General Chat

I have begun to watch Itsmytelly closely when he gets out the measuring tape because this ritual absolutely fascinates me. Its starts with the patting of the jeans back pocket’s (baggy jeans that look like they have been worn for 16 years every day and never been washed) then he takes 3 steps forward and back tracks, another pat of pockets and holds his fore head with left hand he slightly closes both eyes and begins to chant this is only to be translated by another bloke, another 5 steps forward and again retreats and then rushes out to the garden shed, he has now returned with his prized measuring tape. He pulls out the tape and begins to snort and glare at me, this is because I done the most deadly sin possible and caused the tape to have a slight kink where I have tried to measure my waist and hips with it the week before. 15 mins of muttering and kink removing. By this time I have noticed him staring in the hall mirror as he has found his very other important tool to accompany the measuring tape, his pencil, he is looking in the mirror to make sure the said pencil is safely secured behind his right ear. He is again on the move, and this is the part of the ritual that fascinates me, he takes measuring tape from back jeans pocket and with expertise he flicks it open and begins to measure, stood with legs and feet firmly apart knees slightly bent hips forward back leaning back and he measures, 20secs and with one flick of the wrist the tape is back in, he closes his eyes and begins to chant “ 33 mil 35 mil 34 and a half mill” his eyes flash open and he rolls them to the ceiling and he repeats the chant, its all too much for me and I totally forget myself and ask “ what you saying baby” , he then stares me out and tut tuts, and quick as you like he flicks his wrist again and the tape measure is back to work, again he chants “33 mill 35 mill 34 and a half mill 34 and 3 quarters mill” I am itching to shout any advances on 34 and 3 quarters but I know better I know my place. He rolls his eyes again and then slowly turns his stare to me, I stand frozen to the spot not daring to move, flick tape is back in and I can again breathe, he stands up straight smiles and quickly leaves the house, 2 mins later he rushes back in the grabs his prized measuring tape and stops and hisses as he is snatching it out of my hand, I mumble my defence “ I was only putting it way” and he is off again, all this to buy a ruddy curtain pole. And then he returns with the wrong one..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5qyJpAn2Wc

Hi Dempsey...

Watch this - you'll understand!

X

LOl Hayley could just picture it!

roflmao...Fantastic..Can't stop laughing.....

LOL Hayley,

I couldn't wait to get to the end ......just to see what he was measuring !!

I thought he was going to take his jeans off.....(as they played such a big part in this ordeal ) ..LOL ......and then measure his inside leg !!!!!!!!

Never dream't of a curtain pole !......

Poor man did he go back and change it with his Tape measure, just in case .LOL

Well Hayley,, what did you expect ? pestering the poor sod to put a curtain
track up knowing theres football on the tele,,,this is what happens when
us blokes are pestered into jobs whilst trying to watch the world cup, lol

Ray x

Having return this is now the 3rd trip for the correct pole of the correct size, he appears home with a “designer curtain track” to which I am ecstatic. I have now lost the will to live and am consoling myself on the telephone to my sister who lives just round the corner and as I am always being told we could bellow over the fence to one and another., no need to use the telephone, I am informing her of this ordeal. Out comes the measuring tape once again, this time he measures width first same stance as before, same routine however I am thrown in to confusion when he begins to measure length as and for this ritual I am expected to join in! First he flicks out the said tape and gently holds it the wall stretching as far as he his 5ft 8 will let him, flick the tape is away and the chanting begins, my sister by this time has ended the call and decided that this is far too good to miss and is now sitting with a ring size seat in our kitchen. My sister and I look at one and another, daring each other to ask what he is saying, the chanting stops Itsmytelly is looking like a man a possessed and in zombie movements begins his trip out to the shed, sister and I let out a hushed sigh of relief and with in no time he has returned. His steps have quicken and for some reason he is walking heavier and banging his heals as he walks, sign of a peacock me things as he has 2 females at his mercy, back to the measuring. Again he measure length ways, he shouted me to come and assist him and I was instructed to stand on my tippy toes and hold the tape at the top whist he measures the bottom, again the chanting began and stopped immediately, “ Hayley how long are your curtains” I turned round to answer him and accidentally let go off the tape , I realise my fatal mistake as soon as I hear the click of the tape putting itself away, “ sorry……I dunno I brought them ages ago” I reply meekly. Off he marches and return with curtain still wrapped up still in the carrier bag.( I silently pray I have removed the till receipt) , he removes the curtains from the carrier bag and begins to frown, he then begins to bark his orders and point BACK UP, I rush back to my position and in my haste I trip over my sisters big foot and let go of my end of the tape as the tape itself retreats cutting Itsmytelly’s finger on the way, there’s blood. By this time my sister is roaring with laughter and takes the tape, checks the length of the curtain stands on the chair measure the correct length marks wall with pencil and gently escorts me by the arm yo another room to calm down, after some drilling and banging I am order back in to the kitchen to inspect my lovely new curtains hanging in the correct place. WONDERFUL, now you just need to do the tie backs, Itsmytelly look of confusion and wonderment as he quietly asks “ did you want me to get them as well”…….

Lol Hayley

I have got one of them too......he is busy using his laser beam. It doesn't matter how much he measures though....everything still ends up crooked.

LOL Hayley...."A day in the Life of" :O)) XX

Please dont get me started when he gets the level thingy out...*shudders*

Oh Tony thanks for the link to Michael's man-drawer.....I've tears in my eyes with laughing so much lolol

Hayley......Its got to the stage now where its painful for all to read....... .Why he didn't put that pole somewhere else I'll never know ...PMSL


What a saint he is,I haven't got one like that ......

excuse me I am the saint...tsk tsk

Stop it Hayley, i've got stomach ache from laughing.........can you sell tickets for the next DIY job he attempts, i want a front row seat!!!!!!

Georgygirl,

POLES are very dangerous , so you would want a BACK seat .

Unless Hayley can give us all a POLE dance then we would all want a FRONT seats ..LOL

Minus the tape measure of course !!

actually he is very good with his hands I am very lucky.

Mmmmm ,never gave that a thought
Tell you wot Marilyn, shall we ask Hayley if her OH will put up some nice window blinds to go with the pole and curtains, plenty of notice required please so i can rush off and get me pampers on

its tenas not pampers tsk