mild dyslexia and when I discovered this I sent them for extra tuition in a subject they alread excelled at,maths. Of course we allso practiced spelling and regonising how to break down words and hen simply got on with life. One of the twins then one a place at Sandhurst and is now an army officer and the other went into retail and has a very good job. About 6 weeks ago he called me and said" Mum I have just had a test and did you know that I have Dyslexia, I always thought I had but you never said anything so..did you know"? I told him what I have just written and he laughed saying"trust you mum,concentrate on the positive, that is why we love you so much"

IBest wishes
bridget

Bridget, we were friends first (for a short time anyway!).
No way could I live with him now - he likes clubbing (he's a very youthful 60) I like 'chilling out' at home.
I actually lost money when (despite having a court order) the CSA 'took over'.
He had a nervous breakdown and disappeared to W Australia.
He wrote to our children, giving a PO address. CSA demanded to know where he was - I wouldn't give them his PO address.
They then said 'Just say he was abusive and you are frightened of him - then you won't lose any benefit'.
I pointed out that, if I said that, it would imply I was a stupid woman for letting my children go to his house every other weekend, and would also imply I didn't know who I married!
I lost 6 weeks benefit every year for refusing to lie!!!
However, had I lied to appease the CSA - he may never have got the job he now has - teaching special needs 'children' - 16 + agricutural engineering/groundsmanship - as 'abusive husband' would be on his records!!
Have to admit he's dedicated to his work - he's dyslexic - but, like one of our daughters, who's also dyslexic, has developed strategies (with a bit of help from me - ie splitting a word up - to get her = together and memorising sentences with 'ough' in - she had a rough cough though she thought she ought to have bought a trough ) so very few people can tell - and he has an affinity with those he teaches.
Oh - and my dyslexic daughter can spell better than her non-dyslexic husband!! LOL

Thank you for all your comments.
Linda, my mothers divorce papers are also on black paper and with whit writing...it was this that caused my tears, and I really thought that if papers were still like this it would make the whole process that much more significant. i have met young womaen who have been divorced 3 or 4 times and it does not seem to have any emotional effect at all.
My mum was also married three times and yes she did enjoy mens compan. her second marriage lasted jut=st over 50 years and she married again just under a year later , she died about 6 years latter and then her husband died 10 months after her.
Maggie I think you and your ex must be very special people and admire how you have both managed a delicate situation

Bridget

I too found the divorce papers for my grandmother.

It was on black paper with white writing and quite hard to read:

Divorce from John * * 13 July 1951. Reason deserted the petitionerbwithout cause for a period of at least 3 years immediately preceeding the presentation of the petition. Dated 3rd Sept 1951. Final and Absolute.

There was also this:

Copy of Order(child maintenance?) on 23rd Feb 1948 Joan * * of 59 Hammond Road Southall against John * * of * * * Southall that he has neglected to provide reasonable maintenance for the said infant(S born 21 April 1942). The sum of One Pound weekly whilst under the age of sixteen years. Copy dated 10 June 1953.

Grandfather eventually left for America and S followed him a few years later.

Grandmother must have enjoyed men's company though as she married 3 times more. Unfortunately cancer deprived her of them all. She died aged nearly 80.

So divorce never put her off eh?

Linda :o)

Reminds me of a friend who found out her mother had been married before. Her mother fell in love with her father, and had to leave 3 children with her ex to marry him. My friend found this out when her mum was ill.
She found her half siblings over 10 years ago, when she was in her 40's.
They see each other regularly now.

A sad sign of the times, Bridget.
I too am divorced - but loved my ex - he left me for another woman - but I thought it very important our daughters should know their father, and he saw them on alternate weekends.
It's been over 20 years since we divorced (his infidelity - stated on the decree - but I gave him 9 months before I'd had enough), but we are still friends. I've met nearly every woman he's had an affair with since we broke up - and our children (now adults) who love him really, jokingly refer to him as 'the tart'. He's basically a romantic - and romance fades.
We now have 3 grandchildren, and we both see them regularly.
I'm visiting our youngest in Brighton on my birthday in a week or so - and eldest has let slip that my ex will be there too. I've bagged the spare bed - it is MY birthday. He (and whoever) can have the sofa!!!
He's a lovely man - like a brother now - but what a shame if I'd just 'slagged' him off and seen him as an income.

In the early 1950s my first job was working for a firm of solicitors which did a lot of divorce work - and in those days you had to prove fault of adultery, cruelty etc. - there was no allowance for breakdown of relationships - and it meant I spent ages typing out statements about these miserable lives, it did get me down and after a couple of years I moved on. It may be because of the ability nowadays to explain breakdown of relationships divorce may seem to be a quick option - but the confrontational nature of proceedings in those days must have made reconciliations even harder to imagine.

I am adding an event that happened at work today which clearl demonstarted some peoples views re divorce and how times have changed. One of my staff is about 3 months pregnant and during a general chat today she said in reply to aquestion a colleague " well if he (the father) plays up I shall just divorce him and say he had hurt me then I will not have to work as he will have to pay for us and so will Social Sevices"!
Is anyone else as shocked and saddened as I am. Then I remembered what I had found when my mother died so I decided to add my experience today. any other views would be interesting to read.

Bridget

Susan
Thank you for the reply, and yes it is and was so very sad and in my view my mother should have been given an apology. It does say in the letter that for 10 shillings she could apply for a review to see if the hearing could be reheld but by then my sister had been living with her father and step mother and Mum simply felt it would cause her even more distress. And of course in 1948 + , money was very scarce.
I wonder sometimes if divorce is almost detached these days and we would all think harder if we had the same system. Sadly i have also been divorced bu that is another story and I am happily married for the last 18 years.

Bridget

That is so sad Bridget. It has brought a tear to my eye.

As I was sitting at the comp this afternoon browsing through threads I found one about purchasing original divorce records and a tear or two fell down my cheeks.
My younger sister and I knew Mum had been divorced ,in fact I have written a ittle about this on another thread. She never really discussed it and said she had put it behind her.
When Mum died my sister and I were going through her belongings when we found a long official looking envelope and decide to open it.
We cried for the next hour.
Mum was only 16 when her parents married her to a serving soldier, grandfather was an army officer and when she was 17 had her first child.. After that she had a son and sadly he died when only 4 hours old. Her husband was in the army and could only get home for the burial and then went straight back to barracks. The marrige floundered and in 1946 she left him and went to London, she met someone just as she discovered she was pregnant and the new person said he would be named as the father. Naturally her first husband then applied for divorce and this took place in 1948. So what shocked us and made us cry?? The DOCUMENT DID. It was on black fine paper backed with white paper,the writing is alos in white. The language is straight to the point and is nothing like the documents we have today.
Within the same envelope we found another letter some 18 months latter apologising for the court forgetting to inform my mother of the date of the hearing for which parent should have custody of her daughter. This sister had always been told that her mother did not want her and that was why she lived with her father. Can you imagine what would happen tody in such circumstances. My sister was able to confront her father with this info and he simply cried and said sorry...
The outcome has affected many people and it could have all been so different....it lead to a discovery for me as well but that is another time and place

Bridget