General Chat

1974 Lost my Dad ......

1985 was a good year till the endish I gave birth to my first son and later spilt with my Ex all though it was the best thing to happen to us as he was a bully but I was still heart broken...I was 18 with a 6mth old and broken hearted ...never felt so alone...


2000......through my OH EX and a business I now work for...my marriage nearly came crashing down round my ears but we if anything it made us stronger..

2004 ...waved my son off to Iraq...whorst 8 mths of my life but I got to cheer and hug him on his return something I wll also be gratful of...and still pray for the ones that didnt return...

2006.......the dealth of my 24 yrold nephew who left to go to work one morning and never came home....

1994/5 were my worse years

Feb 19th, me mum came to stay, step dad & OH went out for a pint so she could tell me she had cancer

Feb 20th, 18 mth old son (that medically I should never have had!) ran into radiator and sliced his head

Feb 22nd, OH crushed his hand in a machine at work

May, OH had to have a tumor removed from side of face

September , OH had a melanoma on crushed hand (that's when I started smoking again)

October, son got his 1st cold sore on his eye

1995

Feb 12th, Mum died

May 6th, OH's grandma died

bloody hell this is morbid, but I do feel better for writing it down

Kim

Tina - to lose parents at such a young age is not in the scheme of things either - that must have been dreadfully hard for you - still as Mandy says, tomorrow is another day and we soldier on through it all somehow otherwise we'd probably all go mad!!!!!

Yep likewise Mandy.

Must be something in the air. xx

I should also say that I'm usually a very positive, 'glass half full' person, but tonight I've been putting all my Mum's cards and tributes into scrapbook albums, so it's all come flooding back. I also got upset at finding sympathy cards from people who have either now passed away themselves, or don't wish to have contact with me any longer.

Tomorrow is another day, and I shall look back on something and laugh :-) x

Yes I agree Ann, I have written 3 responses and deleted them all as it did not sound right. You have put it down in words perfectly.

I have lost both my parents my mum when I was 5 in 1962 and my father in 1985 when I was 28

I have never been able to have children so have a sense of loss although of course do not know what it is to have actually lost a child the most tragic of losses.

Tina xxx

Ann, that's strange, you've said exactly what I was about to say. Losing a parent is awful, but it's the natural order of things, whereas losing a child - or a partner - isn't. I know that Dad and I have felt Mum's loss in very different ways.

as Mandy says, until you experience the death of a loved one you can never really understand how it feels - to lose a parent is dreadful but it's a natural progression but to lose a husband is quite different and until I lost mine I never understood what it could be like - now I know. To lose a child which is not in the scheme of things must be absolutely unbearable and my heart goes out to all those who have lost a child - I lost three babies at various stages but that's not the same - not in my book anyway

You're dead right Mandy. I am fortunate enough to have both my parents. OH who is only 2 yrs older than me has lost both. I SAW his devastation and felt it as much as a third party can do........but can't KNOW for sure how he was feeling......but boy am I dreading that myself !! xx

Thanks, Muffy. It's interesting you say that you're not sure you'd have understood loss without feeling it yourself...that's exactly what we have both said about losing a parent. Everybody is so very kind, and everybody knows that losing a parent is going to be horrid, but until it actually happens you don't totally understand it.

2002 the year my lovely OH died and the year leading up to it cos we both knew he was dying and nothing could be done - lost three babies in the sixties, at two months, three months and four months but really thought at the time that there must have been something wrong with them and that;s why they never went full term. Did end up with a lovely son who I of course over-protected to a ridiculous degree.

loving thoughts for you muffy and everyone xxxxx

Carol ........... that's nice to know that you hold them in your heart. xx

Mandy...... I know you've had a terrible time . My heart goes out to you. xx.

Lyndi.......you are so right. Friends who have gone through the same thing say the sense of failure and loss is overwhelming.....which I relate to........ BUT I'm not sure I'd have understood without feeling it myself so I shouldn't get so angry about people trying to help.......albeit in a misguided way.....but I did and I still do !!! xx

Muffy - I have 2 lovely Grandchildren, but in my heart I have more...1 died aged 3...another stillborn...more never made it for that long...they are all my Grandchildren...all I hope to meet one day.

(((Hug)))

Who can understand though muffy until it's happened to them?
I used to work in an A&E dept, had dealt with death of all ages, and I thought I understood about grief.
I had absolutely no idea!

It's our loss and we will grieve in our own way. There is no time limit.
xx

I'd always thought 1989 was our worst year; we decided to move out of London and back to the west country, with our 1-year-old baby. But it was the property slump, couldn't sell our London house and naively took bad financial advice. Lots of debts but we did just about manage to stop short of being repossessed so we were able to start over again.

But now money plays no part in our sadness. 2006 rolling over into 2007 were the worst years of our lives, no exaggeration. We're still feeling the knock-on effect now, probably because I was just about starting to come to terms with losing my Mum, when we had to go through the double whammy of losing both inlaws during our son's A level exams.

On top of that, Dad then had a stroke and - I haven't mentioned this on GR up until now - but my birth half-brother, who I thought I had a fantastic relationship with, decided to turn his back on me. Talk about kicking someone when they're down. He got in touch recently but because I couldn't give him what he wanted (money of course!) he took off again. Hubby is still having bereavement counselling.

I keep telling myself 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and we're just kept going at the moment by our boy being so happy and doing so well at Uni. He doesn't know this, but he is our total focus, and keeping our heads above water.

Oh goodness, now I'm sounding a right old misery, lol! I promise to cheer up :-)

As a Mum of a child we nearly lost as a newborn, I feel great sadness for anyone losing a baby at any stage xx

Thanks Julie Ann. xx

muffy i agree totally
its like when someone says well you dont knw how it felt,
dont you just wana slap um
how dare they think you dont feel pain

sending you hugs and let it out , better out than in
my daughter always includes a rose with mams flowers at christmas as she knows shes looking after a little person, for her

Thanks Lyndi. That means a lot.

Much as I adore my kids........ I will never forget the ones I couldn't meet.

I used to get SO ANGRY when people used to say.......well so and so had a still birth imagine how that feels......yeah I did and i felt for them but these were MY babies not anyone elses. Why do people suddenly try and bring out a measuring stick to justify grief.........used to really pee me off. Still does.Blimey where is all this anger coming from tonight lol xx