General Chat

opinions as to why people have affairs.

Oh dear.... where do we start!! As many reasons as affairs, I suppose!

I can't imagine anyone who is genuinely happy having an affair.... to be living with someone you don't love wouldn't make you feel happy, so anyone living happily as partners, must love each other... I think.... well, I know what I mean, lol

selfishness... an I want I get personality.

Unhappiness

sense of adventure/thrill (but they can't love their partners, to need to find that thrill outside the relationship)

And some are just philanderers, want their cake and the cherry on top, so to speak.... male and female.

Dunno, but I can't understand it, it almost always brings heartbreak and devastation... and even if things can be worked through, I imagine the sense of betrayal and lack of trust will last a very long time.

Love

Daff xxxxx

I think they like to have their cake...and eat it !

If a person doesnt feel happy in their relationship, & find they develop feelings for someone else, then they should end that marriage / partnership BEFORE they warm someone elses bed.

My best friend died ,because she could not accept her OH had gone of with his secretary.I don't know why he did,but the trauma that followed was horrendous.

Mildred - I once sent my ex a birthday card. It had a cartoon on the front of a wman - it said 'this is Edith'.
Under that was a cake -'this is cake'.
Inside it said - 'You can't have your cake and Edith too!'

He told me, a couple of weeks ago that he still has that card!!!

We split up because he was having an affair. He'd always been a flirt/philanderer/romantic, but for 13 years had remained faithful to me, but this woman as pretty persistant - she was a 'friend' told lies to him about me etc. said i'd said things when we went out -and her 'ace' card was always being 'poorly' - the only thing wrong with her was a lack of morals - expecting everyone to feel sorry for her - pretty nasty piece of work actually.
He married said woman, and in all the 10 years they were married, I met every one of the women he had affairs with - no I didn't feel sorry for his wife - I'd warned her a leopard never changes it's spots, and what goes around, comes around etc - and if he was capable of leaving me and our children for a two faced c*w like her -he's soon be sowing his wild oats again !!!

They married, he left - she's screwed all she can out of him, to the detriment of our children, and he hasn't seen her for years!

At the moment he's seeing two women - they both know about each other.
Our daughters (now 29 and 27) and I both prefer one of them over the other!

What if one partner loses interest in sex at an early age? The other partner still has needs, even though they love the one who cant or wont co-operate. It can be a very stressful time. I would say that as long as they dont break up someone elses marriage it can be forgiven.

I think it goes a lot deeper than cake and eat, and whereas i often don.t agree with you mildred your write, i would rather have someone say to me, i dont think i love you anymore can i cheat and see what happens than just do it anyway
He will never be happy sounds like maggie

i think if some of these woman and men knew the pain it caused would they do it your write daff some seem to do it all there lifes
jane im so sorry about your friend xxxxx (been there but would not die too stubborn) xx

I agree jean you can forgive xx

I suppose that would suit some people, Jean... I don't know, not really having been in that position, well not properly. But my hubby went away a lot... 3 months, 6 months, 10 months and even 15 months once..... it wouldn't have suited either of us for the other to have gone and found a bit of totty just for the sex, although I do understand that for others it might be different.

When I was ill recently, that was a side effect of all the chemo and stuff... I would have been devastated if hubby had played away. Even if it was a permanent side effect, I would still not be able to accept him with another woman. I would sling him out.

Our vows were in sickness and in health.

For others it might well be different... I can only say how it must be for me.

Love

Daff xxxx

MAGGie mine was with a ex door neighbour best freind sister you name it, so i knew why this had happened and its over and done with but i just wonder why , i know why with me and it don't make it ok i was still hurt and betrayed , yrs back i knew i didnt love ex anymore, i knew it was getting close that i was going to end up with another man so i ended my marriage im no martyr and even tho i didnt love ex it hurt like hell to think i had failed too.

Daff i think your absolutley write i think once the trust has been broken you never get it write, i valued my vows thats why when we gave our marriage that 2nd chance they had to be said again xx

Jean

"What if one partner loses interest in sex at an early age? The other partner still has needs"

Yeah the partner needs to stop being so selfish. If they really loved their partner, they wouldnt risk hurting them in any way.

There are more ways than sleeping with someone else to fulfill those needs which dont need to be outlined on here.

To be unfaithful in those circumstances is a poor excuse such as they old cherry -
"My wife / husband doesent understand me "

I certainly wouldnt forgive this, especially if I was used as an excuse for this betrayal.

Cake & eat it AND make it out to be your partners fault !

When a partner is unfaithful for whatever reason its hurtful, upsetting & destroys your confidence, and your trust can be bruised for a very long time after. Making it out to be your fault is despicable :o((.

mildred , i was blamed i stupidly excepted because i couldnt except i had gone from a out going person to a shell and hated me and the world because i got ill, the only reason we got back was because i blamed myself, your write , specky can't do much till he has his op i haven't gone and had an affair x

Not saying you are not right, but the person I am referring to was young and could look forward to being a nun for life if she hadnt done what she did. Her other half never knew and it helped them to stay together. I couldnt condemn them. no one knew but me.