General Chat

I have/had five children, as most of you know I lost Stephen and almost lost Morris, Derek is my youngest at 23, he lives at home with me and hubby. From the age of 15 to about 20 he went through 4 major procedures on his spine, tried to work but could not. Anyway, bless him, now working full time for the co-op and doing fine. He is on minimum wage and drives a car and struggles to make ends meet. He got a tax rebate and bought his dream car but realised he could not affford to run it, anyway, he sold it and bought a 1.1. For Easter I bought him an x box, and today for no specific reason I bought him a recordable free box, which he loves and I got at a bargain price, but he himself tells me I should not be spending my money on him, my answer is why not. I have £20 a week to do with what I want, and I save it and decided to spend it on him, he says I spoil him, I say I love him, my other kids have their own kids and I buy equaly for them, am I right or wrongxx??

Hi
I think your right its your money to spend on whoever or whatever you want
You are just being a good caring mum
lets face it our children no matter how old they get are still our babies
He sounds a good lad and is doing the best he can and doesnt take it for granted that you buy him things
and as you say you treat all your children the same so your not favouring one more than the others :)

Its your money and you do with it what you want ......give him a motherly slap and tell him to enjoy .....

Thank you so much, I just love to buy him (when I can afford it) things to make his life hapier, cannot do it for Stephen now, so try to help my other children as much as I can xx thank you xx

Gillian Jennifer - you can't take it with you....

Go with your heart and do what you feel is right for you.
When we lose a child suddenly I think we become even more aware that our tomorrows are not guaranteed.
You are a loving caring mum who wants to make her children happy and make every day count - let your son know how happy it makes you being able to give.
When my son used to say you shouldn't I used to tell him 'I'm your mother, humour me'.

Hello Gillian:o)

Its yours so do as you want to, l would if it was me, infact l do sometimes, either the grandchildren or my two.
l try not to arrive at the grandchildrens with something everytime l see them or they will expect it, but thats different to grown up children!! Perhaps you could ask him if there is anything he really needs. But good on yeh:o)))
As someone just said..."you can't take it with you"
jude xx

Gillian Jennifer

I don't think we have spoken before.

Why not, if it makes you happy buying him things,and he appreciates it.

If you do it for the others,why shouldn't you do it for him also?

Life is too short,enjoy the special moments..xx

Best wishes, Margot.

Hi Gill Jen,I don't think we have spoken before.

I too, have had 5 children,lost one at two wks old,and my older son at 24yrs old,so I know just how you feel.

If I have money and my brood need it,they get it,it has become a running joke that mum's carpet fund is there if needed. It is going to be years before I get my new living room carpet,but what the heck?

I get a real thrill out of being able to help out with morgage arrears,new furniture,and in one case,a deposit on a house.

We didn't have a pot to p"£s in when they were babies,and I am making up for what they missed out on then.

Tell your son how much pleasure it gives you,and he maybe will not feel guilty any more.

Looking from the other side, as an adult of 23, he clearly wants to be financially independent and doesn't want his mummy to buy him presents each week. I could certainly see we would have had a similar problem had we done this with our two at that age.

If you do want to help, as clearly you do, why not put the money into a building society account. Over a year, £20 a week will have risen to over a £1,000 and will provide something to fall back on if things get really tough for him.

IGP I don't think anyone mentioned it being a 'problem' ?

i grew up in a home where there wasn't a lot of money, but little gifts were given from time to time, if i saw something one of my family or friends would like and vice versa,...it isn't about funding an adult child so that they 'expect it' surely?

It is a gift freely given just 'because'...and encourages generosity rather than just 'giving because it's christmas, birthday etc... '

However what i would say is as with any offspring working, take some 'housekeeping' off them whatever they earn ( even if you save it for them) ... for their self respect but also because we all need to know how hard it is to make ends meet and you have to learn how to manage your money when you do leave home.

Gillian you are right to do what you want it is your money.
I love my kids to bits and when I have a bit spare I give like you.
What a fantastic mum your kids have !!!!
Sue.............xxxxxxxx