General Chat

Definitely is Mrs Grumpy!!!

Perhaps I could get an exhibition in the Tate - well if Tracey Emmins can have a dirty bedroom........

I've got one of those too!! LOL

OOoh Yuk Berona!!

Was the 'hole in the ground' the shower too?

We stayed in France when I was 15 - the 'toilet hole' was also the shower - and it was seperated from the kitchen by......
a shower curtain!!!

It's an art form isn't it? This al fresco widdling?

Peeing 'al fresco' - a hint:
Get a long coat that zips both up and down - Barbour types do this, but I have an M&S one that does it too.

When the urge arises (or the garage loos are just too disgusting to use), after finding a suitable bush/tree trunk to hide behind, zip your coat open from the bottom up to just below waist level, then you can pull down whatever is necessary, face the tree or bush and you coat covers the nether regions!!
In this position, if anyone comes along, you can pretend you are intently studying the flora and fauna around the bush/tree. A cry of 'Fred/Harry there's an amazing *whatever* here' will also detract from your real purpose for this interesting position.
Also keeps the buttocks warm in this chilly weather.

Oh Berona - that is so yukky! I do hate some of those continental loos - I'm not surprised I get constipated when I'm away sometimes!

Jill

Definitely write these down for posterity.

Toilet Tales - they'd be a great collection!

I am ashamed to say my 6 year old grand daughter refuses to pee 'al fresco' - and it's nothing to do with me doing it in front of her!
Her mum and aunt have done it - but her aunt still manages to pee on her shoes!!!

THAT's when I realised it was an art!!

Reminds me of the time my friend and I had pulled into a lay-by so he could have a sleep while I read the paper.
Car pulled up in front of us. Passenger door opened, elderly lady steps out and proceeds to lower her knickers, behind the open door !!!!

The open door shielded her from passing traffic - but not from my gaze!!
I put the paper down and slowly slid down my seat. closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep!!

Shelly - you can't flush kitchen roll as it blocks the drain - never use that!!! Worse thing.

The "larger people" will just have to be very tidy and manage with the iddy biddy bit of toilet paper - just so long as it's a resonably quality I'm sure they'll cope.

Maggie - you have to write all this up - it's brilliant.

I bet there's a market for this ...

But even if it only ends up in "your part" of the family history your gr grandchildren will love you for it!

Jill

The caravan was an upgrade from our previous 'home' - a converted double decker bus - still in Scotland!!! Blame my parents!!

*the youth of today don't know they're born etc LOL*

Lived in a tent for 6 months in Shetland.
There were toilets, but at 4 in the morning who wants to trudge 200 yards.
If I occasionally (after a few bevvies) needed to go in the wee small hours, I would just squat a few yards from the tent.....................


There are a lot of sheep in Shetland, and on more than one occasion I was head butted by some grouchy sheep or other whilst in relieving squatting position. I've only just realised there are many women who are unable to achieve this position without dampening their trousers!!!

Also used to pee in the river when I was an ag lab - no toilets for a mile then!!!

I did learn something useful with the dunny in Shetland.
I used to finish the emptying out process by putting Jeyes fluid and boiling water in the bucket. Sitting on the steam from this is a fantastic cure for constipation - something that is unavoidable when there is the risk of the landlady striking up a conversation, or the telltale clomp of Reggie the Randy Ram heading for your door!!

Shelly - will there be enough to go round? Some of the people on my route are very "large". Won't they use more paper?

Shelly - bit dubious about the quality of the paper on offer ... is it readable or usable? LOL

Mau - I live with a chap who can do Tommy Cooper impersonations - he makes me laugh every day - except at Christmas when he goes all grumpy! I expect when the weather improves my mood will improve - might change my name back to normal then.

Maggie ...what you doing up in Scotland in winter in a caravan...

Do you ever remember the episode of on the bus's when they got a new...loo and mum said.....Stan I want one with a lid ...Stan .." why Mum " ...Mum....well its posh init like having you own front door....pmsl then put a doiley and a vase of flowers on the closed lid....

"I want a bit of fun! I need a giggle or a laugh"
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get a copy of Tommy Cooper joke book tomorrow Mrs. Grumpy or Peter Kay he's funny :O)

Would that be a toilet paper round Shelley........boom boom!

I'm waiting for Maggie's next instalment! LOL

** listens **

Yeah I must admit 6 pages of threads all wishing you a merry xmas and then the same at new year is abit zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........if you read back on my thread earlier there was someone trying to goad a row ...but it blew over...OK Grumpy ...**setttles down ** entertain us...

Mau - of course there's a queue - it's very select you know and it costs 20p a shot!

Shelly - you are lowering the tone! I know that's difficult on a thread like this but you're managing very well!!

You've got a flushing loo!!!!!! How powsh are you LOL

Actually, so have I, but in my youth I have sat on many a bucket that masqueraded as a loo.
Well do I remember the shed outside our caravan in Lossiemouth, scotland. The cut newspaper to wipe the bum with, and the wish not to stay out there too long as the hornets in their nest in the eaves started getting 'frisky'
I was up there in the winter of 1962 - when we eventually managed to get out of our snowed in caravan (caravan doors open outwards), we rushed to the 'dunny' only to find it had frozen solid!!!

Then again in Shetland. for some reason there was a pipe set in it, which afforded some ventilation, but also allowed a howling wind around the nether regions. Many a conversation I had with the landlady, me sitting in concentration, she tending to her chickens kept in upturned boats behind the loo.
At certain times of the year the ram became far too interested in the (literally) smallest room. You could be sat there minding your own business, when he would head butt the door, exposing the innocent to not only the wrath of a frustrated ram, but the view of the people on the opposite island!!!

However, it was on one trip to the bog hole that I saw my first Northern lights.

As for emptying it - well this meant carrying it to the edge of the sea, climbing down a 4 ft 'mini cliff', then pulling the bucket over one's head to deposit the contents into the sea!!!

and the floors got a puddle..yukk

I'm miserable and grumpy 'cos these boards are no fun anymore - even Uggers is leaving! - as soon as anyone posts anything interesting the board police swoop down and hit the request review button.

Plus, I have just spent a whole week with my OH - between Christmas and New Year and he is not a Christmas person - and neither am I - and all those "Happy Christmas Let's Be Lovely to Each Other" threads were doing my head in !!!!!!

Shall I go on?

I want a bit of fun! I need a giggle or a laugh - is that too much to ask?

J