General Chat

he is being very childish indeed - throwing his toys out of the pram and all that - leave him be and perhaps he'll come to his senses

No offence taken TJ.....................I have been lucky I suppose.

I could never stay in a relationship that caused so much pain though...............I honestly think you both need to seperate and think things over on your own.

He knows you adore him and may be using that to push the boundaries with you..................maybe the shock of walking away will stop him taking you for granted.

xx

Kitty

another problem is that he doesn't like confrontation at all and would rather walk away ......... it seems to be the only way he deals with things ......... he would never come to me and say

Tracy I'm so sorry I made a mistake - please forgive me and lets try again .........

I don't say that we haven't rowed because we have - but countless times he has told me to pack my bags and go ......... but that is because he doesn't know what to do to sort it out ...........

Oh and i have been to look at a car but now that seems as if i aint gonna get that either !!!!

Tell ya - my life is S***e !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wehey my life so far

Sexually abused at 5
Raped at 29
Parents kept splitting up and making another go of it
Ex husband poisoning my sons mind against me through bitterness
loosing the one person in this world who genuinely loved me - my gran

the social serv;s
his kids S***E

last weekend
NOW THIS !!!!!!!!!

Fantastic

After reading this I'd like to say you are both Saints in my eyes! and certainly must be a strong couple,to have lived through this stressful time together.

It also sounds like your husband,being so insecure, is suffering early depression and think you both may need some help with counselling.

Do hope you solve this TJ
Love Mau xx

Aw TJ - keep your chin up, you really have had a rough time. Could you both see a doctor or you have a chat to someone. He's needs help and you need support.
As Mau has just said - you are both saints and must love each other, very much - so its worth getting the help you both need.

Take care.

jude xx

It seems that you have had to live through a lot TJ, and have done so well to be as grounded as you now are.......you seem to have worked your way through your past life, and have teamed up with someone with loads of baggage of his own, only he hasn't had the strength to work through it.....

He certainly seems a very needy person, and relies on your strength and understanding......but quite frankly at the moment he is taking the p..

He wants to please you, hence the dogs and the car, but those will not repair the cracks which are showing.......it is right when they say you need to do a lot of talking......and perhaps you take this time, when he is not responding, to write down the good points versus the bad points......and think where you want to be in 5 years time........it sounds like you really love this man.......I do hope you can work something out between you.......x sally

Thanx Sally and everyone ...... but you can't talk to someone who won't even speak !!!!

I have tried this morning and he just sat there !!!!

Emotional blackmail is abuse. Nobody has the right to speak to you that way or treat you that badly. What was your life like before him?
He is obviously very damaged and insecure, and enjoys the control of manipulating you. If it wasn't the dogs it would be another excuse.Get help

At the risk of gettingmy head bitten off...what about some form of councilling? If you do love him that much, you need to find a way to work through it on joint terms...... not just his.

Could it even be that you would rather be with him than face a new life on your own due to the problems you have overcome in the past?

You sound like a very strong person and if he wont learn to work at it - maybe you need to re assess what you need from life?

Do you have a freind you can go and stay with for a few days and maybe take the dogs? You dont have to leave him but just say your going to stay with x for a few days as you are very unhappy.

Maddie I won't bite your head off ....... lol

I don't have any clsoe friends who could accomodate me and the pups .......... cos they are all mutual friends and I don't have a best friends cos my OH has always been my best friend

I know that he has had issues in his life and have really really tried to help and have even suggested counselling myself to him .......... but his reply is ..... I'm not sick ........ I'm not a head case ....

I've explained that nobody said he was but to open up to strangers is sometimes better than to open up to those you love ....... as strangers don't judge you or the situation ...... they try to help .......

his reply ........ I won't talk to strangers !!!!!!!

I'm lost - totally lost and very hurt !!!!!!

TJ I really think you need to assess what is going to to best for you.

I went to Asda one day many many many years ago and realised I had had enough - I never went back home - I caught a taxi to my sisters.

Was one of the best things I ever did and almost a decade later know it was the right thing to do.

You cant love someone that dosent want to be loved or controlls you.

I am in a happy stable relationship and my freinds are v important - my OH made the effort to get to know and like (not in all cases but most) my freinds and visa versa.

It is important to be you as well as a wife or mother or lover.

If he loves you he will understand this and you should allow the same for him. Freindships can often outlive partners!!

would he be suffering some form of depression,,that can be disguised in many forms,,,
hurtful or even devastating things can and are said between spouses in a fit of lost control and anger,,,,
((,,as seen by the Greek incident....))....


any way he can be encoursged to take an active part with the new puppy,,,,

I note you implied he--Stole--the affections of your other dog,,,perhpas looking at this --is it you that could have issues in lack of security,and wants something just for your own,,***,which then you say he wants you for himself??***do you
think you could both have issues far more than a dog,,,,,,,,,,that neither of you reconise,?

Last year after all the crap with the social services - OH did have depression although he would never admit it .... he is a very proud person and believes that everything is in the mind - if you get my drift (Depression doesn't exist)

Well after nearly 6 months of not being able to speak to each other and 6 months of no intimate contact ....... we were like comfort blankets to each other - by jsut knowing the other was there ....... In May last year when my foot was in plaster I told him I couldn't take no more and that I was leaving .... I didn't have anyone else no more do I want' anyone else ........... I just want the same respect that I give him ........... I'm not insecure by any means........ I have wondered if there was somebody else on his part .......... but there is no evidence to suggest is .... meaning his daily life is the same as always .. there are no ph calls ........ he doesn't go out on his own ............ etc etc .........

When I say he stole the affections of the first pup ....... I mean that because I couldn't walk as far as he could with her with my having a broken foot and I could play rough with her etc etc ........ not that I was insecure in anyway .........

tell him your gonna miss him

but he will have to go because

the pups are staying put

good luck you deserve better

Sorry TJ..no offence meant but read it how you saw and felt about it at the time you wrote it,,

No offence taken Kay :-)) x

TJ I hope that you can solve this. You obviously don't want to leave him but you can't let him emotionally blackmail you. which is what he is doing by saying him or the dogs when he knows you adore him and love the dogs. he wants to know he comes first in your life and he suspects he doesn't, that the dogs do. He is thinking like a child that it is always either or and can't be both. children say things like 'do you love me the best?' He is trying to control you as a way of feeling he has control of his life. Maybe he goes on about the cancer because he has no control over that and fears it will return.

You really both need to take some time out and then come back together and talk, preferably with a mediator (relate if you could get him there).

I do hope that you can sort it out for both your sakes.

Ann
glos

please stand up to him hun xxx

I am standing up to him ........... he is not getting the better of me this time !!!!!

Well done Maddie, I am so glad it all worked out for you.....x