General Chat

Jean, poking my nose in a minute - I wonder what his reaction would be if you said "OK, have it your way" - and let him get on with it. You know, reverse psychology and all that.

A cynic might say he's enjoying the misery he's putting you through, though on the other hand he might need counselling; I don't know.

Whatever his reasons, hopefully in time he'll come to realise what he's done to his family. I wish you all the good luck for his eventual return.

(((HUG)))
x

Dear Jean, your situation with your son has brought tears to my eyes as I have a difficult relationship with my son and wish that we were closer, our difficulties are no where near as sad as yours though and I can only hope that in time your son sees the error of his ways and wants to try again with his mum and family.

First of all sending you a hug Jean.

One of the strange things I have noticed coming to live here is, how many second marriages there are amongst the expats, as most of us are retired, I suppose it is only to be expected. What I find even more strange (perhaps not the right word) is how many I know who are estranged from their children, some all of them.
One friend had a bad week with some nasty chinese whispers going around, her week was capped by her daughter, who she has had very little contact with for over 20 years, writing to her to tell her that just because she is pregnant she does not want her mother in her life.
I don't have children, so it is not something I can understand and even thought I didn't have a particularly good relationship with my mother I never walked away, I was tempted but she was my mother.
I think we all perceive slights against us which really aren't there, but are our way of coping with the situation.
Your son is a very angry young man, and may be some therapy will help, but he has to be the one to seek it.

Take care Rosalind

Jean

Step away and let him take his own steps now..... he's angry right now but he will calm down, don't blame yourself as unless you knew he was being abused there was nothing for you to do!

Try and get help for YOU and the rest of the family if they need it! Talk to other mothers in the same situ.

I hope you both find peace!

xx

Jean - I cannot say anything other than what has already been said. Please look after yourself. Sending you big (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) and there will always be someone on here who will listen to you. Dont bottle it up - writing it down does help.
Take care
Love Mary xx

Hi Jean,

How terribly sad for you.

Can't add much more. Everyone has said all there is to say.

Sending you a big ((((hug))))

Keep strong.

Linda xx

Dear Jean, all I can do is send you a warm hug and caring thoughts.
Love
maxiMary

Jean, I am so sorry things have turned out this way. I was going to suggest exactly the same as Tiger Lil, leave a letter along with the photos he returned, so that he can read it and have the things back later if he wants to. If in the meantime, he gets help and gets back in touch with you, then you can think again but if he is up and down, it might be best to still leave the letter with your will so he can have it if necessary. He will have it on paper then that you have never stopped loving him, despite the hurt and estrangements. He is obviously a very disturbed man and the alcoholic wife isn't helping. I learned once through a group I went to, that two halves don't make a whole, i.e. two needy people coming together don't even make one whole person so both your son and dil need sympathy. Altho they are not being kind to the family, they have their own demons to deal with and I hope one day all will be well between all of you.
Lizx

Jean - I feel so bad for you. One thing you might like to think about is writing him a letter - put your thoughts and feelings about him down on paper and say all the things you want to say to him.

Don't send it, but keep it just in case the time is ever right to send it to him. It may never be of course, but you could put it with your will so that if you die, he will hopefully get it.

It will make you feel better (I know as I have done this myself) and give you some peace of mind. You will know that you have never closed the door to him whatever happens, and that one day he may read the letter and know how you feel. Hopefully, he will have contacted you before then.

All the best. Hugs.

In your shoes I would say - 'enough is enough' - why waste any more time when your daus and husband need you. If you die before he sees the light so what - if this is his attitude he won't feel guilt and why should you worry? Move on for the sake of yourself and your family - it won't be easy. Take care

Im sending you the biggest hugs I can Jean,

Our kids can hurt us more than anyone else can,


I hope things can and will improve,


Caz xxxx

sending you big hugsxxxx

Oh, i don't know what to say, I really feel for you.
I agree with others that you have done your best and he needs to sort his head out in his own time. I had an ex who had a lot of problems from childhood and it only started to manifest, when he was 35! Men are strange when it comes to their feelings.
All you can do is be there when he needs you, which i'm sure he will, one day.

BIG (((((hugs)))) to you.
xxx

It's very sad when a loved one gets involved with someone who tries to come between them and their family. I have experience of something similar.

You have done everything you can to support your son and I think there has to come a time when even a mother has to say 'no more'. You have the rest of your loving family and the ball is in his court - he knows that it's him who has shut the door, not you. If he has to live with any guilt, then so be it. I hope that doesn't sound hard, I'm a Mum myself and would be devastated if this happened, but you can't continue to be put through all this hurt.

Love Mandy xx

Thanks Muffy,
Hugs are desperately needed right now.
mandy, there's no-one to act as go between. He won't even talk to aunts/uncles. he didn't even attend his granfathers funeral. Up to him getting involved with his wife he was very close to his 5 sisters, but now it's like we have ceased to exist.
I live in hope that we are together before it's to late.
I am so scared of dying before we make up. I don't want my son living with any guilt.

Jean xx

Oh Jean..........................so sorry, what a horrible thing to do to you.

I can't think of the right words, but send a huge (((((((((((hug))))))))))))

We are all here for you, anytime.

xx

Oh Jean, I just don't know what to say except that I really feel for you.

I hope he gets the help that he needs, and that in time, he comes back to you before it's too late.

Is there a family member or friend who could act as an intermediary, once he's calmed down a bit?

Love and hugs,
Mandy xx

I don't know what to say.

Sending you a HUGE (((HUG))

xxxxxx

Firstly thank you for all the support you have given me.
Today(Monday) my son phoned me to ask if he could come to see me.....of course i said yes. I honestly believed that we were now going to sort things out and start anew...........how stupid and niave am i !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I opened the door and greeted him with a big smile(typical mumsy grin) to be confronted by an angry young man i didn't even recognise as my son( how sad to have to put it into words)
In his hands he had a black bin bag, i asked him in, he refused. He said the contents of the bag signified his shutting the door on us and maybe now i'll listen when he says he wants no contact with us. Then he walked away, leaving me speechless and in total shock.
On opening the bag, i found all the family photos he had taken when he left home, among with letters and other family stuff.
I am so sad, i feel my heart is breaking.
I will never give up on him, no matter how long it takes. My door will always be open to him, when the time is right for him, i'll be here.

Thank you once again for your support and kind words.
Thank you to thos the PMd me too. I have replied to you.

Jean xx

Jean bless you, you haven't done anything wrong at all. You have loved like only a mum can, given like only a mum can, forgiven like only a mum can, and you will always love and be there for him.
For now though, take a step back and look after you.
xx
Take care