General Chat

I have seen comments on several threads re thank yous, and felt I just had to post this.


Somehow we did something right!


My daughter is married and lives in a city on the opposite side of Canada.


She had a baby on March 9, her birthday was on March 24, we went over to visit April 8-19, and there was a Baby Shower on April 18 while we were there


In the last 2 months I have received

3 thank you notes for items sent before and just after the baby's birth

1 thank you note for her birthday present

1 thank you for the baby's real birth present

1 thank you for going to stay with them and helping them out

1 thank you for the gift at the Baby Shower


She has, I gather, now sent thank yous to all the people who sent even a card on the baby's arrival, let alone presents, and to everyone who attended the Baby Shower.




we did have one very simple rule when she was young, and we applied it to children to whom we sent presents

..................... presents sent twice, no thank yous, no more presents.

Pity to have lost the contact with godchildren, but ..................




sylvia

Your idea sounds very reasonable. Children should be brought up to say thank you. When my son died I found a Christmas card from my OH's aunt that he had treasured because she always kept in touch with him until her death, so children do remember.

That's good SylviaInCanada, and its a pity more of us can't stick to your prinicples. When # 2 refused to write his 'thank you for my present. I like it very much.' letter aged 8, I suggested to the sender that they may wish not to make the effort of sending him one the following year!

We've only recieved one letter, ever, from OH's nephews. And that was because mother in law got on the case! it wasn't even because they'd phoned. How were we to know if perhaps the gift had been lost in the post?? Only 2 more years before I can stop checking the bank account to see if the cheque has cleared. I've been sorely tempted to write in the card something along the lines of 'hope you can make use of the enclosed' and then not enclose anything. But OH won't let me.

Sorry - rant over!!!

Son's children aged 7 and 13 are very good, always a thank you, maybe by phone, letter or e mail. Daughters sons, two are quite good the oldest now 21 is not now so good, he was ok when younger. Niece was sometimes good, sometimes didn't bother, her girls now aged 8, 20 and 21 the youngest did send a thank you, the oldest sometimes does, the middle one is not as good, loses the address etc etc.

DET

we felt very strongly about getting a thank you ....... but we were alos sending the gifts etc from overseas, and wanted to know whether they ahd arrived.

OH had a couple of godsons and had already established a habit of also giving the siblings presents at Christmas time. They were all good at writing thank yous for the first 2 or 3 years after we were married.

Then one marriage broke up, and their mother took the 3 children to live in California .................... not a note from them after that.

So, we kept to the 2 year rule.


The other marriage also broke up ...... but we got thank yous from the 2 kids.

Difference in mothers I think!


Nieces and nephews got presents until they were 21 .............. and I have to admit that there was one of them who didn't write BUT her mother let us know a present had arrived.



sylvia

Ann

I don't think there is much you can do when the children are adult .... except hope that what has been instilled in them as youngsters will hold as they move away from home.


I think my daughter has also received so much good feedback from our friends and relations for her thank you notes that it makes her feel good.


She did in fact have to educate her husband after they got married.


His family didn't move far from home, so it was quite rare to get presents by mail.

A vocal thank you was quite sufficient ...... even if that was given to someone else to pass on to the actual giver

She made him write a thank you note to us the first Christmas ...... we're on opposite sides of the country.


It has been interesting to watch how he has "matured" in wriitng such notes over the last 10 years.



sylvia

Nice to hear that your son in law writes his own thank you letters - so often it is left to the senior female family member!

Like you, we stop 'giving' to children (apart from our own) once they reach 21. After all, in most situations, they are earning and have a sizeable disposable income.

The nephews in question had a nuclear family which was comfortably off, with the latest gadgets, internet access etc. Personally, I'd have been quite happy to receive an email which had the first paragraph suitably doctored.