General Chat

I wasn't quite sure what to call this thread because sometimes virtual friends and real friends are the same thing but the recent nastiness on top of various unpleasant incidents over the years made me stop and think.

I belong to a large number of online groups with various themes (though none of the others connected in any way to GR). I have "met" a lot of people online and been friends with some of them for years.

Many of the people I have come across online have needed their Internet friends because they have some sort of disability or personal problems and some rely on the Internet for contact with the outside world. I lost a dear friend some time ago whom I had never met in person but she and I had become very close friends chatting online.

Any group online is made up of a great variety of personalities. If the group has been formed around a specific interest then they may be similar people with a lot in common but something like researching family history attracts every type of person.

I've watched clusters of friends form and shatter in GR as sometimes people realise that the contacts they made were not the people they thought they were.

One of the problems is that this is not a closed group. Just about every other one I belong to and all the ones I run, is a members only group and messages can only be read by members. I think until recently I had assumed that the message boards on GR were only capable of being accessed by full members. I do think it is an unpleasant idea that those who are not members can observe our discussions and make their own comments about them. I think this behaviour is immature and rather sad.
It is also unpleasantly sneaky if those who are still members go behind the backs of others to goad, plot or simply ridicule. This is also playground behaviour and not worthy of adults.

I've never been part of a clique on here. I've sometimes agreed or disagreed with the same person depending on the topic being discussed. Not being part of some of the goings on in the background I have not always been in full possession of the facts and could only state my own opinions based on what I knew.

I think we do all need to be a little more cautious in our dealings with others online and on this site especially. I think it leads to suspicion if people own several acounts and use numerous names (even if they intend no harm). We also all need to remember that others can and do talk about GR members on other sites and in IMs. There is nothing we can do about that.

I'm not keen on platitudes but someone sent me something similar to the following this morning and it does seem applicable.

There comes a point in your life when you realise who matters, who never did, who won't anymore... and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
'Be kinder than necessary
because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

Time to move on folks.
Time to lick all wounds and shake ourselves free of the past since we can't alter that.

Let's debate and discuss difficult issues......we've had some great debates on here, but let's all remember that we do not really know who is reading our words and we need to take care what we say.

Sue
x

Well said Sue.........the voice of reason.

I feel a lot of the folk on here feel the same way.

Time that we all made the effort to rise above the

unpleasantness.

Amanda x

Well said Sue!
I havent posted on here for ages until the past couple of days and Im thinking of just going back to keeping a low profile and sticking to the "Trying to Find" boards. I for one cant figure out who is who and who is friends with who....!! Think this was the reason I stuck to the other boards in the first place!

Shame really.....I remember the days when we had healthy debates!!
Bev

Sue...what an intelligent and well thought out thread:)

I have made several friends for life, I hope, through being a member of this site. I also have quite a lot of contact with several cyber friends who I trust implicitly and know, if I got the chance to meet them, would be exactly as I imagine them.

I must say I have added a lot of personal stuff on this board but since recent events I have realised that not everyone is as they seem and I am now loathe to add anything at all.

I think this is very sad as I got a lot of comfort from several threads on which I asked for support.

Jean x.


.

I refuse to get drawn in on these nasty and childish threads..it would be interesting to see how peeps behave if they all met up "in the real world".
Healthy Debates Yeah! I am up for that .Trouble is a healthy one never stays healthy.There is always someone who will upset the cart.
Good thread Sue ,lets hope no-one spoils it.

Thank you Sue, a very well thought out post. I do hope that those who need support will not be put off by recent events. most of us were not involved and will continue to be as we have always been, supportive and understanding.

many of those I talk to i have met 'in the real world' and they have all been lovely and as they are on here.

so i agree Sue, as i said on another thread this morning, let's try and get back on an even keel again.

Ann
Glos

Well Said Sue

Susan
x

Very well put, Sue, you always say things in a very clear and sensible way. I am SO fed-up with things on here - whatever happened to dignity and respect? It's like a cross between Jeremy Kyle and Big Brother on here lately!

n

Thank you folks

I tried hard to think it out as clearly as possible.

I feel we do all now need to put the past behind us as soon as we can

Sue

sheila, more like Andy Pandy sometimes!

Nicely put Sue.
Angela

HI SUE.
I JUST TRIED TO WORK OUT HOW MANY OFYOU I MET,
MORE THAN A HUNDRED,AND I HAVE
HATED THE LAST FEW DAYS.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
LOVE YOU

OMG
THATS WHATS WRONG
IM NOT DRESSED AS GLAMEROS
AS YOU

MUST GET FAGS,,OKAY I STOPPED

MUST START

JAMMYS MUST GET,,THROW AWAY
TATTY T-SHIRT AND SHORTS

HAIR,,COMB,,,,HAVE I GOT ONE ERRR

MAKE UP.....WILL POLYFILLER DO

Excellent words, Sue.

I'm lucky enough to have made real world friends from initial contact on here and elsewhere on the web. I'm also lucky enough to have met most of them.

They have helped me through some difficult times in the last 2 years and I hope I've been able to support them.

One I haven't met, but hope to some day, was incredibly kind when my Dad died in March and I was able to use him as a sounding board when we were planning the funeral and, later, the memorial service. He really was my Bridge Over Troubled Water. I won't embarrass him by naming him and he isn't universally liked but he was a true friend to me.

Cyber friends here and elsewhere have been every bit as supportive as my "real world" friends in times of trouble. It's my belief that you can never have enough friends. Not all of them get on with each other but that doesn't matter. I'm grateful for the kindness shown to me.

When the recent "unpleasantness" erupted a cyber friend said the trouble with me is I'm "too nice". Actually, I'm not that nice, although I try to be a lot of the time, but that's beside the point.

What's wrong with being nice, kind and compassionate? They are qualities I admire in people but to some they are reasons for contempt.

It's a funny old world.

Gwynne

MY ONCE CYBER FRIEND STU,IS NOW
MY BEST MATE,,2 YEARS CYBER
PLUS 2 YEARS REAL
IT CAN AN DOSE WORK

Thank you Sue

I am glad someone can put into words how so many of us really feel

Linda :o)

That was well thought out and written, Sue
Another Sue x

Can I also add, well said Gwynne.

Ann
Glos